Top Ten Tuesday: Top 10 Animals Associated With Beer

March 31, 2009 By Jay Brooks

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I had to skip last week’s list, there was just too much going on. But as the last day of March is upon us, I’m reminded of the old saying “March comes in like a lager, and goes out like a lambic.” Or perhaps that’s a lion and a lamb? There are several animals closely associated with beer and brewing, so today my list will cover my favorite animals having some association with beer, a goofy a list as I could come up with. Anyway, here’s List #11:

Top 10 Animals Associated With Beer

Rams Young’s registered the Ram trademark in 1893, and since then countless breweries have also used a ram or sheep, from the Black Sheep Brewery to the RAM chain of brewpubs.

Moose & Squirrel I can’t over emphasize how much of a huge fan of Rocky & Bullwinkle I am. I had the great pleasure to meet Jay Ward very briefly in L.A. in the mid-1980s at the Dudley Do-Right Emporium. So anything with a squirrel or a moose and I’m in. I even tried to get Bullwinkle on the short list of names for my son — my wife wasn’t having any of it. So while Big Sky’s Moose Drool or New Glarus’ Fat Squirrel Ale are fine by me, Laurelwood’s Moose & Squirrel Russian Imperial Stout is the bee’s knees.

Fish While I’m no fan of fishing — to me it’s just standing next to water with a pole in your hand staring into space — for people who do get more out of it, beer goes with it like nothing else. It couldn’t hurt. And so there are Flying Fish, Fish Brewing, Steelhead and a Dogfish. As a Pisces in good-standing, I love all things fish, except eating it (unless fried and with chips) or trying to catch one with string, a stick and a worm.

Bears While the Hamm’s Bear is undoubtedly the king of beer bears, there are plenty of others. Another favorite is the Boonville Bear, complete with antlers, from Anderson Valley Brewing. Though my favorite has to be from Gentle Ben’s Brewing in Tucson, Arizona. Their mascot bear, Big Ben, espouses what must be one of the great philosophies of the 21st century. “Drink ‘Till You’re Sleepy … Sleep ‘Till You’re Thirsty.“

Bigfoot / Sasquatch Seen only once each year, usually in mid-January or early February, though it’s not the only sighting of Bigfoot. Up in Eugene, Oregon there was Sasquatch, now a part of the Glen Hay Falconer Foundation and Sasquatch Stout from Old Yale Brewing Company in B.C., Canada. I picture that grainy film of bigfoot lumbering through the forest, but with a beer in his hand. But this year is the 25th anniversary for Sierra Nevada’s Bigfoot Barleywine Style Ale, making it the one to hunt for.

Elephants If the sight of pink elephants doesn’t give you tremors, then you haven’t had enough to drink yet. Have a few more cans of Carlsberg’s Elephant Beer. They may not be pink, but they’ll still have you seeing the pink variety.

Lions Hard to believe, but lions once roamed Europe and didn’t become extinct until as late as 100 CE in some parts. That’s at least part of the reason why the lion is such a part of European mythology, and is on flags, coats of arms and, of course, on beer labels. Lowenbrau means literally “lion’s brew” and the one in Munich is by no means the only lion’s brewery. There’s lion beers around the world and Lion Stout and a Lion Brewery in Pennsylvania.

Birds Believe it or not I have a strong affinity for birds. Being a Jay myself, some of my happiest moments as a child were birdwatching with my aunt and grandmother and one of my earliest merit badges was for birdwatching, too. According to the International Bird Beer Label Association (IBBLA), there are at least 310 beer labels with a bird on them. From Antarctica’s penguin to the bald eagle on Yuengling’s Traditional Lager, the hummingbird from Humboldt and all the Hawks — Red Tail, Black, White and the Eye of the — from Mendocino, birds are all over the world of beer.

Dogs Dogs might quite possibly be the most popular animal on beer labels. Many breweries have their own dogs and Rogue even has a festival for their dog Brewer, who passed away a few years ago. In Australia, you can even get a special beer for your dog. There’s Flying Dogs, Sea Dogs, Brew Dogs, Red Dogs, Laughing Dog, Thirsty Dog, Big Dog, Lazy Dog, Ugly Dog, Blue Eyed Dog, a Hair of the Dog, and even Lucky Labrador. There’s a Turbo Dog Beer, a Fat Dog Stout, Dogfather Imperial Stout and Old Leghumper. Man’s best friend is undoubtedly a brewery’s best friend, too.

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Goats The German style Bock began in the town of Einbeck. The name is a corruption of the medieval German brewing town of Einbeck, but also means male deer or goat in German; the word is a cognate of the English “buck”. So it is that goats are often featured on bock beer labels. They’re downright ubiquitous, and in fact it’s more unusual that a bock beer label doesn’t have a goat somewhere on it.

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Other animals considered were the wonderful Griffin, but since that’s only Fuller’s it didn’t make sense to include. I certainly couldn’t include talking frogs or flatulent horses. I considered deer, usually called Stag beer. And apart from rhyming, what do skunks have to do with being drunk?

What are your favorites?

Also, if you have any ideas for future Top 10 lists you’d like to see, drop me a line.

Top Ten Tuesday: Top 10 Annoyances Of St. Patrick’s Day

March 17, 2009 By Jay Brooks

Unless you’re living under a rock, you no doubt know that today is St. Patrick’s Day, a national day in Ireland and a drinking day here in the United States of Alcohol, where almost every holiday has been stripped of whatever meaning it originally had and has been turned into a marketing opportunity for Hallmark cards and every other company that can tie its products into the holiday. This is especially true for the big alcohol companies, who rarely miss an opportunity to turn ready-made social functions where alcohol may or may not have played a traditional role into events that are almost solely about alcohol. Yes, that’s right, I’m a curmudgeon. And not just ’cause I’m old now. I’ve always been a curmudgeon. When I was a kid it was precocious, as a young adult I was merely annoying, but now my curmudgeonly ways are finally hitting their groove. Old people are expected to be cranky, but I’ve long perfected the art so I’ve had a grand head start. Lucky me.

