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Jay R. Brooks on Beer

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48 Million Still Drunk

May 17, 2009 By Jay Brooks

Back in March, I mentioned a statistic I ran across in Maxim magazine, that 46,948,952 people in the world are drunk at any given time. That was the specific number given in the factoid, which I figured was approximately 0.68% of the population of the world. The current Playboy magazine for June 2009 has the same statistic listed on it’s “Raw Data” page, but expressed as “An estimated 0.7% of the world’s population is drunk at any given time.” There’s still no citation for the source of the factoid, but using the current world population, which as I write this is 6,910,026,951, that works out to 48,370,189 drunk souls. That makes it fairly consistent with the previous figure, so the two probably share the same source, if only they’d be so kind as to actually include it. I’d really like to know how they arrived at that figure, the criteria used, etc. You can find this statistic all over trivia sites, but no one cites its origin. Still, it’s an interesting tidbit.

 

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Uncategorized

World’s Worst Beers

May 16, 2009 By Jay Brooks

worst
Well, at least according to Rate Beer these are the world’s fifty worst beers as rated by their members. Here’s the introduction to RateBeer’s list:

Below is a list of worst beers in the world as rated by the thousands of beer enthusiasts at RateBeer.com. Dare to try them? We don’t advise it. We provide this list in the name of beer education. We aren’t picking on the fat kid as much as we’re making a few big brewers accountable for their products that are more about beer hype and marketing than substance.

So one has to assume that by worst they mean ones that people generally don’t like drinking, worst in the sense of their popularity among beer geeks, worst in the sense of having very little flavor or worst in the sense of being made by very large companies with bad reputations among the fans of small breweries and specifically not in the sense that they aren’t well made. Because like it or not, most of the beers made by the big breweries are technically very well made, it’s just that a majority of people who are passionate enough about beer to go to RateBeer and rate the beers that they try tend not to like American-style light lagers and similar styles.

And most, if not all, of these beers were not sampled blind, meaning there was more than likely strong bias against them in rating them. Because also, like or not, many of the beers on this list are also some of the most popular beers in the world. No. 36, Bud Light, for example, is the highest ranked brand in the world according to the 2009 Millward Brown Optimor Top 100 and the second most popular beer brand in the world according to Plato Logic. I’m no fan of these beers personally and I’m certainly not trying to champion any of the ones on this list, but I do want to put this into perspective.

