Beer Birthday: Homer Simpson

May 12, 2022 By Jay Brooks 1 Comment

Today is the birthday of Homer J. Simpson (May 12, 1956- ). At least that’s the agreed upon date, which comes from episode 16 in Season 4, entitled “Duffless,” which originally aired February 18, 1993. In the episode, Homer loses his driver’s license when he gets a DUI and there’s a scene where his license is voided by a judge. Eagle-eyed fans were able to freeze the frame and see that his date of birth listed on the identification card was May 12, 1956.

Here’s one biography of Homer, this one from the IMDb:

Homer (b.May 12, 1956) was raised on a farm by his parents, Mona and Abraham Simpson. In the mid-1960s, while Homer was between nine and twelve years old, Mona went into hiding following a run-in with the law. Homer attended Springfield High School and fell in love with Marge Bouvier in 1974. Marge became pregnant with Bart in 1979, while Homer was working at a miniature golf course. The two were wed in a small wedding chapel across the state line, From there they spent their wedding reception alone at a truck stop, and the remainder of their wedding night at Marge’s parents’ house. After failing to get a job at the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant, Homer left Marge to find a job by which he could support his family. He briefly worked at a taco restaurant called the Gulp n’ Blow, until Marge found him and convinced him to return. As a result, Homer confronted Mr. Burns and secured a job at the Plant. Marge became pregnant with Lisa in 1981, shortly before the new couple bought their first house. In 1985 and 1986, Homer saw brief success as the lead singer and songwriter for the barbershop quartet the Be Sharps, even winning a Grammy. During his time with the group, Homer was frequently absent from home, which put stress on his marriage. After the group broke up due to creative differences, Homer went back to Springfield to continue his old life. Sometime in the late 1980s, Homer and Marge carefully budgeted so Homer could have his dream job as a pin monkey in a bowling alley. Unfortunately for Homer, Marge became pregnant with Maggie shortly after he started his new job, and not being able to support his family, he went back to the Nuclear Plant. He likes martini.

Homer’s age was initially 34, but as the writers aged, they found that he seemed a bit older too, so they changed his age to 38; this is contradicted by The Homer Book which states Homer is currently 36. Homer reunites with his mother.Homer’s personality is one of frequent stupidity, laziness, and explosive anger. He suffers from a short attention span which complements his short-lived passion for hobbies, enterprises and various causes. Homer is prone to emotional outbursts; he is very envious of his neighbors, the Flanders family, and is easily enraged by Bart and strangles him frequently. He shows no compunction about this, and does not attempt to hide his actions from people outside the family, even showing disregard for his son’s well being in other ways, such as leaving Bart alone at a port. While Homer’s thoughtless antics often upset his family, he has also performed acts that reveal him to be a surprisingly caring father and husband: in “Lisa the Beauty Queen”, selling his cherished ride on the Duff blimp and using the money to enter Lisa in a beauty pageant so she could feel better about herself; in “Rosebud”, giving up his chance at wealth to allow Maggie to keep a cherished teddy bear; in “Radio Bart”, spearheading an attempt to dig Bart out after he had fallen down a well, even though Homer generally hates doing physical labor; and in “A Milhouse Divided”, arranging a surprise second wedding with Marge to make up for their lousy first ceremony, even going so far as to hire one of The Doobie Brothers as part of the wedding band and getting a divorce from Marge, essentially making their second wedding a “real” one.

Homer frequently steals things from his neighbor, Ned Flanders, including TV trays, power tools, air conditioners, and at one point, part of his house. Flanders knows about this, but Homer constantly states that he has “borrowed” the stolen items. He has also stolen golf balls from the local driving range, cable television, office supplies (including computers) from work, and beer mugs from Moe’s Tavern. Also, while ‘working the night shift’ with the rest of the employees at a local discount store (which was just them being locked in at night and forced to stay via electrocution chip) he made off with a number of Plasma Screen TVs on a forklift, while at the same time breaking out of the store.

Homer has a vacuous mind, but he is still able to retain a great amount of knowledge about specific subjects. He shows short bursts of astonishing insight, memory, creativity and fluency with many languages. Homer is also extremely confident; no matter how little skill or knowledge he has about anything he tries to do, he has no doubt that he will be successful. However, his brief periods of intelligence are overshadowed by much longer and more consistent periods of ignorance, forgetfulness and stupidity. Homer has a low IQ due to his hereditary “Simpson Gene,” his alcohol problem, exposure to radioactive waste, repetitive cranial trauma, and a crayon lodged in the frontal lobe of his brain. Homer’s intelligence was said to jump fifty points when he had the crayon removed, bringing him to an IQ of 105, slightly above that of an average person, however he had the crayon reinserted, presumably lowering his IQ back to its original 55. The amount of Homer’s brain which still functions is also questionable. At one point in the series, Homer apparently lost 5% of his brain after a coma.