So back to today. I have nothing against alcohol and holidays pleasantly mixing. Most require a drink just to tolerate the relatives. Alcohol is best when it’s a shared experience. That’s not it at all. What bugs me about the way holidays are marketed is that idea that they’re all about fun, nothing but fun, and nothing but alcohol, troughs and troughs of it. Halloween used to be for kids, now it’s the number one keg sales weekend of the year. And St. Patrick’s Day has to be one of the worst. We took the Irish predisposition for enjoying a drink now and again, and turned it into green beer day with everyone expected to drink until they vomit and the street runs green with it. In Ireland, it was originally a religious holiday celebrated with family dinners, akin to our Thanksgiving, but even there it’s become a big tourist industry with American-style partying in Dublin. So I tend to stay in on most of the big drinking holidays, preferring to drink modestly all the other nights of the year and leave the holidays for the rest of society to binge like they’ve been told to do. I guess all that spending is good for the economy, so who am I to complain. Just keep me the hell away from it. Tomorrow it will all be over and things can get back to normal drinking again. So this week, I thought I’d tackle the things that annoy me most about St. Patrick’s Day, given my disdain for the way its celebrated in America. Anyway, here’s List #10:

Top 10 Annoyances Of St. Patrick’s Day

	Kelly Green Don’t get me wrong, green is a terrific color. It’s the color of hops. There are few sights more beautiful than a hopyard at harvest time. But Kelly green has to be one of the most garish and ugly expressions of green to ever get its own Pantone number. A little goes a long way and a lot, like the average St. Patrick’s Day party and my eyes start to hurt. And more curiously, blue was the color most associated with St. Patrick’s Day, until the “wearing of the green” took over, though originally it meant to wear a shamrock, before mutating into its present meaning of wearing all green.
	Leprechauns Am I the only one a little creeped out by these “little people” who hoard gold, hide at the end of rainbows, and then wonder why everybody’s after them? Miniature old men with a love of shoes is not exactly my idea of cute and cuddly. In some mythologies, they’re demons who appear only every thousand years. Lucky charms, indeed.
	What About All the Other Ethic Groups? I have absolutely nothing against the Irish or even Irish-Americans. Some of my best friends are Irish. I’d even let my daughter marry one … someday, not now; she’s only four. But all — alright, some — kidding aside, why did this one particular ethnicity get a major holiday and not the dozens of other immigrant groups who came to our shores as huddled masses, yearning to breathe free. Why isn’t Casmir Pulaski Day (it celebrates Polish-Americans) or St. George’s Day (the English) as big a holiday here. For that matter, virtually every hyphenated American has a day on which they celebrate their origins, why isn’t our general calendar rife with them? I know politics is essentially the answer to why it became a big holiday, but why haven’t we moved past such out-dated thinking? Either we celebrate all our diversity or none, anything else seems patently unfair.
	That Music … I’m sure this is just me, and I can’t even remember the name of the song. When I was stationed in New York City, during the days surrounding St. Patrick’s Day, the Army Band I played in was called on to play at least a gazillion neighborhood St. Patrick’s Day parades, often two, three or four in a single day. And almost the whole time we’d play one single piece of music, over and over again. It was so bad, for me at least, that I’ve blocked it out and can’t even remember the name of it, but you’d know it immediately upon hearing it as a St. Patrick’s Day song. It’s not Danny Boy, it’s not the Washer Woman, though it’s at least somewhat similar to that. If anybody thinks they know this annoying song, keep it to yourself. No, I’m kidding. I do want to know what it is. It’s driving me fairly mad, actually, that I can’t come up with the name and so far no amount of searching has yielded the answer.
	Parades After reading the last one, you already know how I feel about the parade music, but I’m no fan of St. Patrick’s Day parades, either. They’re not Irish at all, they’re an American invention. According to Wikipedia, “the world’s first St. Patrick’s Day parade was held in Boston in 1761, organized by the Charitable Society. The first recorded parade was New York City’s celebration which began on 18 March 1762 when Irish soldiers in the English military marched through the city with their music.” I’m not sure what the distinction is there, but that’s what it says. Either way, it was not a step forward in my opinion. And I like parades. I marched in more parades than almost anybody I know, from high school marching band, the Army Band, and the Wyomissing Band, a community band I spent summers with from age fourteen until I joined the Army. But St. Patrick’s Day parades just bug me. There’s no diversity, just a steady stream of green, with people marching for no better reason than the accident of their birth into one group instead of another. Oh, and you’ll find more obnoxious drunks at the average St. Patrick’s Day parade than any other I can think of.
	Guinness & Other Dry Irish Stouts Guinness was a bridge beer for me, one of the ones that began my lifelong interest in better beer. So I have a special place for it in my heart. Unfortunately, Diageo doesn’t have the same reverence for it that I once did. There at least eleven different Guinness formulas being made around the world. But it’s hard to take any beer company seriously that takes an iconic brand and test markets Guinness Red and releases an “Extra Cold” version. Murphy’s, unfortunately, isn’t much better now that Heineken owns the Cork brewery. Beamish, also from Cork, was owned by Canadian Carling, but after the Scottish & Newcastle breakup, it will soon be owned by Heineken, too. But that aside, there are some fine Irish stouts being made here in the states. I’m lucky enough to live near one of the best brewers of Irish stouts; Denise Jones of Moylan’s. She makes terrific examples of the style, and has for years, both at Moylan’s and her previous gig at Third Street Aleworks.
	Irish Beer Beyond the stouts, there’s precious little diversity to celebrate in Irish Beer. Harp is no great shakes, at least in my opinion, and apart from a few red or amber ales, there’s not much more that Ireland is traditionally known for. It’s my understanding that there are a few small Irish craft breweries making some good beer, but they’re obviously not too widespread yet, plus I’ve not yet had the pleasure to try any of them.
	You’re NOT Irish They say that on St. Patrick’s Day, everybody is a little Irish. Hogwash, I say. The people who buy into this are not pretending to be Irish, they’re trying to get drunk and get laid, usually both. That’s the extent of most revelers “Irish-ness.” It’s frankly embarrassing to watch this ritual play out in bar after bar every March 17. I’ve got nothing against anyone who wants a one night stand, if that’s your thing, go for it. There’s not nearly enough love in the world, even the fake kind expressed in the drunken hook-up. But using a holiday as your excuse seems even more pathetic than the usual rationalizations.
	Green Beer How this disgusting practice began is anyone’s guess. What I find particularly ironic about this is that the reason green is associated with Ireland has to do with the natural beauty of the Emerald Isle. So to celebrate that by adding a chemical dye into the Chicago River along with kegs of beer seems unnatural at best. I just don’t understand why anyone would want to adulterate the beautiful range of beer color with a putrid green. I don’t know if it’s related at all, but the students at the University of Miami in Oxford, Ohio have been celebrating Green Beer Day since 1952. They even have their own website for Green Beer Day, though primarily to sell tchotchkes.
	Bad Drunks I guess some people believe that acting Irish involves getting and/or being drunk. That Ireland is associated with drinking I won’t debate, certainly not among the writing class. But the way this plays out in bars, parade routes and blocked-off streets throughout America is some of the worst drunken examples of humanity that I’ve ever seen. All it does is provide ammunition for the New Drys to point at and use against responsible drinkers and try to further their agenda of a new prohibition. I’m a big fan of moderation and quite frankly St. Patrick’s Day is one of the most immoderate holidays of all. And I understand that all things in moderation includes moderation, too, meaning sometimes going crazy is not only okay, but downright necessary. But that should be an individual decision and made for personal reasons. It should not include just using a holiday as an excuse for binge drinking.