The World’s Worst Beers

  1. Halsnæs Poulsen / Halsnæs Bryghus (Denmark)
  2. Busch NA / Anheuser-Busch InBev
  3. O’Douls / Anheuser-Busch InBev
  4. Gluek Stite Light Lager / Cold Spring Brewery
  5. Olde English 800 3.2 / Miller Brewing Company (MillerCoors)
  6. Pabst NA / Miller Brewing Company (MillerCoors)
  7. Hurricane Ice / Anheuser-Busch InBev
  8. Sleeman Clear / Sleeman Brewing & Malting Co. (Canada) (Sapporo; Japan)
  9. Black Label 11-11 Malt Liquor / Miller Brewing Company (MillerCoors)
  10. Natural Light / Anheuser-Busch InBev
  11. Natural Ice / Anheuser-Busch InBev
  12. Tooheys Blue Ice / Tooheys (Lion Nathan Co.; New Zealand)
  13. Michelob Ultra / Anheuser-Busch InBev
  14. Milwaukee’s Best / Miller Brewing Company (MillerCoors)
  15. Coors Non-Alcoholic / Coors Brewing Company (MillerCoors)
  16. Diamond White Cider / Matthew Clark Cider (England)
  17. Miller Sharps / Miller Brewing Company (MillerCoors)
  18. Tuborg T-Beer / Carlsberg Brewery (Denmark)
  19. PC 2.5 g Low Carb / Brick Brewing Company (Canada)
  20. Jacob Best Ice / Miller Brewing Company (MillerCoors)
  21. Coors Aspen Edge / Coors Brewing Company (MillerCoors)
  22. Bud Light Chelada / Anheuser-Busch InBev
  23. Molson Kick / Molson Breweries (MolsonCoors; Canada)
  24. Bud Ice Light / Anheuser-Busch InBev
  25. Genesee NA / High Falls Brewing Company
  26. Busch Ice / Anheuser-Busch InBev
  27. Rockman High Gravity Lager / Sleeman Brewing & Malting Co. (Canada) (Sapporo; Japan)
  28. Molson Ex Light / Molson Breweries (MolsonCoors; Canada)
  29. Old Milwaukee Ice / Miller Brewing Company (MillerCoors)
  30. Labatt Sterling / Labatt Breweries (InBev; Canada)
  31. Blue Ice Beer / San Miguel Brewery (Hong Kong)
  32. Hek Original Lager Blonde Beer (Blue label) / Groupe Geloso (Canada)
  33. Pabst Ice / Pabst Brewing Company
  34. Tooheys Blue Bitter / Tooheys (Lion Nathan Co.; New Zealand)
  35. Fosters Light / Fosters Brewing (Australia)
  36. Bud Light / Anheuser-Busch InBev
  37. Busch Light / Anheuser-Busch InBev
  38. Camo Silver Ice High Gravity Lager / City Brewery (Melanie Brewing Co)
  39. Tooheys Extra Dry Platinum / Tooheys (Lion Nathan Co.; New Zealand)
  40. Milwaukee’s Best Light / Miller Brewing Company (MillerCoors)
  41. Pabst Extra Light / Pabst Brewing Company
  42. Molson Ultra / Molson Breweries (MolsonCoors; Canada)
  43. Camo 900 High Gravity Lager / City Brewery (Melanie Brewing Co)
  44. Matt Accel / Matt Brewing Company
  45. Adelskronen Mix Alsterwasser/ Radler / Feldschlößchen Braunschweig (Carlsberg; Denmark)
  46. Lucky Lager Force 10 / Labatt Breweries (InBev)
  47. Busch Beer / Anheuser-Busch InBev
  48. Schlitz Red Bull / Miller Brewing Company (MillerCoors)
  49. Molson Exel / Molson Breweries (MolsonCoors; Canada)
  50. Fosters Light Ice / Fosters Brewing (Australia)

There are some obvious problems with the list. For example, six of the beers are non-alcoholic (I marked them in blue). I know they’re trying to duplicate the taste of beer, but with less than 0.5% alcohol, I’m not sure they should be a part of this list. They’re designed for a very specific purpose, that is for people who can’t tolerate alcohol for whatever reason. A casual drinker would never choose one of these beers absent some specific need. For that same reason I’d argue that gluten-free beers should also not be on such a list, but there aren’t any on the list surprisingly enough. Also one of the items on the list, No. 16, is hard cider, not a beer at all. In the original list, Nos. 33 and 41, Pabst Ice and Pabst Extra Light, respectively, are attributed to MillerCoors, though they only brew them under license for Pabst, who owns the labels.

 
Also, just as a matter of curiosity, here’s some additional interesting data I gleaned from the list:
 

Company Distribution

  1. Anheuser-Busch In Bev = 12 (24%)
  2. MillerCoors = 11 (22%)
  3. MolsonCoors = 4 (8%)
  4. Carlsberg = 2 (4%)
  5. Fosters = 2 (4%)
  6. Labatt/InBev = 2 (4%)
  7. Pabst = 2 (4%)
  8. Sleeman/Sapporo = 2 (4%)
  9. Toohey’s/Lion Nathan = 2 (4%)

Country of Origin Distribution

  1. United States = 31 (62%)
  2. Canada = 9 (18%)
  3. Denmark = 3 (6%)
  4. New Zealand = 3 (6%)
  5. Australia = 2 (4%)
  6. England = 1 (2%)
  7. Hong Kong = 1 (2%)

