Archives for January 2020

Today is the birthday of W.C. Fields (January 29, 1880–December 25, 1946). His full name was William Claude Dukenfield. He “was an American comedian, actor, juggler and writer. Fields’ comic persona was a misanthropic and hard-drinking egotist, who remained a sympathetic character despite his snarling contempt for dogs and children.

His career in show business began in vaudeville, where he attained international success as a silent juggler. He gradually incorporated comedy into his act, and was a featured comedian in the Ziegfeld Follies for several years. He became a star in the Broadway musical comedy Poppy (1923), in which he played a colorful small-time con man. His subsequent stage and film roles were often similar scoundrels, or else henpecked everyman characters.

Among his recognizable trademarks were his raspy drawl and grandiloquent vocabulary. The characterization he portrayed in films and on radio was so strong it was generally identified with Fields himself. It was maintained by the publicity departments at Fields’ studios (Paramount and Universal) and was further established by Robert Lewis Taylor’s biography, W.C. Fields, His Follies and Fortunes (1949). Beginning in 1973, with the publication of Fields’ letters, photos, and personal notes in grandson Ronald Fields’ book W.C. Fields by Himself, it was shown that Fields was married (and subsequently estranged from his wife), and financially supported their son and loved his grandchildren.”

Known as “The Great One,” William Claude Dukenfield was better known to the world by his stage name, W.C. Fields. Born in Darby, Pennsylvania, on January 29, 1880, Fields created a hard-drinking, sarcastic, egocentric persona that was so convincing he became one of the most famous drunk misanthropes who ever lived. He famously said that a man should “never work with animals or children,” and carefully cultivated the perception of a curmudgeon, but in real life he was a devoted father and grandfather.

His entertainment career began in vaudeville, where he made a name for himself as a juggler and comedian, and later took the act on Broadway, before making his first short films in 1915. He eventually made around 45 films, the most of famous of which were “Tillie’s Punctured Romance,” “The Fatal Glass of Beer,” “My Little Chickadee,” “The Bank Dick” and “Never Give a Sucker an Even Break.” Most of his most memorable quotes come from his films, though they’ve become entwined with his public persona, making it difficult to separate his roles from the man.

Fields with Mae West.

Fields’ screen character often expressed a fondness for alcohol, a prominent component of the Fields legend. Fields never drank in his early career as a juggler, because he did not want to impair his functions while performing. Eventually, the loneliness of constant travel prompted him to keep liquor in his dressing room as an inducement for fellow performers to socialize with him on the road. Only after he became a Follies star and abandoned juggling did Fields begin drinking regularly.[59] His role in Paramount Pictures’ International House (1933), as an aviator with an unquenchable taste for beer, did much to establish Fields’ popular reputation as a prodigious drinker. Studio publicists promoted this image, as did Fields himself in press interviews.

Fields expressed his fondness for alcohol to Gloria Jean (playing his niece) in Never Give a Sucker an Even Break: “I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I am indebted to her for.” Equally memorable was a line in the 1940 film My Little Chickadee: “Once, on a trek through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew…and were forced to live on food and water for several days!” The oft-repeated anecdote that Fields refused to drink water “because fish fuck in it” is unsubstantiated.

On movie sets Fields famously shot most of his scenes in varying states of inebriation. During the filming of Tales of Manhattan (1942), he kept a vacuum flask with him at all times and frequently availed himself of its contents. Phil Silvers, who had a minor supporting role in the scene featuring Fields, described in his memoir what happened next:

One day the producers appeared on the set to plead with Fields: “Please don’t drink while we’re shooting — we’re way behind schedule” … Fields merely raised an eyebrow. “Gentlemen, this is only lemonade. For a little acid condition afflicting me.” He leaned on me. “Would you be kind enough to taste this, sir?” I took a careful sip — pure gin. I have always been a friend of the drinking man; I respect him for his courage to withdraw from the world of the thinking man. I answered the producers a little scornfully, “It’s lemonade.” My reward? The scene was snipped out of the picture.

There’s no doubt that regardless of how much Fields drank, he certainly created a reputation and persona around it. And while he seems to have favored whiskey, gin and other spirits, he did love his beer, too. Below are some quotes I’ve collected by Fields, the first group being quotes he said, or were attributed to him, while the second group are quotes from films he appeared in, and thus easier to verify.

Personal Quotes

• “I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.”
• “Everybody has to believe in something … I believe I’ll have another beer.”
• “If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.”
• “I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.”
• “I drink therefore I am.”
• “There are only two real ways to get ahead today — sell liquor or drink it.”
• “I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.”
• “I must have a drink of breakfast.”
• “I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.”
• “It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.”
• “A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.”
• “Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.”
• “Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.”
• “Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.”
• “Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.”
• “I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.”
• “What contemptible scoundrel stole the cork from my lunch?”
• “I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.” [Note: Tug McGraw has a similar quote attributed to him.]

Film Quotes

• Ouliotta Delight Hemogloben: “Do you think he drinks?”

  Mrs. Hemogloben: “He didn’t get that nose from playing ping-pong.”

  — From “Never Give a Sucker an Even Break,” 1941

• Receptionist: “Some day you’ll drown in a vat of whiskey!”

  The Great Man: “Drown in a vat of whiskey. Death, where is thy sting?”

  — From “Never Give a Sucker an Even Break,” 1941

• The Great Man: [Suffering from a hangover] “Somebody put too many olives in my martini last night!”

  Stewardess: “Should I get you a Bromo?”

  The Great Man: “No, I couldn’t stand the noise!”

  — From “Never Give a Sucker an Even Break,” 1941

• Egbert Sousé: “Ten cents a share. Telephone sold for five cents a share. How would you like something better for ten cents a share? If five gets ya ten, ten’ll get ya twenty. A beautiful home in the country, upstairs and down. Beer flowing through the estate over your grandmother’s paisley shawl.”

  Og Oggilby: “Beer?”

  Egbert Sousé: “Beer! Fishing in the stream that runs under the aboreal dell. A man comes up from the bar, dumps $3,500 in your lap for every nickel invested. Says to you, “Sign here on the dotted line.” And then disappears in the waving fields of alfalfa.”

  — From “The Bank Dick,” 1940

• Egbert Sousé, to his bartender: “Was I in here last night, and did I spend a twenty dollar bill?”

  Bartender: “Yeah.”

  Egbert Sousé: “Oh, boy. What a load that is off my mind. I thought I’d lost it.”

  — From “The Bank Dick,” 1940

• Cuthbert J. Twillie: “During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. Compelled to live on food and water … for several days.”

  — From “My Little Chickadee,” 1940

• Cuthbert J. Twillie, nursing a hangover: “I feel as though a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night.”

  — From “My Little Chickadee,” 1940

• Whipsnade: “Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.”

  — from “You Can’t Cheat An Honest Man,” 1939

• S.B. Bellows: “Meet me down in the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together.”

  — From “The Big Broadcast of 1938,” 1938

• Businessman: “You’re drunk.”

  Harold: “Yeah, and you’re crazy. But I’ll be sober tomorrow, and you’ll be crazy for the rest of your life.”

  — From “It’s a Gift,” 1934

• Quail, to a valet: “Hey, garcon. Bring me a drink.”

  Valet: “Water, sir?”

  Quail: “A little on the side…very little.”

  — From “International House,” 1933

W.C. Fields in “International House.”