Homer’s attitudes toward women, romance, and sex are occasionally explored. While Homer’s marriage with Marge is occasionally strained, it seems generally happy and faithful. Despite this, Homer usually shows no qualms with gawking at (and drooling over) attractive women. Homer successfully avoided an affair with Mindy Simmons, but has made the occasional remark denoting his attraction to other women (including the gag about coveting his neighbor’s wife), even in front of Marge.

His relationship with his children is not the best, although he loves his children deeply. His relationship with Bart is often shown as a love-hate relationship or friendship. They sometimes appear to get on very well, however, such as on the numerous occasions they jointly commit various petty crimes or “get-rich-quick”-schemes. Homer’s relationship with Lisa is usually quite good although Lisa often tires of her father’s ignorance. His relationship with Maggie is perhaps the best, due to her infant state. However, even though Maggie has saved his life a number of times, he sometimes forgets she even exists (once telling Marge the dog does not count when she told him they had three kids).

So while Homer doesn’t brew beer, he does certainly drink a lot of it. And without him, the world may not have ever heard of Duff Beer. And even though there are a few real world examples of Duff being brewed, I don’t recommend them, at least not the ones I’ve tried. But do drink a toast to Springfield’s favorite beer drinker, Homer Simpsons. Below are a few of the times Homer’s mentioned beer throughout the show’s twenty-plus year run.

“Beer. Now there’s a temporary solution.”

— Homer Simpson, in “Homer’s Odyssey,” Season 1, Episode 3, 1990

“Ah, good ol’ trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die.”

— Homer Simpson, in “Bart Gets Hit by a Car,” Season 2, Episode 10, 1991

“Mmmm… beer.”

— Homer Simpson, “Lisa’s Pony, Season 3, Episode 8, 1991; “So It’s Come to
This: A Simpsons Clip Show,” Season 4, Episode 18, 1993; and “Whacking
Day, Season 4, Episode 20, 1993”

“I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.”

— Homer Simpson, in “Duffless,” Season 4, Episode 16, 1993

“Ah beer, my one weakness. My Achilles heel if you will.”

— Homer Simpson, in “So It’s Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show,” Season 4, Episode 18, 1993

“Alright Brain, you don’t like me, and I don’t like you. But lets just get me through this, and I can get back to killing you with beer.”

— Homer Simpson, in “The Front,” Season 4, Episode 19, 1993

“To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.”

— Homer Simpson, in “Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment,” Season 8,
Episode 18, 1997

Homer: “Will there be beer?”

Movementarian: “Beer is not allowed.”

Homer: “Homer no function beer well without.”

Movementarian: “Would you rather have beer or complete and utter contentment?”

Homer: “What kind of beer?”

— Homer Simpson, in “The Joy of Sect,” Season 9, Episode 13, 1998

“I’m glad I’m back. Because the moment that sweet, sweet beer hit my tongue, I was born again!”

— Homer Simpson, in “The Joy of Sect,” Season 9, Episode 13, 1998

“Well, this time I’m drunk on love… and beer.”

— Homer Simpson, in “Natural Born Kissers,” Season 9, Episode 25, 1998

“Expand my brain, learning juice!”

— Homer Simpson, about to drink a Duff Beer, in “See Homer Run,” Season
17, Episode 6, 2005

Therapist: “And has there been any improvement in Homer’s drinking?”

Marge: “Well, he’s down to two beers in the shower.”

Homer: “They’re pale ales … please.”

— From “Specs and the City,” Season 25, Episode 11, 2014

Craft Beer & Ale: A Parody of Dr. Seuss’ Green Eggs & Ham

March 2, 2022 By Jay Brooks 28 Comments

Today, of course, is the birthday of Theodore Geisel, a.k.a. Dr. Seuss. Around ten years ago my kids were on a Dr. Seuss kick and we read quite a few of his books multiple times, with Green Eggs & Ham emerging as the family favorite. I was playing around with the words one night, as I often do, and decided to see if I could come up with a beer-themed parody of the book. I originally posted the results ten years ago, and here they are once again; Craft Beer & Ale, by Dr. J. Enjoy!

CRAFT BEER & ALE

Sam I am

I am Sam

Sam I am

That Sam’s upscale.
That Sam regales.
I do not like that Sam wholesale!

Do you drink
craft beer & ale?

I do not drink them, Sam, they’re stale.
I do not drink
craft beer & ale.

Would you drink them
weak or strong?

I would not drink them
weak or strong.
I would not drink them, it is wrong.

I do not drink
craft beer & ale.
I do not drink them, Sam, curtail.

Would you drink them with more hops?
Would you drink them chased with schnapps?

I do not drink them
with more hops.
I do not drink them
chased with schnapps.
I do not drink them
weak or strong.
I do not drink them
all night long.
I do not drink
craft beer & ale.
I do not drink them,
Sam, you’re off the trail.

Would you drink them
in a pub?
Would you drink them
at a club?