So enjoy yourself on St. Patrick’s Day. Here’s some more about the holiday, from Wikipedia, the History Channel and an interesting myth-busting article from Slate.

Also, if you have any ideas for future Top 10 lists you’d like to see, drop me a line.

Top Ten Thursday: Top 10 Smoked Beers

March 12, 2009 By Jay Brooks

For my ninth Top 10 list I’m behind again — story of life the last few weeks. On Tuesday, I finished up the last of four articles that were due at various times over the past week. Lew Bryson just announced his topic for next month’s Session, which is Smoked beers, so I thought that would be a worthy topic for this week’s list, to get ready for choosing a smoked beer. So although it’s more like Top Ten Thursday this week, here’s List #9:

Top 10 Favorite Smoked Beers

	*Stone Smoked Porter*
	*SandLot Second Hand Smoke*
	*Sly Fox Rauch Bier*
	*Smoke* From Rogue.
	*New Glarus Unplugged Smoke on the Porter* Is there anything Dan Carey can’t make incredibly well?
	*Adelscott* From the French brewery, Brasserie Fischer.
	*Alaskan Smoked Porter* This is arguably the best American example of a smoked beer, and its especially good after a couple of years aging. I once did a vertical tasting of five years worth of smoked beers, the oldest of which stretching back ten years. The decade-old one had turned, but the beers that were five or six years and younger all stood up quite well and added different characteristics and complexity as they grew older.
	*Spezial Rauchbier* Less well-known than Schlenkerla, but about as tasty, is Spezial, which operates a brewpub just a short walk from it. In fact, it’s across the street from yet another fine brewpub in Bamberg, Fassla, though they don’t make a rauchbier. Shelton Brothers does import their most popular rauchbier, but you really should make the trip to Bamberg.
	*Aecht Schlenkerla Rauchbier Marzen* This is the rauchbier that everybody knows, and with just cause. It is a delicious beer, especially on draft, and has set the standard by which all other smoked beers are judged.
	*Aecht Schlenkerla Rauchbier Urbock* The Urbock is only available from October to December (or until it runs out). It has richer malt flavors than the year-round Marzen, and pairs incredibly well with heavy meat dishes served in an onion the side of your head (which is what I had at the Schlenkerla tavern last fall.) I’ve never had it in the bottle, but on draft it’s divine.

Almost making the cut, and also quite tasty in my memory were Blind Tiger’s Smokey the Beer (and a great name to boot), Surly Smoke, and Tastes Like Burning (Ralph Wiggums Revenge) from Ithaca Brewing. And a couple more I’ve heard good things about but haven’t yet had an opportunity to try include East End’s Smokestack Heritage Porter, Harpoon’s Rauchfetzen, Smoke On The Water from Oskar Blues, ED (a.k.a. Imperial SmokED Brown Goose) and Second Hand Smoked, both from Goose Island Brewing.

Obviously, if your favorite isn’t on this list, it may simply be because I haven’t tried every smoked beer out there. Some, of course, are draft only or, if bottled, are only available in their local market, or at least not in mine. But let’s here about your favorite smoked beers, too. Join us next month for the Session, hosted next month by Lew Bryson, where we’ll be tasting smoked beers.

Also, if you have any ideas for future Top 10 lists you’d like to see, drop me a line.

Top Ten Tuesday: Top 10 Favorite Food & Beer Pairings

March 3, 2009 By Jay Brooks

You may have noticed that today’s my 50th birthday, and it’s also time for another Top Ten list. I’m hungry … really hungry, so I thought I’d make that the topic for my eighth Top 10 list — my favorite foods to pair with beer. I’m not talking specifics, just the best overall types of food that seem to naturally lend themselves to being improved by being paired with beer, at least to my eccentric palate. These might not all necessarily be the best pairings, but my favorites, and I lean toward comfort food, fried food and anything that’s really bad for you. And since I tend to pair beer with almost all the food I love, this list is perhaps more about the food I prefer than the pairings. But it’s my birthday, and I’m hungry, so whattayagonnado? Anyway, here’s List #8:

Top 10 Favorite Food & Beer Pairings

	Ice Cream This is an especially fun pairing to share with someone who’s never tried it, I guess because most people don’t think it will actually be good. But then they try it and make that surprised “hey, this is good” face, like I was trying to punk them into trying something awful. Vanilla with a porter or stout is good, but so are bourbon barrel-aged beers with almost anything so that the vanilla adds to the mix. Blue Moon, believe it or not, had a peanut butter beer at GABF last year that I’d wager would be terrific over some chocolate ice cream.
	Pizza, Etc. Pizza is almost too obvious, but it is a terrific combination. It’s no accident that so many brewpubs serve pizza. But there are also several pizza-like Italian dishes that work equally as well in my mind, like Lasagna and Calzone, the heavier the dish, the better they work for me, at least.
	Cheesesteaks, Etc. I grew up not too far from Philly, so I tend to believe that the cheesesteak is one of the finest expressions of comfort food ever invented. But there are differences in them from town to town, and the ones I grew up on used real cheese rather than the cheese whiz type you usually see at Pat’s and other central Philly locations. I acknowledge what most people believe, that the bread is probably the key to getting the taste right, though I confess I prefer a soft roll to a hard one, too. Before I could drink, I found that I loved pairing Orange Juice with cheesesteaks, but only later discovered how good beer works with them, too. Of course, you also need good potato chips to make the meal perfect. Generally speaking, many heavy beef dishes go spectacularly well with beer in my mind, especially a thick steak heavily laden with mushrooms, beef chili or a good meatloaf.
	Chocolate It often surprises people how well chocolate works with beer, especially rich, dark ales like porters and stouts. But those same people rarely know that those beer styles already often naturally have chocolate notes in them, so it seems incredibly obvious that they’d pair up nicely. And boy do they, especially when the chocolate has some fruit, nuts or other component that draws out the complexity in the beer.
	Pulled Pork, Etc. I love pork, and barbecue, but also have an aversion to bones. Just typing the words “biting down on a bone” here causes me to physically shudder, so I tend to gravitate toward pulled pork and other BBQ that no longer has its bones attached. But that pork and its attendant sauce or sauces marry up incredibly well with beer, especially palate cleansing beers heavy with hops. But even non-barbecued pork, like a good baked ham, can be a great dish to pair with beer.
	Turkey Of all the edible fowl, turkey is hands down my favorite. I assume chicken is the clear winner worldwide, and I have nothing against it or duck, goose, pheasant or quail, but I could eat turkey all year round, and in fact, I do. For me, a spicy beer like Anchor’s Christmas Ale or Pike’s Auld Acquaintance brings out the flavors of turkey and all the trimmings perfectly, especially when the turkey’s dry (and I don’t use gravy, either).
	Shepherd’s Pie How could you not love a dish that takes one of the best meals — meat, potato and vegetables — and bakes them all in a pie? I know traditional British pub food is much-maligned, but I love it. And especially a good Shepherd’s pie which, again, has that rich, heaviness that makes it an ideal foil for beer.
	Monte Cristo This is my favorite sandwich hands-down. If you’ve never had one, it’s a turkey, ham and cheese sandwich that’s then deep-fried and sprinkled with powdered sugar. For extra goodness, it’s usually served with strawberry jam that you dip the sandwich into. If it’s on a menu, I order it. No questions asked. The only thing that could make it better is French Fries and a beer.
	Frittes Take beer out of the equation, and potatoes jump to the top spot. I love potatoes no matter what the form, but I’m especially partial to potato chips. Where I grew up, there were dozens of small, local potato chip makers, some just farmers, in effect micro-chippers or craft chipperies. But warm frittes, especially with multiple sauces for dipping, work far better with beer as far as I’m concerned. Whether Belgian-style frittes, steak fries, shoestring fries, crinkle cut, or even waffle-cut, I can make a meal out of that.
	Cheese How could anything top the singular joy of combining two of life’s already greatest pleasures — cheese and beer — and discovering that they are so much better together than the sum of their parts. They are true synergy, the perfect pairing. I could almost live on cheese and beer, but ‘d miss potatoes, bacon and so much more way too much.

