You may recall my skeptical take on the Vodka and Tampon story two weeks ago. Since then, I got an e-mail from a friend with a link to a Tiny Cat Pants post In Which I Debunk the Vodka-Soaked Tampon Myth. Today, I learned from the Missus that Danielle Crittenden, Managing Editor, Blogs, for the Huffington Post Canada was as skeptical as I was. Crittenden’s also the wife of famed conservative David Frum and an author in her own right. She posted her own efforts at reproducing the vodka tampon on the Huffington Post, in an article entitled Bartender, a Dirty Martini With a Tampon!. Like Tiny Cat Pants, it didn’t go well … at all. And it’s part of mounting evidence that the people spreading this story are, for lack of a better term, full of shit. As I suspected, this sounded more like an urban legend, a hoax, a way for media outlets to scare parents. But read Crittenden’s account, it’s pretty funny, and scary, but in a whole different way.
As Danielle Crittenden discovered, the big problem about applying a 40% abv liquid anywhere near your sensitive downstairs bits is that it BURNS. The first thing you’d want to do, if you did manage to shove a vodka-soaked tampon up your bottom (front or back) is pull it out, rush to the shower and spray the now very painful area with plenty of cold water. (And no, I’ve never tried vodka, but I did once, as a very young and stupid teenager, splash eau de cologne on my nuts. It hurts – a lot.)
OK, I’m convinced about vaginal application, and I’m thankful for the rational attempt by an adult. Still, what about anal? I’ve heard about other recreational drugs administered there. I suppose I could try it myself, but I’d have to buy a package of tampons and figure out how to get one in there; I’d prefer for someone to just tell me that it works or doesn’t work…
LMAO at the brave Canadian’s tale of the “experiment”. Certainly drinking thru a straw would be quicker & more efficient, especially if the drink’s carbonated … has anyone tried carbonating booze? I’ve seen people drink beer thru a straw & they’ve claimed that the “buzz” came quicker. But I’ll leave that for the post Gen Y-ers to discern 🙂
The enduring push behind this story/hoax is that we were all teenagers once, and did/saw some DUMB things. We all knew that one kid that should have become a Darwin award winner by now.