Not in a pub.
Not at a club.
Not with more hops.
Not chased with schnapps.
I would not drink them
weak or strong.
I would not drink them, it is wrong.
I would not drink craft beer & ale.
I do not drink them, Sam — no sale.

Would you? Could you? In a bar?
Drink them! Drink them! Here they are.

I would not, could not, in a bar.

You may like them. You will see.
You may like them with some cheese!

I would not, could not with some cheese.
Not in a bar! You let me be.

I do not like them in a pub.
I do not like them at a club.
I do not like them with more hops.
I do not like them chased with schnapps.
I do not like them weak or strong.
I do not like them all night long.
I do not like craft beer & ale.
I do not like them, Sam, you’re beyond the pale.

A stein! A stein!
A stein! A stein!
Could you, would you,
in a stein?

Not in a stein! Not in a stein!
Not with some cheese! Sam! Let me be!

I would not, could not, in a pub.
I could not, would not, at a club.
I will not drink them with more hops.
I will not drink them chased with schnapps.
I will not drink them weak or strong.
I will not drink them, it is wrong.
I do not like craft beer & ale.
I do not like them, Sam, you’ve gone off the rail.

Say! In a glass?
Here in a glass!
Would you, could you,
in a glass?

I would not, could not, in a glass.

Would you, could you, while you dine?

I would not, could not, while I dine.
Not in a glass. Not in a stein.
Not in a bar. Not with some cheese.
I do not drink them, Sam, you see.
Not with more hops. Not in a pub.
Not chased with schnapps. Not in a club.
I will not drink them weak or strong.
I will not drink them all night long.

You do not drink
craft beer & ale?

I do not drink them,
Sam, you make me wail.

Could you, would you,
drink with Charlie?

I would not, could not,
drink with Charlie.

Would you, could you,
with more barley?

I could not, would not,
with more barley,
I will not, will not,
drink with Charlie.

I will not drink them while I dine.
I will not drink them in a stein.
Not in a glass! Not with some cheese.
Not in a bar! You let me be!
I do not drink them in a pub.
I do not drink them at a club.
I do not drink them with more hops.
I do not drink them chased with schnapps.
I do not drink them weak or strong.
I do not drink them IT IS WRONG!

I do not drink craft beer & ale!
I do not drink them, Sam — you fail.

You do not drink them. So you say.
Try them! Try them! And you may.
Try them and you may, I say.

Sam! If you will let me be,
I will try them. You will see.

Say! I like craft beer & ale!
I do! I like them, Sam, you prevail!
And I would drink them with more barley.
And I would drink with homebrew Charlie…

And I will drink them while I dine.
And in a glass. And in a stein.
And in a bar. And with some cheese.
They are so good, so good, you see!

So I will drink them in a pub.
And I will drink them at a club.
And I will drink them with more hops.
And I will drink them chased with schnapps.
And I will drink them weak or strong.
Say! I will drink them ALL NIGHT LONG!

I do so love
craft beer at home!
Thank you!
Thank you, Sam-Cala-Gione!

All artwork by Rob Davis. Thanks, Rob! All words after Theodore Seuss Geisel by Dr. J. If you’re so inclined, you can also see the original text side by side with my parody at Craft Beer & Ale Compared.

Beer Birthday: Bob Uecker

January 26, 2022 By Jay Brooks 1 Comment

Today is the 88th birthday of Bob Uecker, who is an “American former Major League Baseball player and current sportscaster, comedian, and actor. Facetiously dubbed ‘Mr. Baseball’ by TV talk show host Johnny Carson, Uecker has served as a play-by-play announcer for Milwaukee Brewers radio broadcasts since 1971. He was honored by the National Baseball Hall of Fame with its 2003 Ford C. Frick Award in recognition of his broadcasting career.” But he is best-remembered, beerwise, for his humorous commercials in the 1980s for Miller Lite beer.

This is his biography, from his Wikipedia page:

Though he has sometimes joked that he was born on an oleo run to Illinois, Uecker was born and raised in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. He grew up watching the minor-league Milwaukee Brewers at Borchert Field. He signed a professional contract with his hometown Milwaukee Braves in 1956 and made his Major League Baseball debut as a catcher with the club in 1962. A below-average hitter, he finished with a career batting average of .200. He was generally considered to be a sound defensive player and committed very few errors in his Major League career as a catcher, completing his career with a fielding percentage of .981. However, in 1967, despite playing only 59 games, he led the league in passed balls and is still on the top 10 list for most passed balls in a season. At least a partial explanation is that he spent a good deal of the season catching knuckleballer Phil Niekro. He often joked that the best way to catch a knuckleball was to wait until it stopped rolling and pick it up. Uecker also played for the St. Louis Cardinals (and was a member of the 1964 World Champion club) and Philadelphia Phillies before returning to the Braves, who had by then moved to Atlanta. His six-year Major League career concluded in 1967.