Style Distribution

  1. Light Lagers = 28 (56%)
  2. Ice Beer = 11 (22%)
  3. Malt Liquor = 7 (14%)
  4. Non-Alcoholic = 6 (12%)
  5. Spice/Herb/Vegetable Beer = 3 (6%)

Filed Under: Beers, Editorial, Related Pleasures Tagged With: RateBeer, Statistics

Alabama Frees the Hops … Almost

May 14, 2009 By Jay Brooks

I heard from the folks at Free the Hops earlier today (thanks Casey) that their efforts have almost paid off. The Alabama State Senate today passed HB373, which would allow beer that’s above 6% a.b.v. to be sold in Alabama. That’s terrific news for the beer lovers of the state. There’s now only one remaining step for the bill to become law, and that’s for the Governor to sign it.

If you live in the state of Alabama, you can help “encourage the Governor to sign [the] bill.” From the Free the Hops blog:

That’s why we’re asking everyone in the state who values personal freedom and who thinks the Alabama government should stop telling us which beers are ok to drink and which ones we can’t handle to contact Governor Riley immediately. By phone, fax, or email, whatever works best for you.

If you can help, see how at the Free the Hops blog, where there are specific instructions on how to reach the Governor’s office by phone, fax or e-mail.

 
If you want to know what they were up against, here’s a representative example by Democrat Alvin Holmes who is in the state house, representing the 78th District, which is Montgomery (the state capital).

 

 

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Video

Action Alert: Contact Your Representative Re: Beer Taxes

May 14, 2009 By Jay Brooks

If you read my previous post about the Senate Finance Committee round table on Tuesday, where three of the thirteen people called on to testify about how to pay for Obama’s $1.5 trillion universal health case initiative suggested that the excise tax on beer should be increased by between 50% and 400%, then you won’t be at all surprised that the Beer Institute’s Legislative Action Network has issued an Action Alert for people in favor of keeping good beer affordable. They’re asking that people, if so motivated, please “call your member of Congress and your Senators, especially if they are on the Senate Finance Committee and weigh-in on the devastating impact ANY increase on the federal excise tax on beer would have on your business. The following two links can help you determine your member of Congress and Senators. And below is a table of the members of the Senate Finance Committee with a link to each member. Public comments can also be made at the committee’s website.

 

DEMOCRATSREPUBLICANS
MAX BAUCUS, MT
JOHN D. ROCKEFELLER IV, WV
KENT CONRAD, ND
JEFF BINGAMAN, NM
JOHN F. KERRY, MA
BLANCHE L. LINCOLN, AR
RON WYDEN, OR
CHARLES E. SCHUMER, NY
DEBBIE STABENOW, MI
MARIA CANTWELL, WA
BILL NELSON, FL
ROBERT MENENDEZ, NJ
THOMAS CARPER, DE

CHUCK GRASSLEY, IA
ORRIN G. HATCH, UT
OLYMPIA J. SNOWE, ME
JON KYL, AZ
JIM BUNNING, KY
MIKE CRAPO, ID
PAT ROBERTS, KS
JOHN ENSIGN, NV
MIKE ENZI, WY
JOHN CORNYN, TX

 

Below is additional analysis of the impact of raising the excise tax on beer from the Beer Institute.
 

Raising Alcohol Taxes Will Have a Severe Economic Impact,
Offsetting Any Revenue Generated by the Tax

Directly and indirectly, the beer industry employs approximately 1.9 million Americans, paying them almost $62 billion in wages and benefits and generating more than $198 billion in economic output. Proposals to triple or quadruple the excise tax will have severe economic impacts on the industry. Just tripling the current beer tax to $20.25/proof gallon will cost the country jobs at a time when the national unemployment rate is the highest it has been since 1983. Beer Institute estimates that a 300% increase in the excise tax on beer will result in 179,000 lost jobs, $5.9 billion in lost wages, $18.9 billion in lost economic output, and $2.7 billion in lost federal, state, and local revenues from decreased production and consumption. The impacts of these tax increases may be even greater for small businesses as microbreweries and brewpubs will be hit with significantly larger tax bills. Many of these smaller companies may be forced to close.

