I know it’s been quite a while since I’ve posted anything new and a few people have written me to see what is the matter. It’s nice to know that I’m missed so I thought I’d update everyone. I’m just tired and took a little unscheduled time off to spend with the family and, hopefully, recharge my batteries. I traveled a bit in October and November and the last three Novembers I was working feverishly on novels as I participated in NaNoWriMo, National Novel Writing Month, where you challenge yourself to write a 50,000-word novel in 30 days (and which I managed to be successful at each of the three years). I wasn’t able to do NaNoWriMo this year because I was in Germany for two weeks the first half of the month and I think I missed out on all the energy that enterprise produces. It’s hard to explain, and a bit counter-intuitive, but writing that constantly (at least 1,700 words per day) doesn’t really make me tired, but instead is more exhilarating because I’m creating something out of nothing. I guess that’s why I chose to be a writer, because even though it can be hard mental work it’s also very satisfying. It feels more like something I have to do rather than just something I can do. It’s been that way since I made up stories as a kid, when I wrote for the school newspaper and when I plotted out the endless books I never wrote. So that’s probably part of it.
The other part is I’m feeling more than a little ennui, which is common for me at this time of year. The holidays have been difficult for me for some time now. Most of my family — mother, father, grandparents, etc. — are all gone and have been for a lot of years. What family I have left is in Pennsylvania. My wife and her family are all out here and they’re great plus I now have the added joy of seeing the holidays through my kids’ eyes. I wouldn’t trade my life now for anything. But for some reason I always feel a touch of sadness at this time of year. Some years it’s better than others, but for this year it’s been tough. Also, over the last few months I’ve gotten a number of very unpleasant comments and e-mails from strangers (and organizations) who just don’t agree with my unfettered opinions. That’s to be expected, to be sure, but it is wearing me down. Many folks on the internet often don’t seem to realize that there’s another person involved and without the social cues of face-to-face communication seem to feel no compunction about treating their fellow human beings with appalling cruelty. It’s often so bad that even the most loathsome among us would never dream of treating even a stranger in a similar fashion if they were right in front of them. There’s a term for it, too: deindividuation, which essentially means “if we reduce our sense of our own identity we are less likely to stick to social norms.” That’s from an illuminating article in New Scientist and there’s some more good info in a Guardian opinion piece. There’s also another nice article at Salon by Gary Kamiya on manners online (for more about this, see Netiquette and RFC 1855). Of course, I’m often pretty obnoxious myself so perhaps I have it coming, who knows? Anyway, It’s gotten a little hard to take lately. I don’t mind disagreements — in fact I relish a good debate — but being called names and worse may not break my bones but it sure can drag down a mood and chill my enthusiasm for my fellow man.
Writing is, of course, a solitary endeavor so I find myself alone a lot of the time. I work from home, of course, so apart from my kids and the odd neighbor, I don’t really see, talk or interact with adult people all day long. My friends are all pretty spread out and rarely does anyone just stop by for the hell of it. Do that long enough and one does tend to go a little stir crazy. To everyone who wrote to inquire about my well-being, thanks, I appreciate it. It really helped to get me off the couch. So enough of my pathetic ramblings, tomorrow a new month begins and I’ll try my damndest to get back to pissing people off as best I can. Happy holidays.
N is for Neville who died of ennui.
From Edward Gorey’s wonderful Gashlycrumb Tinies.
Jay, I’m not surprised to hear that you’re feeling worn out. I’m always amazed by your consistently high level of output (high in both quantity and quality). It’s particularly impressive given your main medium: the internet, which highlights human ugliness in a way that few other forms of exchange do.
You always inspire me, not least because you’re one of THE best people I’ve ever met.
So at this particularly stressful time of year (Thanksgiving is the day I miss my dad most), from my house to yours: a bouquet of good vibes and best wishes. Cheers!
I am glad you are back and look forward to what you have to say as always. Having an opinion often brings out the opinionated and with those opinionated are morons.
It seems you no this though and have gotten through it. I hope for the day that people respect my contributions to this community enough to be threatened by my opinion. LOL. Not really but you know what I mean.
Welcome back and keep it coming, you do great work even if I dont always agree with your view.
It is a tough thing when you lose your zest for any calling, even if only temporarily. I would encourage you to embrace the internet, however. While it can be a rougher ride it is also vibrant. I always remind myself that the rude thoughts are others that get posted on the internet are the same thoughts that people do say behind one’s back all the time. I’d rather hear them. I also remind myself that as with any writer I have yet to write as well as I can or express myself as clearly as I hope so misunderstanding and disagreement are inevitable where strong opinions are at play. While the back chat is shocking when received they are also often instructive in one way or another – even if only as an wonderful illustration of the very thinking that you may have been describing in the initial disapproved post!
As someone who has this site bookmarked and also set up in my RSS feeds, I want to stress that I would hope that a majority of the people who do indeed read your site also enjoy it. I can understand how a vocal minority could really drag someone’s spirits down though. Anonymity creates a lot of “brave” people who otherwise would never spew their ignorance or bile in real life. Regardless, keep up the Fantastic work you do with this site and know that there is an appreciative audience out there.
The “horrorday” are my least favorite time of year. I’d chuck the whole thing and spend December in an isolated farmhouse if I could.
As for less-than-civil comments from anonymous strangers, I say: “Don’t let the bastards get you down!”
I’ve been doing this online text communication thing since long before the world wide web was even conceptualized, and the “anonymity factor” isn’t new. That’s not to say I haven’t been on the receiving end of anonymous vitriol. It is a bummer sometimes.
I like and appreciate your opinions, even though I don’t always agree with them. They are, at the very least, well-reasoned and well-articulated, unlike 99.9% of the stuff one finds online. The net would be that much poorer were you to hang up your cleats.
Don’t worry; January is almost here.