I also can appreciate oysters and stout, but I’m not a big fan of seafood generally so that’s why so few things from the sea make my list. I do love Fish & Chips, of course, because anything fried is good in my mind, even Calamari, but still ranks below many other dishes. And while Bacon improves any dish, it’s magic is as an additive, not as a stand-alone dish, otherwise it would probably make the list.

What are your favorite pairings?

Also, if you have any ideas for future Top 10 lists you’d like to see, drop me a line.

Top Ten Tuesday: Top 10 Least Favorite Defects

February 24, 2009 By Jay Brooks

Struggling to finish three articles this week, one of which is about beer defects, I figured I’d make that the topic for my seventh Top 10 list. To me, the curious thing about defects and identifying them for judging purposes is that everyone’s palates are different to some degree. Each person’s tolerances for different flavors and aromas vary wildly, making consensus very difficult, in some cases impossible. For example, I have a very high tolerance for diacetyl. For me to get that butterscotch or buttery character it has to be very concentrated. Other people I taste with regularly are very sensitive to it, making for lively discussions whenever a beer has marked levels of diacetyl. For that matter, some people really like the buttery character of diacetyl so for them it’s not a defect at all, but a desirable quality. Certainly, it worked for Redhook ESB. And of course, there are a few styles for which low levels are acceptable and even desirable. So who’s to say at what level it’s good or bad. While there are standards that have been agreed upon somewhat, the reality is that they can only be a guideline because of the variation in people’s personal palates. So while one might be tempted to believe that all defects are equal, in my experience that’s simply not true at all. Anyway, here’s List #7:

Top 10 Least Favorite Defects

	Vanilla I don’t dislike vanilla per se, just when it’s overdone. That’s a fine line to be sure, but I’m pretty sensitive to vanilla so even a little goes a long way for me. Many barrel aged beers take on that vanillan character and often times it’s too much as far as I’m concerned. The vanilla only works when it’s subtle and restrained.
	Catty People who I taste with regularly can usually predict my reaction to certain beers, so averse is my initial reaction to beers with cattiness — which I generally refer to as cat piss. I can appreciate the character in well-hopped beer, but it only works for me if the balance is there. Often, this is less a defect and more the choice of a particular hop or hops that imparts this character. Too much cat, and I scat.
	Cardboard Ugh, wet cardboard or paper, whether from age or oxidation, is hard to swallow. I can’t stand the smell when it’s actually wet paper, much less when it’s in my beer.
	Plastic I’m pretty tolerant here, so a beer has to be very phenolic for me to pick up on it, so by the time I do, it’s probably bad. Here, I’m referring to the phenolics that comes from the water used which gives it a very plastic, artificial taste.
	Vinegar I know people like vinegar on their fish and chips, but I’m not one of those people. I don’t like vinegar in anything. I don’t even like pickles to be even touching my food, that’s how much I hate vinegar. Of course, I had a traumatic incident in kindergarten involving a pickle, so my bias is probably not normal. Don’t ask me for the details if you’re planning on eating within an hour of hearing the story. It’s sort of like swimming after a meal.
	Cabbage I can’t stand eating cabbage, so I’m no fan of it in my beer, either. Plus, the idea of the bacteria contamination that usually causes Dimethylsulfide (or DMS) makes me queasy just thinking about it.
	Medicinal The band-aid or diaper aromas and flavor, the Chlorophenols of the phenolics family, aren’t always bad, but when they are too strong, boy they’re hard to overlook. It’s their artificial quality that I just can’t abide.
	Solvent This can also be described as acetone or laquer thinner, and makes me queasy just thinking about that smell, let alone when faced with it. Finding this strongly in the nose makes it hard to even take a sip of it. I once accidentally swallowed a small amount of gasoline when I was in my early teens — which I don’t recommend. That’s what a beer that’s overly solventlike reminds me of; yuck.
	Sulfur Who likes the smell of rotten eggs? Anyone? Bueller, Bueller? A sign of a serious problem of contamination, this is one of those pour-it-down-the-drain beers that usually leaves me wondering how it made it into the bottle in the first place.
	Skunky While arguably not as bad as some of the more process defects, lightstruck makes the top spot for me because it’s a problem that’s so easily fixed. All it would take to remove this problem is to use a can or a brown bottle, but marketing concerns are more important for those companies that continue to use clear and green glass. You just have to shake your head at the idiocy.

You already know why diacetyl didn’t make my list. What makes yours?

Also, if you have any ideas for future Top 10 lists you’d like to see, drop me a line.