An excise tax is designed to collect additional monies as volumes increase over time. The growth in beer industry volumes have added more than $800 million in additional federal revenue since 1991 when the beer excise tax was doubled. Excise taxes are hidden taxes on consumers who pay them in the final retail price of a product. In 2008, taxes on the beer industry at all levels of government added up to more than $41 billion dollars. The total tax burden of federal, state, and local taxes on beer are more than 41 percent of the retail price paid by consumers.

Beer Taxes Disproportionately Affect
Lower Income Consumers

Approximately 50 percent of all beer purchased in the United States is by consumers with household incomes of $50,000 per year or less. That means the relative impact of beer excise taxes on households in the lowest income brackets is 6.5 times greater than those with the highest incomes.

The vast majority of our consumers are hardworking Americans who do not abuse alcohol products (Source: Harris Interactive, 2008). By levying an even higher tax on this segment of the population, Congress will make it even more difficult for them to enjoy a simple pleasure during these difficult economic times. These are exactly the people who should not be penalized in a misguided attempt to deter the small percentage of the public that abuses these products. Furthermore, during the fall 2008 campaigns, many candidates called for providing tax relief to this portion of the population. Brewers and beer importers agree, which is why they have supported measures such as the Brewers Excise and Economic Relief (B.E.E.R.) Act of 2009, which already has 174 cosponsors in the U.S. House of Representatives. The BEER Act (H.R. 836) hopes to return the federal beer excise tax back to its pre-1991 level of $9 per barrel for large brewers and $3.50 for small brewers.

 

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Uncategorized

U.S. Senate Told To Raise Beer Taxes

May 14, 2009 By Jay Brooks

As reported by Harry Schumacher in his Beer Business Daily (subscription required), at a Senate Finance Committee round table on Tuesday, three of the thirteen people called on to testify about how to pay for Obama’s $1.5 trillion universal health case initiative suggested that the excise tax on beer should be increased by between 50% and 400%. They also suggested — finally — that excise taxes be applied to soda pop (although I think perhaps it should be anything with high fructose corn syrup) among much else, such as trans fat and sodium levels in packaged and restaurant foods (though why not remove all the sugar in packaged foods, too?). Even though I disagree with the concept of excise taxes, at least people are finally suggesting taxing products which in my opinion are more harmful to society as a whole than alcohol.

Here’s what Mike Jacobson, the director of the horribly misnamed Center for Science in the Public Interest (CSPI) told the Senate Committee:

Because alcohol beverages are a “major cause of illness, addiction, death, injury, and psychosocial problems, Congress should raise alcohol excise taxes, tax all products equally on the basis of their alcohol content, and index tax rates for inflation. Boosting the tax on distilled spirits by 50 percent and equalizing the beer and wine rates would generate $12 billion in new revenues annually. Simply adjusting tax rates for the inflation that has eroded revenues since the last increase (in 1991) would raise $5 billion in new revenues per year. Higher taxes and prices would dampen alcohol consumption and lead to additional health-care and other cost savings to the federal government and to the economy generally.”

Jacobson’s arguments are typical of modern prohibitionists, full of scary statistics that prove to be wrong or inflated at best, propaganda, and selective reasoning (when they’re reasoning at all). When he says that “[h]igher taxes and prices would dampen alcohol consumption” does he not get that it would reduce the tax benefits, as well? Putting an entire industry out of business removes personal income tax, business tax and wipes out the excise taxes completely. And that helps raise more revenue how? And then of course there’s the numbers. Even if we accept his $12 billion in new revenues figure, that means his idea of burdening an entire industry would raise 0.008% of the $1.5 trillion total needed to fund the President’s health care initiative. It’s kind of ironic that’s it’s point-0-0-8 percent. Now how rational a suggestion is that? Let’s kill an industry that’s actually keeping people employed to raise a tiny fraction of the money needed.

