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You are here: Home / Beers / Esquire’s Worst 9 Beers

Esquire’s Worst 9 Beers

May 19, 2010 By Jay Brooks

worst
Esquire has an odd little piece this week choosing the Nine Worst Beers on Earth, a fairly bold claim given how many beers are brewed on our planet. The author, St. Louis columnist Evan S. Benn, has probably not tried everything yet since he’s only been writing his column since last June, but overall his list does include some truly awful beers.

And while it wasn’t my intention to disparage Benn, in a recent column, Navigate Beer Fests Like a Pro Drinker, he does recommend spit buckets with the following. “You would be surprised how quickly the alcohol in 2-ounce samples can catch up to you. You’d also be surprised at how many beers you thought would be great but end up being disappointing. Don’t be ashamed to use the spit buckets stationed near every table. If you feel like one sip is enough but still have more in your glass, dump the rest into the bucket and move on.” I think he means the “dump buckets,” which is what they’re called in the beer world, but it almost sounds like he’s suggesting not swallowing at least that first sip, a pretty important step in fully tasting any beer. I know judges who occasionally spit second, third, etc. sips when tasting a large number of beers, but that first sip, at least, must be swallowed.

But back to his list, with which, in fact, I can’t disagree with any of his choices except for one, though to be fair I haven’t tried the new Game Day Light. I received an offer to get samples, but maybe I should answer it after all, just to be sure. But the beer I strongly disagree with is the Samuel Adams Cranberry Lambic. It’s not that I’d champion it as one of the world’s best, but from his write-up it appears Benn doesn’t realize that beer has been around since 1990 and the sweetness he finds so distasteful is from maple syrup. While the Sam Adams’ version of a lambic may not make my top 100 beers, it’s nowhere near my bottom 100 and I can think of sweeter, less appealing fruit lambics just off the top of my head.

Here’s Esquire’s list:

  1. Bud Light & Clamato Chelada
  2. 7-11 Game Day Light
  3. Rock Ice
  4. Sleeman Clear
  5. Michelob Ultra Pomegranate Raspberry
  6. Camo 24 Extra Smooth Super Premium High Gravity Lager xxXxx
  7. MGD 64
  8. Samuel Adams Cranberry Lambic
  9. Olde English 800

Why nine, and not ten — especially with so many bad beers out there — I can’t explain. But there are certainly many more beers that I’d put on such a list, beers that if offered to me outside of work, I’d politely decline. Corona and Heineken (and their light versions) leap to mind, as does Stella Artois and most of the nearly interchangeable American-style, European-style, New Zealand-style, Latin American-style, etc. mass produced light lagers. It’s not that they’re poorly made, in fact most are quite well-constructed, but I’m still not interested in drinking them. I want something with flavor … or more flavor, at least.

What beers would make your list of the worst?

Filed Under: Beers, Editorial, Just For Fun, Top 10 Tagged With: Big Brewers, Mainstream Coverage



Comments

  1. Hop Hunter says

    May 19, 2010 at 12:31 pm

    How can they make this list and not include Natural Light? It’s basically yellow water with alcohol in it. Ugh.

  2. Russ says

    May 19, 2010 at 12:51 pm

    Carling Black Label. I sampled it in Northern Ireland because I hadn’t seen it in Dublin. Yech! I couldn’t finish it.

  3. Hannah says

    May 19, 2010 at 12:56 pm

    I agree with the idea of adding Stella Artois, not gonna lie. One horrible beer I’ve read about but haven’t tried is Panther Ice Ale – if you want a quick laugh, read the [few] reviews. Hysterical! http://beeradvocate.com/beer/profile/892/15761

  4. firesign says

    May 19, 2010 at 12:57 pm

    I would add Sam Adams Noble Pils and Dogfish Head Festina Peche. Plus 99.9% of A-B/InBev and Miller/Coors products. And Foster’s Lager. Ok, the list is getting long now.

    • Tim says

      May 26, 2010 at 6:39 am

      Firesign – Noble Pils and Festina Peche are both world class beers, far from a worst list contention imo.

  5. Mr. Nuts says

    May 19, 2010 at 1:03 pm

    How about Country Club Malt Liquor? It’s good. For washing greasy car parts.

  6. Stephen Beaumont says

    May 19, 2010 at 1:43 pm

    Ed’s Cave Creek Chili Beer!

  7. Matt says

    May 19, 2010 at 2:50 pm

    Sam Adams Triple Bock is like motor oil…..terrrrriblee!!

  8. thedarkside says

    May 20, 2010 at 11:19 am

    Not a big fan of the SA Cranberry Lambic, but I wouldn’t consider it the top 9 worst. No Coors on the list? I guess that frost brewing really paid off.

  9. Rory says

    May 20, 2010 at 11:57 am

    I second the chili beer….vile stuff!!!

  10. tim from florida says

    May 20, 2010 at 1:35 pm

    Gotta say, do enjoy the SA Cranberry Lambic during the Xmas season.

  11. tim from florida says

    May 20, 2010 at 1:38 pm

    And I would add – ‘the after the origina’l Miller High Life, Schlitz, Shaefer, Pabst, & Narragansett…

  12. Adam says

    May 20, 2010 at 4:28 pm

    This is an awful list. Boston Beer doesn’t deserve to be on any shit list when there are so many other shitty beers out there.

  13. Eric says

    May 21, 2010 at 5:01 pm

    The actual list aside, the opening line to his comments about Sleeman Clear is the real flaw in the article: “Even light-beer fans (read: not men) have to agree.” The same sort of thing surfaces in the Michelob Ultra Pomegranate Raspberry comments also: “Three years ago, the least manly beer in America decided to expand in the exact same direction.”

    I’m so tired of the idea that beer is somehow manly and if women do like beer, they don’t like beer with lots of flavor! There are plenty of women who like big flavorful beers and plenty of men who drink light lagers exclusively. Furthering this idea of a relationship between beer taste and gender is #1 on my list of the worst beer writing tactics in the world.

  14. beerman49 says

    May 23, 2010 at 3:11 am

    9 worst? How about 50+? Stella, almost everything YELLOW (corn in the mash, a la most Mexican/Central American/Miller swill), & honey-flavored beers would make my list. There’s a lot of dreck out there for us to argue over!

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