Top Ten Tuesday: Top 10 Festival Pet Peeves

February 17, 2009 By Jay Brooks

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After taking a week off for SF Beer Week and attending something like 25-30 events in ten days, my sixth Top 10 list is my pet peeves at a beer festival or event, the things that drive me batty when out in public at an event involving sampling, be it at a festival, bar or restaurant, anywhere really, where the event is focused on beer being served. I know most festival-goers are upstanding, responsible people and most festival organizers are likewise doing their best, but it’s those few in the minority doing their best to ruin the experience for the rest of us that deserve our condemnation. Maybe you’ll agree, maybe not. Maybe you’re one of these people. If so, cut it out, will you? Anyway, here’s List #6:

Top 10 Festival Pet Peeves

	Festival Food Estimates This is perhaps my biggest quibble with the venues that rent their space for people to put on beer festivals. In my personal experience, in their pursuit of profit, they have a twisted sense of reality. Most venues that serve food insist that if you use their space, you have no choice but to buy their food. But how much? They invariably charge by the head, meaning you give them an estimate of how many people you’re expecting at your event and then they provide what they claim is enough food for that many people. But it never, ever is enough. Ever. I don’t know exactly how they arrive at their estimates, except to say they try to give you as little as possible — that’s how they make their money after all, they don’t have to listen to the complaints of all the people who got in line too late to actually get any food. It’s very frustrating because I don’t really see what can be done about it. The greedy fuckers aren’t going to change anytime soon and they could care less if the people who attend your festival are satisfied or not. They know you have little choice. Business doesn’t have to be conducted that way, nor do I believe it should be, but that’s what happens to a society who cares more about profit than people.
	The Entitled Not all beer is the same. I know, it seems obvious, doesn’t it? Some costs more to make, too. When breweries bring beer to a festival, they try to estimate bringing enough for the expected crowd, but they also don’t want to have to haul a half-full keg back home, either, so they try to be as accurate as they can with their estimates. For the more special, rarer, more expensive-to-make beers, they often bring less. They have to. They do their best. But sometimes, their beer may prove more popular than they anticipated and they run out. Shit happens. It shouldn’t be the end of the world. It isn’t, really, except to the group of people I call “The Entitled.” They paid their money and feel entitled. If they don’t get to try a particular beer because they didn’t get in line soon enough, you know sometime during the first two or three hours, then they believe they’ve been cheated. Some even think they should get a refund. I don’t know if it’s the drink talking or if they’d feel that way no matter what. They paid for the opportunity to try the beers at an event, not an actual tasting of every single one. That should be obvious at festivals like GABF where there can be 1400+ beers on the floor, but it’s just as true at any other festival, too. You make choices. You may not get to try everything you wanted. Time is fixed and there’s only so much you can do. Get over it.
	No Kids Allowed I’ve hammered this one to death, over and over again. Sorry. And I know it’s rarely the festival organizers who make this rule, but it is almost always a rule dictated by either the venue or a governing body, be it a state liquor control board or state law more generally. But boy does it annoy me. The very notion that children should be restricted from portions of society “deemed” to be for adults only gnaws at my sense of proportion. That should be a decision for the parents. Some may believe they should not bring their children with them to a beer festival. And that’s just fine with me. If you feel that way, don’t. I make no judgment concerning your right not to bring your children along. The breadth of paternalism in our laws makes our entire society like children, unable to make decisions for themselves. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. You treat people like children who need to have everything spelled out for them and give them no ability to decide what they think is best, then you create a society of children who’ve never had to make a hard decision and that just begets more paternalistic laws.
	Line Grumblers I’m no fan of waiting in lines, but I suspect no one really likes it. However, if you attend a popular event that begins at a time certain, then chances are at some point you’ll have to wait in a line, maybe two. It’s just math. If hundreds of people are all trying to be in the same place at the same time, it just isn’t possible for everyone to waltz in without any delays. And that’s even more true at events where alcohol is being served, because there’s the added trouble of having to check ID cards. Until they invent a robot that can instantaneously check your age by bone density, retinal scan and DNA sample while at the same time putting on your wristband, you’re going to have to cool your jets for a few minutes at least. Get over it. You don’t hear everybody else grumbling, do you? They understand the inevitability of it, what’s wrong with you? Yet there’s always a percentage of the crowd that seems to believe they’re special or somehow better than the rest of us, that feel they’re too good to wait in a line and want to let you know just how unfairly you’re treating them. Please, shut up and stop whining already. Sheesh. The number one thing you can do to get in sooner? Arrive earlier. Now was that so hard?
	Sample Size Snivelers Every beer festival has a glass and a sample size that the people pouring the beer have been instructed to give you. If they shorted you by a few milliliters, do you really think they’re trying to cheat you personally? Can you really be that paranoid? No, they made a simple mistake. They’re under pressure from the organizers, who themselves are probably scared they might accidentally over-serve someone and open themselves up to liability by our draconian alcohol laws. Often they’re volunteers. They’re trying their best. Stop yelling at them. And stop asking for more than you’re allowed. Get in line again, if you want some more of a particular beer. I agree it’s ridiculous that so many states believe that there’s a huge difference between getting a 1 ounce sample and a 1.1 ounce sample, but you’re not going to change the law by harassing the person pouring it at the festival.
	Booth Talkers You’ve waited in line. You’ve finally gotten your beer. Did it escape your notice that there’s a throng of people behind you whose only difference from yourself is that they got in line a few seconds after you did? They would like to sample the beer, too. Shut up, get out of the way. If you’re alone at the booth, fine. Ask all the questions you want, but please keep an eye on the space behind you for someone who’s as interested in trying a beer as you are. I know most brewers and brewer’s reps are happy to answer your questions, but that still doesn’t make it the ideal spot, please just try to be considerate. Remember the golden lager rule; don’t keep people from the beer you already got.
	Line Blockers Similar to #5, but worse in my mind. You’ve waited in line. You’ve finally gotten your beer. To your credit, you got out of the way so the next person could get a sample, too. You backed up … a little. But then you stopped, usually with a couple of friends. You’re halfway back, not at the front of the line anymore, but not out of the way either. People walking up aren’t sure if you’re even in line. But you’re so engrossed in your conversation that you’re oblivious to the people around you. And now you’re part of an amorphous gang of people in the way; blocking the line. To me that’s what toddlers do; they’re down low and unaware of anyone around them. Grow up; pay attention to your surroundings. I can forgive a four-year old for being underfoot and inattentive, but you’re at least 21. Try to remember there are other people in the world.
	Glass Breakers This is something I just don’t get. Once upon a time, people accidentally dropped their glasses at beer festivals. It happened, people are only human, after all. People cheered. Murmurs rang out amid the rafters and the sound carried throughout large halls whenever this happened. It was organic then and for that reason it didn’t really bug me that much. But nowadays, I see people aggressively throwing their glasses down at the end of a festival, trying to get a rise out of the crowd. And crowd mentality being what it is, it works. More people throw down. Glass flies everywhere. It’s dangerous. It’s immature. It’s stupid. If you do it, you’re an unevolved twit. Stop it.
	Common Thieves Here’s another head scratcher. You go to a beer festival, presumably because you love beer and/or the breweries there pouring their beer. But then toward the end of the festival, a curious transformation occurs. You turn into a common thug and try to take anything not nailed down as a “souvenir.” Just because the brewery brought it with them doesn’t mean you can simply take it. Banners are the worst, as they cost breweries hundreds of dollars and some people apparently feel it’s perfectly okay to just walk off with them when no one’s looking. It’s become a huge problem for small brewers. We’re all glad you enjoyed yourself and had a memorable time, but that doesn’t mean you should thank them by stealing their stuff. Do you go to a friend’s house for dinner and then take whatever you can carry from their home as you leave? How on Earth can you think that’s okay? You’re doing actual harm to the small businesses you claim to support. Do you not get that it’s just stealing plain and simple or does having a few beers in you make that morally acceptable? I mean WTF are you thinking?
	Bad Drunks There’s probably no way to stop everybody from getting overly drunk at a beer festival. Some people look at the price of a beer festival admission as a challenge to get “their money’s worth,” which for them means drinking as much as humanly possible. Keeping the price of festival’s admission high can help somewhat, but it’s no guarantee. GABF ticket prices are pretty steep, but there’s still plenty of bad drunks there by the end of every session. It runs completely contrary to the idea of what a beer festival is supposed to be about; which is an opportunity to try a wide range of beers in one place, at one time. But beer festivals also need a certain number of attendees to break even, and they unfortunately can’t be too picky about who they let it. A valid ID and exact change are usually more than enough. I believe the way we treat underage drinking and utterly fail to ever teach our youth responsible drinking is at least partly to blame. That, and never letting families attend festivals so kids can see models of responsible behavior — in their parents, one hopes — and the contrast of the other folks who didn’t get the word. We’ve created the conditions for binge drinking to flourish by never allowing any alternatives to be shown or examined and then rail against it as if it happened all by itself and our own policies are not to blame. When you make something a taboo, you make it more attractive to the rebellious nature of youth. But, of course, it isn’t just young people. Generations of neo-prohibitionist propaganda and puritanical thinking have left most of society scarred in such as way as to produce widespread dysfunctional drinking patterns. It didn’t have to be that way, but that’s what happens when your alcohol policy consists entirely of saying “don’t do it.” But while I recognize it’s partly fantasy, I’d like to think that a craft beer festival should be a place to explore good beer without having trouble standing or walking when you leave. And don’t get me started on belligerent drunks. There’s nothing worse than a drunk with a chip on his shoulder itching for an altercation of some kind. You don’t belong at a beer festival. You’re ruining it for everybody else. Cut it out. If you can’t make it through four hours of small samples of beer without becoming a falling-down, foul-mouthed, anti-social, bellicose pain-in-the-ass excuse for a human being, stay away. Please, just stay home and do your drinking where you can harm only yourself.