But one of his arguments is especially laced with error and a false conclusion. Here’s the argument:

Some parties (usually industry) express concern about the regressivity of alcohol taxes, but the actual problem is much exaggerated. In fact, compared to upper-income consumers, lower income families buy much less alcoholic beverages. People in the lowest quintile of incomes consume only 8 percent of alcoholic beverages; those in the top quintile consume 38 percent. Overall, only 1 percent of Americans’ total expenditures are for alcohol, regardless of income. Most people would be little affected by higher alcohol taxes. More than one-third of adults do not drink at all, and half of all drinkers drink sparingly. For instance, using the highest-increase scenario discussed above, half of all beer drinkers would pay less than $10 per year—under three cents a day—in new taxes. Because alcohol consumption is heavily concentrated among the top 20 percent of drinkers who consume 85 percent of all the alcohol, most of the tax increases would be paid by those who drink excessively. Using some of the revenues for alcoholism treatment, prevention, and public education would further reduce the toll of alcohol problems and would probably disproportionately benefit low-income problem drinkers.

Is it at all surprising that the top 20% (which is a “quintile”) income households (who have lots more money) buy a disproportionally larger amount of alcohol? I suspect they also buy a higher percentage of food, soda, and every other conceivable consumer product or service too. The bottom 20%, with far fewer resources can’t afford to buy as much. So WTF? That somehow makes it fair because people with more money can afford to buy more and thus can pay higher prices? And that also somehow means it’s not regressive after all? What a nutter. The lower income bracket would also be more burdened since they’re already heavily burdened by virtue of their limited buying power. They could only afford less, but that’s not regressive?

And why is it okay if “most of the tax increases would be paid by those who drink excessively?” Why punish people who choose to drink more? It’s people like Jacobson that actually make me want to drink more. But what that tacitly means is that he’s characterizing the tax in moral terms as a sin tax. He’s suggesting, not very subtly, that people who drink more deserve to be punished. And see here I thought the point of the discussion was to fund health care for all Americans, not target certain ones that the CSPI disagrees with and punish them.

And then there’s the tired argument that the higher taxes could fund “alcoholism treatment, prevention, and public education” which further reduces the amount available for the initiative. Just suggesting that funds be diverted for such specific programs makes clear in my mind that he doesn’t really understand why the Senate asked for his testimony.

But according to Harry it gets worse. Here’s what Robert Greenstein of the supposedly liberal Center on Budget and Policy Priorities thinks should be done:

After pointing out that alcohol taxes are lower today than when they were last raised in 1991 due to inflation, he recommends one of three options, each worse than the one before:

  1. The first option would be to raise tax rates back to where Congress set them in 1990 — i.e., to put them at the 1991 level, but adjusted for inflation since that time. Under this option, taxes would increase by nearly a buck a case, to $2.16 a case in federal taxes alone.
  2. Behind door number two is an option that is apparently put forward by the Congressional Budget Office, which is to set alcohol taxes at a uniform $16 per proof gallon, which means equalizing beer, wine, and spirits taxes. The current tax on spirits is $13.50 proof per gallon. This CBO option would raise that to $16 per proof gallon and also apply it to beer and wine. This would nearly triple the federal excise tax on beer, raising it by $2.16 a case, for a total federal tax of $3.36 per case, while simultaneously increasing spirits taxes by a lesser multiple.
  3. The final option Dr. Greenstein proposes, which almost makes me sick to even write about, would be to combine the first two options in a sort of alcohol Armageddon. Under such an approach, alcohol would be taxed across the board at the level that distilled spirits were taxed in 1991, when Congress last acted, with that level adjusted for inflation since 1991 and going forward. Under this option, the tax on a case of beer would quadruple to about $4.32 a case.