Perhaps the biggest highlight of Uecker’s career was when he hit a home run off future Hall of Famer Sandy Koufax, after which Uecker joked that he always thought that home run would keep Koufax from getting into the Hall of Fame.

After retiring as a player, Uecker returned to Milwaukee. In 1971, he began calling play-by-play for the Milwaukee Brewers’ radio broadcasts, a position he holds to this day. During his tenure, he has mentored Pat Hughes, Jim Powell, Cory Provus and Joe Block, all of whom became primary radio announcers for other MLB teams. For several years he also served as a color commentator for network television broadcasts of Major League Baseball, helping call games for ABC in the 1970s and NBC (teaming with Bob Costas and Joe Morgan) in the 1990s. During that time, he was a commentator for several League Championship Series and World Series.

As of 2016, Uecker teams with Jeff Levering to call games on WTMJ in Milwaukee and the Brewers Radio Network throughout Wisconsin, save for some road trips which he skips; for those games Lane Grindle substitutes for Uecker on the radio broadcasts. Uecker is well known for saying his catchphrase “Get up! Get up! Get outta here! Gone!” when a Brewers player hits a home run.

Known for his humor, particularly about his undistinguished playing career, Uecker actually became much better known after he retired from playing. He made some 100 guest appearances on Johnny Carson’s Tonight Show. During one Tonight Show appearance Carson asked him what the biggest thrill of his professional baseball career was and with his typical dry wit Uecker replied, “Watching a fan fall out of the upper deck in Philadelphia; the crowd booed.” Most of his wisecracks poked fun at himself. He once joked that after he hit a grand slam off pitcher Ron Herbel, “When his manager came out to get him, he was bringing Herbel’s suitcase.” On another occasion, he quipped, “Sporting goods companies would pay me not to endorse their products.” On his later acting career, he commented, “Even when I played baseball, I was acting.”

Uecker also appeared in a number of humorous commercials, most notably for Miller Lite beer, as one of the “Miller Lite All-Stars”

Here’s a selection of some of Uecker’s commercials for Miller Lite:

From 1983:

From 1984:

From 1986:

From 1987:

From 1988:

Another one from 1988, promoting the Olympics:

Beer Birthday: George Wendt

October 17, 2021 By Jay Brooks Leave a Comment

Today is the 73rd birthday of George Wendt, who “is an American actor and comedian, best known for the role of Norm Peterson on the television show Cheers. He’s originally from Chicago and was an alumnus of The Second City in the mid-1970s. He began acting on television and movies, mostly in small roles, before landing the role of Norm Peterson in Cheers. “From 1982 to 1993, Wendt appeared as Norm Peterson in all 275 episodes of Cheers. For his work on Cheers, Wendt earned six Primetime Emmy Award nominations for Best Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series.” Years later he wrote, with some help, Drinking with George: A Barstool Professional’s Guide to Beer, a quasi-memior, beer book and biography of his character.

Wendt with GABF director Nancy Johnson and then-Denver mayor John Hickenlooper at the 2009 GABF.

One of my favorite running gags in Cheers was the “Normisms” and I’ve been collecting them off and on for some time now. By no means complete, here are the ones I’ve uncovered, with the season and/or episode it’s from, if known.

Cheers to Norm(isms)

The NBC sitcom “Cheers” was one of the most popular shows on television, and ran for eleven seasons from 1982 until 1993. Set in a Boston bar, it was replete with beer and drinking references, most notably a running gag between the bartenders and one of their regulars, Norm Peterson, played by George Wendt. In many of the episodes, as Norm would first enter the bar each evening, everyone would yell Norm! and whoever was behind the bar would greet him, setting him up for a memorable comeback line. These became known as Normisms and they seem to have started in the first season, possibly episode 10. Over 275 episodes, at least 100 Normisms were delivered.

Season 1 (1982-83)

Endless Slumper [1.10]
Coach: What’s the story, Norm?
Norm: A thirsty guy walks into a bar. You finish it.

Let Me Count the Ways [1.14]
Coach: What’s going on, Norm?
Norm: Science is seeking a cure for thirst and I happen to be the guinea pig.

Diane’s Perfect Date [1.17]
Coach: Beer, Norm?
Norm: That’s that sudzy amber stuff, right? Been hearing good things about it.

No Contest [1.18]
Coach: What can I do for you, Norm?
Norm: I am going to need something to kill time before my second beer. How about a first one?

Someone Single, Someone Blue [1.20]
Coach: What’ll it be Norm?
Norm: Fame, fortune, fast women.
Coach: How about a beer?
Norm: Even better.

Season 2 (1983-84)

Personal Business [2.3]
Coach: Would you like a beer, Norm?
Norm: I’d like to see something in a size 54 sudzy.
____________________
Coach: Can I draw you a beer, Norm?
Norm: No, I know what they look like. Just pour me one.

