Okay, be warned, this isn’t for the easily offended and it’s somewhat juvenile and more than a little lascivious. But it’s also funny. You also do have to stick with it all the way to the end. And remember, I did warn you.
My brother-in-law sent me this video this morning. There are a million ways to open a beer bottle, and this video includes a lot of different ones, including a few that seem pretty impractical (rendering the beer undrinkable) and some that look downright dangerous, but then there also some clever and funny ones, too. Enjoy.
This is somewhat of an inside joke. When I was in D.C. earlier this year for the Craft Brewers Conference, I went for a long walk around the city, a little sightseeing. I made my way past the Canadian Embassy, in part because I had been invited to an event there later that same night by my good friend Stephen Beaumont, and I wanted to know where I would be going so as not to get lost. As I ambled past the embassy, I noticed four sleeves on four columns, part of a circular ring of columns, in front of the building. On each, was a word expressing the nature of Canada’s special relationship with America: Friends, Neighbours, Partners, Allies.
I chuckled to myself, but for some reason it stuck in my mind and when I saw Stephen later that day, I badgered him incessantly, repeating to him — in a low, serious voice — Friends … Neighbours … Partners … Allies. I changed the delivery, the emphasis and inflection, each time, like an actor trying out different versions searching for just the right one. If it was funny the first time (and I say charitably it was), by the fiftieth, Stephen’s patience was wearing understandably thin. But I was too far gone, it was an earworm caught in my head like an annoying song that you can’t stop from replaying over and over again until you want to scream. To his credit, he suffered through it for the next few days until the conference was over. But seeing that today is Canada Day, it brought back those four little words and so I’d like to say to everyone I know in Canada: “Happy Canada Day to my Friends … Neighbours … Partners … Allies!”
I’m not sure I’d wear any of these (nobody wants to see me in anything this tight) but for the right beer geek … maybe?! Created by an Australian clothing company, BlackMilk, they have three beer-themed outfits for the discerning woman who also loves beer. There’s a dress, a bathing suit and leggings.
First, there’s the beer dress.
Secondly, a beer swimsuit.
And finally, beer leggings.
Don’t forget to scroll down to the bottom of each page, where there are lots of photos and self-shots of people wearing the beer clothing.
Here’s an interesting, if long, commercial for Kirin beer that features some famous martial artists. I have no idea what’s going on for most of the three-minute video, or why they count to 39 throughout the story. Luckily, you don’t have to understand it to enjoy it.
Maybe it’s my own skepticism, but this is setting off all of the Amway/Infomercial/Snake Oil Salesman alarm bells. On Indiegogo — similar to Kickstarter — someone has launched a project for the Ziblee Beverage Pleasure Enhancer, which they describe as follows. “Briefly stir your favorite adult beverage with the Ziblee and be amazed at the improvement in flavor and smoothness.” Uh, huh. Sure. Convince me.
Here’s what it looks like. To me, it looks roughly like a honey dipper made out of a metal spring with an aluminum handle. But no, the spring is made from “the finest stainless steel [they] could find. Surgical grade stainless steel,” no less.
But actually it’s the pitch, and the fact that there’s a special crystal inside the wand, that makes is sound like it’s coming from a snake oil salesman.
The Ziblee is an energetically-charged wand-like device that, when stirred gently for six or seven seconds in a glass of wine, spirits, coffee or juice, liberates all the flavor of the beverage and smooths the taste significantly. Just like award-winning vintners, connoisseurs and sommeliers who have used the Ziblee, you will be astounded at the difference it makes. It really does “make the cheap stuff taste like the good stuff…and the good stuff taste even better!”
Beer is conspicuously absent, but apparently every other alcohol on the planet, along with coffee and juice, will magically be improved by a few stirs. How does this “magic” work? Here’s their explanation.
The Ziblee is not an ‘aerator’ and it doesn’t have magnets. It’s a totally new technology that uses the subtle energy of frequencies. Those frequencies impact the beverage on a molecular level releasing its full flavor and smoothness. There is no chemical change in the beverage at all, nothing dissolves, nothing is added or taken away. It really is a quantum energy thing and there are only two ways to know that something wonderful has happened to your drink. The first is to look at the molecular structure of the drink under an electron microscope, which we’ve done — but honestly, it’s not that easy to do. The second is a far better option…taste it! Do a variety of taste tests. All in the name of scientific research of course! This is absolutely the most fun you can have using quantum physics!
It works through specially selected natural quartz crystal. Due to their balanced and set formation, certain crystals have the ability to tune into the vibrations of what is around them. People have known that since ancient times. Today what we’re able to do with the Ziblee is ‘tune’ the crystal with a proprietary combination of frequencies. When the super-charged Ziblee connects with your beverage it harmonizes the frequencies to gently reveal the remarkable story within every glass. It makes every sip, every drink, every conversation more pleasurable.
Dizzy yet? Toward the end of this new ageiness, they claim that it “works with all adult beverages, making them taste smooth, expensive,” but finally address beer. “With carbonated beverages like beer, soda and champagne the Ziblee tends to make them go flat, so don’t ruin your drink. We’re not sure why that happens, but it does. We dumped many a beer down the drain trying to figure it out.” It’s funny that they don’t know why it happens, suggesting to me that they don’t really know anything about their claim that it does work on non-carbonated drinks, except water.
So what do you think? Magic or hokum? I’m sure it’s not that simply swirling your drink makes it taste differently. That would be too easy, wouldn’t it? Who would fall for that?
Today’s infographic is from Mensa, believe it or not, showing American Mensa members favorite beers. If it shows anything, it’s that Mensa members aren’t quite as smart as they think they are. It’s not that Blue Moon or Samuel Adams Boston Lager are bad beers — they’re fine, really — but their top ten also includes Heineken, Corona, But Light and Stella Artois — which aren’t. Really there’s only three beers on their list I truly like and another I think is okay, if overrated. Of course, they only gave members a list of thirty beers chosen for their popularity and brand recognition (though no word on how they determined brand recognition), so maybe that was the bit that wasn’t terribly smart.
Today’s infographic is a well-known humorous poster, called I ♥ Beer, with more than three dozen funny equations about how adding beer to something changes it into something better, or at least different.