First let’s address the inflation argument. If that’s true, then isn’t practically every thing in the world cheaper now due to inflation, isn’t every unadjusted tax in the same situation? And if so, then why aren’t we talking about adjusting all taxes for inflation? Why are we only talking about alcohol?

He acknowledges that “moderate alcohol consumption can be neutral or even beneficial for health,” but seems to believe that it’s still acceptable to punish all alcohol consumers because of the supposed high costs imposed by “excess alcohol consumption.” Even if true, why is this an acceptable line of reasoning, that everyone should be punished for the excesses of a small minority? How did we get to a point in our social evolution where that seems like a good idea?

He goes on to cite the similarly spurious arguments that “the National Academy of Sciences has recommended raising alcohol excise tax rates to discourage underage drinking” and “a 2007 report issued by the Surgeon General noted that increasing the costs of alcohol use (i.e., raising the tax on alcohol) could influence teenagers to drink less.” How does anyone read that and not see the flawed logic? Not only is that not what he was asked to testify about, but we should raise taxes (and prices) on all alcohol because it “could” make people who are already forbidden from drinking it consume less? That just makes no earthly sense whatsoever.

Then there’s the idea of making taxes on alcohol uniform — a kind of “flat tax” — by proof per gallon. Forget all the math, this simply ignores the costs of making the very different alcoholic beverages, their pricing and how they’re consumed. Spirits, of course, cost much more than beer and wine is likewise often much more expensive then beer, too. While both could conceivably withstand a tax increase because of the higher price they command in the marketplace, beer would be absolutely decimated by such a taxing structure.

He concludes with more nonsense about moderate drinkers not being unduly burdened since they drink less already. That therefore the increased taxes would mean the price of their alcohol would only rise a little bit, ignoring, of course, the reality that if the taxes on a glass of wine increased 10 cents that the price would not go up merely 10 cents, too, but by far more. This is the same argument that Jacobson made, just in a slightly different form, and its just as ridiculous an argument here, too.

The third person to bring up alcohol was Jonathan Gruber, a Professor of Economics at M.I.T.

Sin Taxes: The second is increased taxation of “sin good” whose use raises the cost of health care for all Americans. This would include cigarettes, alcohol, and high sugar or fat foods that cause obesity. There is a strong public policy argument for raising taxes on all of these goods. In particular, the tax rate on alcohol is well below the level that would account for the damage that drinking does to society, in particular through drunk driving. Yet it is difficult to raise sufficient revenues from these sources, and these revenues will not rise at the rate of health care spending; indeed, they are likely to fall over time if we move the population towards healthier lifestyles.

Gruber at least concedes that raising these taxes would not only raise very little money but that the amount would decrease over time, as well. So you have to wonder why he brought it up at all. What I find perhaps most troubling is that he refers to taxing these particular items as “sin taxes.” That just seems like such antiquated thinking. I don’t think an economics professor gets to decide what is and isn’t a sin. He may consider alcohol to be a sin, but millions of other Americans believe it’s perfectly acceptable to drink an alcoholic beverage. And both positions are equally valid because deciding what’s a sin is a personal decision based on one’s religion or moral compass, which still was — last time I checked — a freedom we all enjoy as citizens of the United States thanks to the Bill of Rights. So I think Gruber is more than a little presumptuous when he tries to decide what’s a sin for all Americans.

Here’s Harry’s take on the whole proceedings:

It’s clear that these and other groups’ alcohol tax agenda — which they’ve been peddling for years — is only gaining an audience now with the powers in Washington because the federal treasury is in desperate need of funds. It’s clear to me that they are presenting more public policy arguments than fund raising. After, even the most draconian measure above only raises about $30 billion over five years, and that’s if consumption doesn’t fall off a cliff (which we know it does when looking back at the 1990 doubling of taxes). That’s a fraction of the trillions needed to fund this program. Plus it’s a highly regressive tax, and the resulting job losses will reduce income tax revenue, something I’m quite sure is not figured into their numbers. Jonathan Gruber, PhD, professor of economics at MIT pointed out the paradox of it to the good senators in attendance: “It is difficult to raise sufficient revenues from these sources, and these revenues will not rise at the rate of health care spending; indeed, they are likely to fall over time if we move the population towards healthier lifestyles.” In other words, higher taxes reduces consumption, which in turn reduces taxes. Not a great business model, even for the government.