What are your pet peeves at beer festivals and other events?

Here are some good additions to the list people have sent in, so far:

No place to sit
Not enough bathrooms
Not enough drinking water provided (to rinse glasses and, more importantly, to drink).
Not enough dump buckets to allow for/encourage not drinking what you don’t care for just to empty the glass.

Also, if you have any ideas for future Top 10 lists you’d like to see, drop me a line.

Top Ten Tuesday: Top 10 Anchor Beers

February 3, 2009 By Jay Brooks

For my fifth Top 10 list I’m up to my eyeballs getting ready for SF Beer Week. Since Anchor Brewery is the oldest brewery in San Francisco still around, having been founded originally around 1864 (though it wasn’t called Anchor beer until 1896), I though I’d list my favorite Anchor beers. On Friday they’re debuting a new beer and I’ve very excited about it. I know what it is, but am sworn to secrecy. I could tell, but then I’d have to kill you. By Friday night the cat will be out of the bag, so to speak, and I’ll be able to reveal what it is. Suffice it to say, I don’t think you’ll be disappointed. Anyway, here’s List #5:

Top 10 Favorite Anchor Beers

	*Bock* Another of their newest beers, but I’ve never quite warmed up to it.
	*Summer Beer/Wheat Beer* The wheat build on the two is slightly different, but they don’t taste substantially different. Anyway, the Summer beer replaced the Wheat Beer in their portfolio.
	*Small Beer* Perhaps the finest example of recycling, and a great way to make a tasty session beer.
	*Steam* I know the Steam beer is one of the few original American beer styles, and I certainly appreciate it on that level, but it’s never been my favorite of their beers. It is a great thirst quencher, and works with a variety of foods — but you knew that, right?
	*Spruce Beer* Most people I’ve talked to about this beer have a love/hate relationship with this beer; they hated it and I loved it. I wish I still had some of this, though by now it would be toast. It had a very strong air freshener nose, which was oddly absent on the palette. But that spruce character was overpowering, and I think that’s what turned people off.
	*Our Special Ale (2000-present)* Since the Millennium, the spices in Anchor’s Christmas beer have been too restrained, but then I think if you’re going to do a spice beer you should go whole hog. It’s still better than almost every other spice beer out there, but I have a very warm (spicy) spot in my heart for their earlier efforts.
	*Porter* By the time this was first bottled in 1974, the style had almost died in England, sad to say. Maytag apparently spent a lot of time studying English styles in England and it’s quite evident in the beers that Anchor released in the early 1970s.
	*Old Foghorn Barleywine Style Ale* Another old English style that Anchor helped introduce to American drinkers is their barley wine, which debuted in 1976. I confess I’ve developed a taste for more generously hopped barley wine, but can still appreciate a maltier one like Anchor brews. And when you’re in the mood for one like that, you’d be hard pressed to find a better example on our side of the pond.
	*Our Special Ale (@1994-99)* These were the years (roughly) when the spices in Anchor’s Christmas beer really shined. I still have a couple of magnums from these years and a few 12 oz. bottles. Having done a few verticals stretching back pretty far, I’ve found about ten years in the max for aging Anchor’s Christmas beers, though the spicier ones, of course, have a slight advantage. Most people I know think their beers were too spicy at this time, but not me. These were my favorites.
	*Liberty Ale* You’d be hard-pressed to find a better all-purpose beer than Liberty. Its aromatic Cascade hops are almost pedestrian today but in 1975 it must have seemed revolutionary, which is fitting, I suppose, since it was released on April 18, the 200th anniversary of Paul Revere’s Ride at the beginning of the American Revolutionary War. Remember the time you drank your first decidedly hoppy beer? It was so different from anything else that it was almost confusing. In 1975, as a high school sophomore, I was drinking local lagers and cream ales in Eastern Pennsylvania. I can’t imagine what I would have thought of Liberty at that time. But now it feels positively sessionable, even at 6%. I know I treat it that way. It’s a beer I often start and finish a night out with. Their best, hands down.

I wish I had an opportunity to try the Ninkasi Ale they did in 1989 and also the Potrero Commons in 1990. Oh, well.

Also, if you have any ideas for future Top 10 lists you’d like to see, drop me a line.