No Help Wanted [2.14]
Coach: How about a beer, Norm?
Norm: Hey I’m high on life, Coach. Of course, beer is my life.

Fortune and Men’s Weight [2.17]
Coach: What’s your most troublesome problem, Norm?
Norm: Well that’s tough to say, Coach. Let’s see I’m overweight, unemployed, separated, depressed, starting to drink too much. My problem is I’ve never been happier.

Snow Job [2.18]
Coach: Beer, Normy?
Norm: Coach, I don’t know. I’ll have one next week… what the heck I’m young.
____________________
Coach: How’s a beer sound, Norm?
Norm: I dunno. I usually finish them before they get a word in.
____________________
Coach: What’s up, Norm?
Norm: Corners of my mouth, Coach.
____________________
Coach: What’s shaking, Norm?
Norm: All four cheeks and a couple of chins, Coach.
____________________
Coach: Beer, Normie?
Norm: Uh, Coach, I dunno, I had one this week. Eh, why not, I’m still young.
____________________
[Norm comes in with an attractive woman.]
Coach: Normie, Normie, could this be Vera?
Norm: With a lot of expensive surgery, maybe.
____________________
Coach: What can I do for you, Norm?
Norm: Well, I am going to need something to kill time before my second beer. Uh, how about a first one?
____________________
Coach: Beer, Norm?
Norm: Naah, I’d probably just drink it.
____________________
Coach: What’s up, Normie?
Norm: The temperature under my collar, Coach.

Season 3 (1984-85)

Rebound – Part 1 [3.1]
Coach: What will it be, Normy?
Norm: A transfusion with a head on it.

Diane Meets Mom [3.8]
Coach: What would you say to a nice beer, Normie?
Norm: Going down?
____________________
[Norm returns from the hospital.]
Coach: What’s up, Norm?
Norm: Everything that’s supposed to be.
____________________
[Norm comes in, depressed. He just stands by the door with a sullen face.]
Norm: [mutters] Afternoon, everybody.
All: Norm? (Norman?)
____________________
Sam: What’s new, Normie?
Norm: Terrorists, Sam. They’ve taken over my stomach.
They’re demanding beer.
____________________
Coach: What’ll it be, Normie?
Norm: Just the usual, Coach. I’ll have a froth of beer and a snorkel.
____________________
Coach: What would you say to a beer, Normie?
Norm: Daddy wuvs you.
____________________
Sam: What’d you like, Normie?
Norm: A reason to live. Gimme another beer.
____________________
Norm: Afternoon, everybody.
All: Norm!
Cliff: Afternoon, everybody.
All: [silence]

The Executive’s Executioner [3.21]
Sam: What will you have, Norm?
Norm: Well, I’m in a gambling mood, Sammy. I’ll take a glass of whatever
comes out of that tap.
Sam: Oh, looks like beer, Norm.
Norm: Call me Mister Lucky.
____________________
Coach: How’s it going, Norm?
Norm: Daddy’s rich and Momma’s good lookin’.
____________________
Coach: What’s doing, Norm?
Norm: Well, science is seeking a cure for thirst. I happen to be the guinea pig.
____________________
Coach: How’s life, Norm?
Norm: Not for the squeamish, Coach
____________________
Coach: Beer, Norm?
Norm: I heard of that stuff. Better give me a tall one in case I like it.
____________________
Coach: Beer, Norm?
Norm: Does a rag doll have cloth knobs?
____________________
Coach: How are you doing, Norm?
Norm: Cut the small talk and get me a beer.
____________________
Coach: What’s going down, Normie?
Norm: My butt cheeks on that bar stool.

Season 4 (1985-86)

Birth, Death, Love and Rice [4.1]
Sam: What do you say, Norm?
Norm: Any cheap, tawdry thing that’ll get me a beer.
____________________
Sam: What do you say to a beer, Normie?
Norm: Hi ya, sailor. New in town?
____________________
Norm: [coming in from the rain] Evening, everybody.
All: Norm! (Norman!)
Sam: Still pouring, Norm?
Norm: That’s funny, I was about to ask you the same thing.
____________________
Sam: What’s the good word, Norm?
Norm: Plop, plop, fizz, fizz.
Sam: Oh no, not the Hungry Heifer…
Norm: Yeah, yeah, yeah…
Sam: One heartburn cocktail coming up.
____________________
Sam: Whaddya say, Norm?
Norm: Well, I never met a beer I didn’t drink. And down it goes.
____________________
Woody: What’s your pleasure, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Boxer shorts and loose shoes. But I’ll settle for a beer.
____________________
Woody: What can I do for you, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Elope with my wife.
____________________
[Norm is angry.]
Woody: What can I get you, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Clifford Clavin’s head.
____________________
Woody: How’s life, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Oh, I’m waiting for the movie.

The Peterson Principle [4.18]
Sam: Hey, what’s happening, Norm?
Norm: Well, it’s a dog-eat-dog world, and I’m wearing Milk-Bone underwear.

