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Jay R. Brooks on Beer

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Pete’s Joke of the Week #2

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Okay, it’s not exactly weekly, but here’s another beer joke from my friend Pete Slosberg which I thought I’d share. I’m still hoping I can get Pete to do a joke of the week every week.
 

Joke of the Week #2: Beer Contains Female Hormones

Last month, National University of Lesotho scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women. To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects:

  1. Argued over nothing.
  2. Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
  3. Gained weight.
  4. Talked excessively without making sense.
  5. Became overly emotional.
  6. Couldn’t drive.
  7. Failed to think rationally
  8. Had to sit down while urinating.

No further testing was considered necessary.

King of Swill

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You’ve got to love Portland, one of the few cities where Budweiser is not the best-selling beer in town. On a painted wall advertisement at the corner of Third and West Burnside was the sign below, happily captured on film before it was taken down. Whether by an act of defiance or a happy accident, the new sign captured the rising spirit of dissent for people who love full-flavored beer. Reminiscent of the art of Ron English, it’s a simple piece of popaganda with a provocative message. Too funny. Of course, it’s no longer there, having been recently painted over.

“Whassup” in Hebrew

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I’ve never been a fan of the big brewer’s television commercials, but occasionally they can be funny if you set aside the long-term damage I think the ads have done to beer’s image. Many of the ads have been popular enough to enter the public conciousness. One such ad was the Budweiser “Whassup” campaign of several years ago. Stephen Beaumont sent me this hilarious parody of the whassup ad with several rabbis yelling “shalom” excitedly to one another.

UPDATE: A friend of mine objected to this parody as vulgar, rude and stereotypical, and suggested that Stephen and I were above finding the same funny. Taken aback, I did a little research into who created this mockery and it was done by David Berenbaum, a Jewish scriptwriter for Neurotrash.com (which no longer exists). TV Adland has some additional info about the spoof. Berenbaum also wrote the Will Ferell movie Elf and Disney’s The Haunted Mansion. I’m not sure my own personal Anti-Defamation League should be picking on me for laughing at it.

Pete’s Joke of the Week

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I got another funny joke from my friend Pete Slosberg which I thought I’d share. I think I’d run across a joke similar to it years ago but this one has been updated in light recent examples of corporate malfeasance. Perhaps I can get Pete to do a joke of the week every week. C’mon, Pete, what do you say?
 

Joke of the Week #1: Investment Advice

If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.

With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00.

With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.

With Lucent, you would have $3.50 left of the original $1000.00

But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND you would have had $214.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heartily and recycle.

It’s called the 401-Keg Plan.