Top Ten Tuesday: Top 10 Beer Songs

January 27, 2009 By Jay Brooks

For my fourth Top 10 list I’m tackling — as promised — my first non-beer topic, though it’s beer-related. As far as I’m concerned, music and beer are as interconnected as two things can be. They certainly enhance one another. I’m a failed musician —saxophone and clarinet — and in fact was originally a music theory/composition when I started college. I wanted to write classical music, but quickly discovered it was highly unlikely one could make much of a living at it, and I was not interested in teaching. So I switched majors to communications, although my love for music, of course, never left me. I listen to a fairly wide range of music, from classical to jazz to that newfangled rock and roll, but songs about beer tend more often to be country, traditional rock or, oddly, punk. Without really intending to, I’ve managed to collect over 500 songs that have to do specifically with beer and maybe 100 more that are about alcohol or drinking more generally. Anyway, here’s List #4:

Top 10 Favorite Beer Songs

Give Me a Red Hot Mama and An Ice Cold Beer by Smiley Maxedon [YouTube]

John Barleycorn Must Die by Traffic (there are many, many versions of this old English folk song, but I like Traffic’s best, though Jethro Tull has a great live version.) [Traffic] [Jetro Tull Live]

Beer by the Asylum Street Spankers [YouTube]

Beer Is Good by PsychoStick [YouTube]

Lager Delirium by Bad Manners (they also have another kick-ass beer song, Special Brew.) [Lager Delirium] [Special Brew]

One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer by John Lee Hooker (though George Thorogood’s version ain’t half bad either.) [John Lee Hooker] [George Thorogood]

Beer by Reel Big Fish [YouTube]

Beer by The Reverend Horton Heat (his “Beer 30” is great, too.) [Beer] [Beer 30]

Beer Bottle Boogie by Koko Taylor [YouTube]

Drinking Beer by Jimmy Witherspoon [YouTube]

Some of the other songs that almost made the list were the Ballad of Pilsner Beer by Agriculture Club, Beer by Cory Morrow, another song titled simply Beer by Secret Agent 8, Beer Drinkers by Drive By Truckers, Beer Drinkin’ Woman by Memphis Slim, Brew’s Blues by Cal Tjader, Hair of the Dog by the Morrells (might have been higher, but it’s unclear that it’s beer), the Philosopher’s Song by Monty Python (a true gem, but it’s not strictly beer, but includes all alcohol), There Stands the Glass by Webb Pierce (and Van Morrison just recorded a cool version of this song), Titties & Beer by Frank Zappa, and Warm Beer and Cold Women by Tom Waits.

And while I can’t say I often give it a listen, The Beer Barrel Polka (a.k.a. Roll Out the Barrel) can’t be completely ignored. But I do love a good polka, I must confess, especially something like the Drink Beer Polka, by the Leningrad Cowboys.

Also, if you have any ideas for future Top 10 lists you’d like to see, drop me a line.

Top Ten Tuesday: Top 10 Brewing Nations

January 20, 2009 By Jay Brooks

For my third Top 10 list I thought I’d tackle something global. For many years, decades and longer, which countries were known for their beer was fairly staid, and didn’t change much at all. And for most of that time, the U.S. wouldn’t likely make the list at all. But over the last thirty years, that’s all changed, I’d argue. Many of the same players are around, including many nations with rich and long brewing traditions, but there are also many new players, who were not really known for their beer until very recently. So here are my choices for the Top 10 Brewing Nations, which I’ve based on the overall quality of their beer, along with the diversity and innovation they bring to it. Anyway, here’s List #3:

Top 10 Beer Countries

	Czech Republic It’s hard to ignore the Czech Republic. Not only do they have the highest per-capita consumption of beer, but the Eastern European nation also contains the birthplace of pilsner. But most of what we get from there has a certain sameness to it, not that most of it isn’t of a high quality. I’ve tried some of their more obscure beers that have been hand-carried to the states and while there have been a few interesting examples that are different, not enough to make me rank them above number ten.
	Italy When you think of Italy, it’s usually their wine or food that comes to mind. Up in the northern part of Italy, near the German border, there have been some fine, largely obscure, breweries making decent lagers for many years. But in the last two decades, their craft scene throughout the country has really taken off and is, if hasn’t already, about to reach a tipping point. Using many unusual and local ingredients, Italian craft brewers are truly making some outstanding and unique beers.
	Sweden Sweden is another European country that saw something spectacular going on in America and decided there was no reason they couldn’t make beer just as great. They were right. The rest of Scandinavia is doing well these days, too, but Sweden, I think leads the pack there.
	Australia While most people think of Foster’s when they contemplate beer down under, it’s not even a popular brand there. And while there are plenty of bland Foster’s-like beers to disdain, there is also much to love that’s flying under the radar. They have a long craft tradition that’s nearly as old as our own, though very little of it reaches us, sad to say.
	Scotland Scotland, much like their neighbor to the south, has a long tradition of fine ales. Like England, their story lately has been one of mergers and closures, but with a growing craft scene that includes such rising stars as Brew Dog and Harviestoun Brewery, though the latter has been purchased by Caledonian. Plus, Traquair House is still there. As long as that’s true, Scotland will remain in my heart, or at least my liver.
	Canada Like America, Canada suffers from having a few bland macro beers that everyone identifies with the country’s beer. But there is a wonderful array of small craft brewers toiling away in more obscurity than they should be in a more just world. Unibroue alone makes me love Canadian beer, though there are plenty of examples of it being beyond Molson, Labatt’s and Moosehead.
	Germany When you read the next selection, this may seem contradictory, but being immersed in Germany’s beer culture is a wonderful experience. Their styles are perfectly suited to the national cuisine so that when you’re there it’s hard to imagine the beer being any better. That seems especially true in the small town breweries, many of which, while struggling, are still around. Many of those beers are hard or impossible to find outside Germany, which is a tragedy. And it’s wonderful to see how seriously the Germans take their brewing heritage. You don’t see that as strongly in many places.
	England This was a tough one, but I have a soft spot for ales. I certainly love a fine pilsner and can appreciate many types of lagers, I love the flowery flavors of a warm, especially cask-conditioned, ale. Ales were, o course, some of the first beers I enjoyed that were beyond the bland lagers that I grew up with and were some of the first craft beers I enjoyed, too. And while England’s beer scene is on the ropes these days, many new small craft brewers are emerging there, as well, riding to the rescue, as it were. Many of my favorite styles are all ales that began in England’s rich traditions.
	Belgium A decade ago, this would have been my number one. Belgium certainly used to hold the title for most styles brewed in a single country. I suspect there’s still pretty close, given that so may of their beers are completely unique and different from one another. It’s often hard to even pin down the style of a Belgian beer, not that there’s really any point to trying. But the sheer number of truly world-class wonderful beers makes Belgium my favorite brewing nation outside my home.
	United States There was a time, not so long ago, when this idea would have been laughable. But not anymore. I may be a little biased, but there is now more diversity in American beer than any other country in the world. It may be a small part of the total sold, but craft beer in terms of its quality is now second to none. Where once U.S. brewers followed other nations’ brewing traditions, we are now setting the pace, with several burgeoning brewing renaissances taking place around the world who are looking to us for inspiration. Craft beer is one of the things Americans can genuinely still be proud of.