Strange Bedfellows: Part 2 [4.25]
Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, can I pour you a beer?
Norm: Okay Woody, but be sure to stop me at 1. Ah, make that 1:30.

Strange Bedfellows: Part 3 [4.26]
Woody: How you feeling today, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Pour.
Woody: I’m so sorry to hear that.
Norm: [pointing to the beer tap] No, I meant pour.

Wendt with John Ratzenberger on the set of Cheers.

Season 5 (1986-87)

Knights of the Scimitar [5.8]
Woody: What’s the latest, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Zsa Zsa marries a millionaire. Peterson drinks a beer. Film at 11.
____________________
Paul: Hey Norm, how’s the world been treating you?
Norm: Like a baby treats a diaper.
____________________
Norm: Hey, everybody.
All: [silence; everybody is mad at Norm for being rich]
Norm: [carries on both sides of the conversation himself]
Norm! (Norman.)
How are you feeling today, Mr. Peterson?
Rich and thirsty. Pour me a beer.

Season 6 (1987-88)

Norm: Hey, everybody.
Woody: Norm! [nobody else in the bar says anything]
Norm: That’s it, I’m leaving.
____________________
Norm: [comes in, pretending to be Joe Average customer, as part of operation Wayne Down the Dwain]
Customer: Norm!
Norm: [quietly] Not now!
____________________
Woody: Would you like a beer, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: No, I’d like a dead cat in a glass.

A Kiss Is Still a Kiss [6.10]
Sam: How’s life treating you?
Norm: It’s not, Sammy, but that doesn’t mean you can’t.

Let Sleeping Drakes Lie [6.18]
Woody: Can I pour you a draft, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: A little early, isn’t it Woody?
Woody: For a beer?
Norm: No, for stupid questions.
____________________
Woody: What’s the story, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: The Bobbsey twins go to the brewery. Let’s cut to the happy ending.

Season 7 (1988-89)

One Happy Chappy in a Snappy Serape [7.4]
Norm: I hate to change the subject but I don’t know if anyone recognizes, we seem to have a little problem here.
Woody: Oh you need another beer, Mr. Peterson.
Norm: Okay we have two problems here.
____________________
Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, there’s a cold one waiting for you.
Norm: I know, and if she calls, I’m not here.
____________________
Sam: Beer, Norm?
Norm: Have I gotten that predictable? Good.

Call Me, Irresponsible [7.20]
Woody: What’s going on, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: A flashing sign in my gut that says, Insert beer here.

Season 8 (1989-90)

Sam: What can I get you, Norm?
Norm: [scratching his beard] Got any flea powder?
Ah, just kidding. Gimme a beer; I think I’ll just drown the little suckers.
____________________
Feeble Attraction [8.11]
Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, Jack Frost nipping at your nose?
Norm: Yep, now let’s get Joe Beer nipping at my liver, huh?

Bar Wars III: The Return of Tecumseh [8.21]
Sam: What are you up to Norm?
Norm: My ideal weight if I were eleven feet tall.

Loverboyd [8.22]
Woody: Nice cold beer coming up, Mr. Peterson.
Norm: You mean, Nice cold beer going down Mr. Peterson.
____________________
Sam: What do you know there, Norm?
Norm: How to sit. How to drink. Want to quiz me?

Season 9 (1990-91)

Grease [9.6]
Woody: How would a beer feel, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Pretty nervous if I was in the room.
____________________
Sam: What can I do for you, Norm?
Norm: Open up those beer taps and, oh, take the day off, Sam.
____________________
Woody: What’s going on, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Another layer for the winter, Wood.
____________________
Sam: How’s life treating you, Norm?
Norm: Like it caught me sleeping with its’ wife.
____________________
[Gang yells Norm!]
Norm: Women. Can’t live with ’em, pass the beer nuts.

Season 10 (1991-92)

Where Have All the Floorboards Gone? [10.8]
Sam: Hey what’s going on, Normie?
Norm: It’s my birthday Sammy. Give me a beer, stick a candle in it, and I’ll blow out my liver.
____________________
Woody: How’s it going, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Poor.
Woody: I’m sorry to hear that.
Norm: No, I mean pour.
____________________
Sam: How’s life in the fast lane?
Norm: Dunno, can’t get on the on-ramp.
____________________
Woody: Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson.
Norm: Alright, but stop me at one…. make that one-thirty.

Season 11 (1992-93)

Sam: What’s the story, Norm?
Norm: Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy meets another beer.
____________________
Sam: How about a beer, Norm?
Norm: That’s that amber sudsy stuff, right? I’ve heard good things about it!
____________________
Woody: What’s going on, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: The question is what’s going in Mr. Peterson? A beer please, Woody.
____________________
Sam: What’s up, Normie?
Norm: My nipples, it’s freezing out there.

