If you’re like me you probably don’t have six-pack abs, but now you can at least wear a six-pack on your abs. Thanks to Urban Outfitters, you can carry a six-pack of bottles (or cans, as far as I can tell) on their new Beer Belt.
If Batman were a beer drinker, his utility belt might look something like this.
Here’s the description from their website catalog listing:
I can’t say I understand what would need to be “wiped clean.” That frightens me a little, but I imagine there are at least a few instances when this might come in handy. Tailgating leaps to mind.
Or perhaps hiking through the woods in the hopes of getting drunk enough to get lost and racking up a lot of tax-payer dollars to rescue your sorry ass. It would certainly make a long plane ride more bearable, provided your were seated next to a bathroom and it was before the 21st Century when air travel was still civilized.
But back to Batman. If he had a Beer Belt, he wouldn’t need to carry those cans and would be better prepared should the dynamic duo need to perform some feat of daring-do on the way to a birthday party.
I can only presume that “life-changing, prayer-answering, best-idea-anyone’s-ever-had invention of the century” is just a bit of hyperbole or what in the sales game is called “puffing.” Hilarious.
What’s perhaps even more amazing is that Urban Outfitter’s beer belt is not the only one. There’s also a canvas one that’s designed for both cans and bottles with the website TheBeerBelt.com. The canvas one even has a seventh slot for a deck of cards or, more realistically, a pack of cigarettes. There’s even a zippered money pouch for cash, credit cards and that all-important I.D. card to prove you’re old enough to drink no matter how old you are.
Here’s how they describe the canvas beer belt:
But can it be wiped clean?
The only beer belt I’ve ever heard of is the geographic one in Europe that runs from Great Britain southeast to Austria and Slovakia, which separates the wine belt in the southwest and the vodka belt to the northeast.
The Beer Belt on what I can only presume is a real live human being.