Note: This was a tough one to rank for the bottom five. Some countries I considered, but ultimately left off the top ten include The Netherlands, Ireland, Austria and Japan. All of those are making progress but still do suffer from a lack of innovation and diversity, at least for now. Each have examples that that is starting to change. It’s possible that any of those could have been substituted for my choice for number ten but I had to make a decision in the end. As for Scandinavia, Denmark and Norway are also doing quite well, I just felt that Sweden had the edge on them, at least for now.

Also, if you have any ideas for future Top 10 lists you’d like to see, drop me a line.

Top Ten Tuesday: Top 10 Pub Pet Peeves

January 13, 2009 By Jay Brooks

For my second Top 10 list I’m feeling grumpy, due to a nasty cold that’s knocked me for a loop. So my list will reflect that, the things that drive me batty when out in public, be it at a beer bar or restaurant, anywhere really, where beer is served that’s a public space. I know most bartenders are hard-working men and women who deserve our respect — and I have a great many friends in such positions — but there are times when the bad ones really drive me balmy. Likewise, customers are often complete jerks to not only the staff but everyone else in the bar, too. I can’t stand to be around these dim bulbs for very long either. I’m not sure which is worse: that they’re being so incredibly rude and/or stupid or that in most cases they don’t even seem to realize it. Add too much alcohol, and the effect is magnified. Such obliviousness to those around them is perhaps the most annoying feature of immaturity, as children are naturally self-centered. As they grow, they learn to care about people other than themselves. But I find that the very idea of respect for others is becoming an old-fashioned, quaint notion. See, I told you I was feeling cantankerous. And I’m feeling old today. The half-century mark is itself one less than 50 days away, and I’m feeling it. I understand I should be thrilled that I have pain, because it should remind that at least I’m still alive. But it feels as if my body decided to remind me by visiting upon me every ache and pain I’ve ever had all at one go. Oh, the humanity! Anyway, here’s List #2:

Top 10 Pub Pet Peeves

	Smoke I normally don’t care if other people smoke, but it in an unventilated space like the average bar it gets in the way of enjoying the beer and the company. I know this is a controversial subject, but as smoke has a tendency to drift, smoking sections make about as much sense in a bar or restaurant as they did on airplanes.
	Mobile Phones I know it’s the 21st century and I’m no technophobe, obviously, since this is written using a computer and I use a crackberry when out, but I don’t want to hear your phone conversation. If you get a call, take it outside, or at least somewhere more private.
	Ordering Off-Menu I find this especially annoying at brewpubs, but to me it’s just as odd at better beer bars, too. When you go to one of these places it should be for the beer, if not the combination of beer and food. So why order a low-calorie light beer from a macro brewery (whether foreign or domestic) or even anything from one of those large beer companies. If you’re at a brewpub, you’re at the source, the place where it’s being made. It’s the reason the place was built and you couldn’t get a fresher beer unless you made some at your table. But still, every now and again you’ll see someone in there nursing his Bud Light, usually straight out of the bottle. It’s even more prevalent at better beer bars. If some bar saw fit to carry some of the tastiest beers money could buy, why on Earth would anyone settle for the ordinary? I suppose the likeliest answer is that person got dragged to the bar by his friends, but could he (or she) muster no better imagination than to order one of the most common beers on the planet? Is advertising and marketing that effective? Sadly, it probably is. And don’t get me started on the person sipping their glass of wine at the brewpub. Really, you couldn’t muster the courage to try the house special? I love wine, but if I’m at a beer place, I’m drinking beer.
	Lemons If I wanted a lemon in my beer, I would have asked for one. Just because some people don’t mind — or have been persuaded to think it’s a good idea — to have a lemon wedge in their beer doesn’t mean everyone wants one. And once it’s in there affecting the flavor of the beer, it can’t be undone. So the sensible thing to do would be to ask first, or bring it to the table on a plate, thereby leaving the choice up to the customer. Now why is that so difficult?
	Poor Selection This used to be more of a problem than it is today, at least where I live. But there was a time when many bars carried just the macro beers along with a few macro imports, and nothing else, not even Samuel Adams, Anchor or Sierra Nevada. Nowadays you’ll usually find at least one of those three in even the seediest bar. But would it kill a bar to carry just a few beers beyond those? Apparently it never occurred to the owners that people might want something else.
	Untrained Staff There’s nothing worse than asking the bartender or waitress about a new beer on the menu and finding out they know nothing whatsoever about it. In some cases, they don’t know the first thing about what they’re serving at all, which I find bizarre. I just can’t imagine the lack of ambition or curiosity that would lead to such apathy. But beyond that individual server, I think it reflects most poorly on the owners who obviously didn’t care that the person representing their business knows absolutely nothing about what they’re selling.
	Frosted Glasses What I find most amazing about this abhorrent practice is that it is usually presented as a bonus and when turned down, no matter how graciously, appears to completely confound. The bar that serves frosted glassware believes they’re giving their customers added value, a kind of bonus, while in reality they’re actually ruining the beer. I’ve been served Chimay in a frosted chalice and when I asked — politely — if I could have it in an un-frosted glass, my waitress looked at me like a dog who’d just been shown a card trick. Why would I not want a frosted glass?, her expression seemed to convey. She acted as if I’d hurt her feelings, and our service plummeted for the rest of the meal.
	Just the Bottle Why do some bars bring just the bottle or can, forcing me to ask for a glass? Bars should always serve beer in or with a glass — and the appropriate one at that — or at the very least ask me if I want one when taking my order. Sheesh.
	Beer Gone Bad and/or Dirty Lines Being served a beer that’s gone bad is a worrying sign on several levels. Is the beer unpopular or is the entire bar? Were the lines not cleaned recently? Most better beer bars understand how important this is, but many average ones don’t seem to get this simple fact. Or is it that they don’t realize the beer has gone bad? Either way, the end result is unhappy customers — or at least the ones who can tell the difference.
	Too Cold Despite the marketing barrage trying to convince us that ice cold beer is best, I want to be able to actually taste the beer I’m drinking. That’s why I ordered it. And serving beer too cold seems to be the most pervasive problem in American bars, hands down. Beyond a handful of good beer bars that actually care about the beer they’re serving, most just don’t seem to get that their beer is too frigid.

Also, if you have any ideas for future Top 10 lists you’d like to see, drop me a line.

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