From Unknown Seasons

Woody: How would a beer feel, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Pretty nervous if I was in the room.
____________________
Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, what’s up?
Norm: The warranty on my liver.
____________________
Sam: Well, look at you. You look like the cat the swallowed the canary.
Norm: And I need a beer to wash him down.
____________________
Sam: What’ll you have, Norm?
Norm: Fame, fortune, and fast women.
Sam: How ’bout a beer?
Norm: Even better.
____________________
Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, you got room for a beer?
Norm: Nope, but I am willing to add on.
____________________
Sam: Little early in the day for a beer, isn’t it Norm?
Norm: So float a corn flake in it.
____________________
Sam: What’s going on, Normie?
Norm: My birthday, Sammy. Give me a beer, stick a candle in it, and I’ll blow out my liver.
____________________
Woody: How’s it hanging, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Better when my butt is hanging off this bar stool with a beer in my hand.
____________________
Woody: What’s the latest, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Zha-Zha marries a millionaire, Peterson drinks a beer. Film at eleven.
____________________
Sam: Hey, how’s life treating you there, Norm?
Norm: Beats me. … Then it kicks me and leaves me for dead.
____________________
Sam: What’s up Norm?
Norm: God’s in His Heaven, [pause] something, something, something.
____________________
Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, what do you say to a cold one?
Norm: See you later, Vera, I’ll be at Cheers.
____________________
Woody: How are you today, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Never been better, Woody. … Just once I’d like to be better.
____________________
Woody: How’s it hanging Norm?
Norm: Oh, little to the left.
____________________
Sam: What’s new, Norm?
Norm: Most of my wife.
____________________
Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, how’s life?
Norm: Well, the plot’s okay, Woody, but it kind of falls apart at the end.
____________________
Woody: Hey, Mr. P. How goes the search for Mr. Clavin?
Norm: Not as well as the search for Mr. Donut. Found him every couple of blocks.
____________________
Woody: How are you Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Yeah…as if you care.
____________________
Woody: What’s shaking Mr. Peterson?
Norm: What isn’t?
____________________
Sam: How’s life Norm?
Norm: Ask a man who’s got one.
____________________
Sam: How’s the world treating you, Norm?
Norm: Like I just ran over its dog.
____________________
Sam: How are you today, Norm?
Norm: I’m on top of the world…It’s a dismal spot in Greenland.
____________________
Elderly Sam: What’s up, Norm?
Elderly Norm: Me, about thirty times a night.

Beer In Ads #3831: Think Fresh

August 28, 2021 By Jay Brooks Leave a Comment

Saturday’s ad is for “Rainier Beer,” from 1974. This ad was made for the Seattle Brewing & Malting Co., who made Rainier Beer, and was later known as the Rainier Brewing Company of Seattle, Washington. This one features a man with a mountaintop for a head and the tagline “Think Fresh.” It’s a weird one, to be sure, and it made me think of Frank Zappa’s song “Billy the Mountain.” But no sign of Ethel.

Beer In Ads #3825: Very Few Women Are Allowed To Drink It

August 22, 2021 By Jay Brooks Leave a Comment

Sunday’s ad is for “Rainier Beer,” from 1963. This ad was made for the Seattle Brewing & Malting Co., who made Rainier Beer, and was later known as the Rainier Brewing Company of Seattle, Washington. This one I have to assume is meant to be tongue-in-cheek given the full text of the ad. Although it does seem a little tone deaf by today’s standards, in 1963 it could have been serious or meant to be funny, it’s hard to tell. With statements like it “is man’s traditional right to quaff Our Product,” you have to wonder. But then they quip about southpaw banjo players being rare and that “Rainier Ale is neither light nor dry; it is dark, powerfully wet, and always has been. A blazer of a record.” And now we’re right back to being absurd. I wonder if many people took them up on the offer of getting a copy of the ad “suitable for framing.”

Beer In Ads #3720: A Coors Man Is A Sexy Man!

May 8, 2021 By Jay Brooks Leave a Comment

Saturday’s ad is for “Coors Beer,” from the 1970s, maybe. I’m not entirely sure it’s legitimate and not a parody or spoof. This ad was (probably) made for the Coors Brewing Co., who did not do as much advertising as their competitors. In part, this was because they were not sold nationwide until the 1980s. This one screams “Anchorman” and spoof ad, but it’s too funny and delicious to ignore. Don’t you miss leisure suits? I wonder why they haven’t made a comeback?

The Shooting Of Dan McGoo

April 14, 2021 By Jay Brooks Leave a Comment

Tex Avery (February 26, 1908–August 26, 1980) is simply one of the best animators of all time, and that’s not hyperbole. He’s also a personal favorite. He was “known for producing and directing animated cartoons during the golden age of American animation. His most significant work was for the Warner Bros. and Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer studios, where he was crucial in the creation and evolution of famous animated characters such as Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Porky Pig, Elmer Fudd, Droopy, Screwy Squirrel, George and Junior, and Chilly Willy.”

Here’s how one critic described Avery’s innovative approach:

Above all, [Avery] steered the Warner Bros. house style away from Disney-esque sentimentality and made cartoons that appealed equally to adults, who appreciated Avery’s speed, sarcasm, and irony, and to kids, who liked the nonstop action. Disney’s “cute and cuddly” creatures, under Avery’s guidance, were transformed into unflappable wits like Bugs Bunny, endearing buffoons like Porky Pig, or dazzling crazies like Daffy Duck. Even the classic fairy tale, a market that Disney had cornered, was appropriated by Avery, who made innocent heroines like Red Riding Hood into sexy jazz babes, more than a match for any Wolf. Avery also endeared himself to intellectuals by constantly breaking through the artifice of the cartoon, having characters leap out of the end credits, loudly object to the plot of the cartoon they were starring in, or speak directly to the audience.

One of his best known cartoons was called “The Shooting of Dan McGoo,” which debuted today, April 14, 1945, at least according to the iMDb (some sources give different dates).

The plot, such as it is, spoofs Robert W. Service‘s poem, The Shooting of Dan McGrew, “complete with a literal depiction of a man with one foot in the grave. But when Dan McGoo turns out to be Droopy, it turns into a Droopy-versus-the Wolf/Wolf-goes-ape-for-the-girl gagfest.” But the story takes place in a small Alaska bar, and there are a lot of great beer and booze references throughout the animated film.

From the outskirts of town, the camera pans into the entrance of the Malamute Saloon, where at the entrance they advertise “Beer.”

Then the shot moves to the right to reveal another, smaller door for “Short Beers.”

Inside, the pianist was doing his part, surrounded by mugs of beer and discarded or broken bottles and glassware.

After we’re introduced to Dan McGoo, who in reality is Droopy, we then meet his paramour, Lou, and afterwards it cuts to the bar where the wolves bellied to the bar all give a wolf call.

Someone yells for a beer, and the bartender fills up a mug behind the bar, then flings it down the bar to whoever ordered it, taking a hilarious route along the bar.

Wait, cocktail pedestrian using the crosswalk.

Requisite beer “on the house” gag as they scramble to the roof.

Then one of Avery’s most famous cartoon characters, Lou, takes the stage and all hell breaks loose.

Eventually beer makes a final appearance about a minuted before the ending.

But go ahead and watch it all unfold:

13 – The Shooting of Dan McGoo from dadada on Vimeo.

Robert Frost’s Beer Bath

March 26, 2021 By Jay Brooks Leave a Comment

Here’s a fun story. Today is the birthday of American poet Robert Frost. “His work was initially published in England before it was published in the United States. Known for his realistic depictions of rural life and his command of American colloquial speech, Frost frequently wrote about settings from rural life in New England in the early 20th century, using them to examine complex social and philosophical themes. Frost was honored frequently during his lifetime and is the only poet to receive four Pulitzer Prizes for Poetry. He became one of America’s rare ‘public literary figures, almost an artistic institution.’ He was awarded the Congressional Gold Medal in 1960 for his poetic works.”

Publisher and author Bill Peschel related a story from 1935 that involved some beer that found its way to Frost.

Robert Frost was an irascible poet, jealous of rivals, and called by at least one friend as Yahweh. Any slight, real or perceived, was paid back, with interest.
Such as the case in Santa Fe, N.M., where Frost had been invited to speak at the city’s New Mexico Museum. At the event the day before, local poet Witter Bynner had been scheduled to introduce the poet, but had showed up late. While there may have been a good reason for his tardiness, it may also have been an intentional slight over Frost’s greater success with the public.
So Frost was deliberately late the next day at a lunch held in his honor at Bynner’s house. Then, they clashed over a book of poetry that praised homosexuality. While Frost found the subject distasteful, he went along with Bynner’s praise, even saying that he had a favorite poem. Could he read it aloud?
Bynner passed the book to him. Frost read one of the more erotically charged passages, then teased Bynner, saying he was “too young and innocent to understand such verse.” Bynner responded angrily by pouring a mug of beer over Frost’s head.
Frost got the explosion he wanted, so he took the bath in good humor. As a friend later remarked, “Robert took great pleasure in setting the cat among the pigeons.”

Beer In Ads #3666: Rodney Dangerfield For Miller Lite

March 13, 2021 By Jay Brooks Leave a Comment

Saturday’s ad is for “Miller Lite,” from 1978. This ad was made for the Miller Brewing Co., and was part of their long-running “Tastes Great!…Less Filling!” advertising campaign. It was created in 1973 by the McCann-Erickson Worldwide ad agency and was ranked by Advertising Age magazine as the eighth best advertising campaign in history. They were primarily television commercials but they did create print ads to support the TV spots. They began with a trend of using former athletes along with a few notable celebrities that continued throughout the campaign. This one features American stand-up comedian, actor, producer, screenwriter, musician and author Rodney Dangerfield.