We must keep this all in perspective. This was only a round table (not even a formal hearing) of a bunch of propellerheads with letters behind their names, policy wonks who’ve never run a small business or had to scrounge to make payroll (I mean that with the utmost respect, of course). We knew what they were going to say before the said it. Having said that, it’s clear this isn’t going away because of the desperate money grab going on in Washington right now. Now we must band together and fight this the smart way. If you haven’t had your senator or congressman to your brewery or distributorship lately, this summer break is the perfect time.

Harry’s right, of course, about keeping this in perspective. I guess I should be pleased that only three of the thirteen targeted alcohol. But I’m also quite worried that we’re seeing only the tip of the iceberg in a more concerted effort by neo-prohibitionist groups like the CSPI, and others, to use our present economic crisis to their advantage to further an unrelated agenda. The number one priority of most, if not all, politicians is to stay in office. Using alcohol as a bogeyman can be an attractive alternative from having to face the real causes and consequences of our current economic situation. As a result, I feel quite confident in saying this is not the last time we’ll find alcohol squarely in the crosshairs. At this point as the economy continues its downward slide, the politicians and the New Drys whispering in their ear about demon alcohol will continue to find common ground to the potential detriment of the millions of Americans who enjoy a drink now and again, not to mention the millions more whose livelihood depends on alcohol to feed their own families and pay their taxes. It shouldn’t be an us vs. them world, but it sure seems increasingly that way.

 

Portions from Beer Business Daily reprinted with permission. If you don’t already subscribe, and beer is your business, you should consider subscribing to Harry’s daily (and sometimes more frequent) e-mail newsletter.

 

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Uncategorized

Top Ten Tuesday: Top 10 Beer Limericks

May 12, 2009 By Jay Brooks

top-10
Today is National Limerick Day, which commemorates the birthday of Edward Lear. Lear wrote the Book of Nonsense, one of the earliest collections of limerick poetry and with it and later works he’s the person who probably did more to popularize the form than anyone else. Here’s one by Lear where he mentions beer.

There was an Old Man with an owl,
Who continued to bother and howl;
He sate on a rail,
And imbibed bitter ale,
Which refreshed that Old Man and his owl.

          — Edward Lear, Book of Nonsense #98

So for my 16th Top 10 list I present the Top 10 beer limericks, although the rankings are pretty much meaningless. These are just my ten favorite limericks that are about beer or drinking. I sort of prefer number 1 to number 5 or 7, but not to the degree of some of the previous lists. They’re all winners. But, of course, I’d love to hear your choices. Anyway, here’s List #16:
 

Top 10 Beer Limericks
 

A Girl Named Anheuser
There once was a girl named Anheuser,
who said that no man could surprise her.
But Pabst took a chance,
found the Schlitz in her pants,
and now she is sadder Budweiser.
A Salty Tear
One day my mouth felt so dry
And I thought I was about to die.
Then I saw the word “Beer”,
And one salty tear
Of happiness escaped from my eye.
Ye Olde English Ale
All hail to Ye Olde English Ale;
Ye porter, ye bitter, ye pale.
With flavours that linger,
Like old Bishop’s Finger,
They ain’t for the weak or the frail.
Deliciously Wonderful Beer by RGiskard
What is hoppy and brings us good cheer?
Not a froggy, I promise, my dear!
It’s brown, black and tan,
And can come in a can.
It’s deliciously wonderful beer!
Pity the Innkeeper’s Plight
Oh pity the innkeeper’s plight
When his customers, night after night,
Order only pale brew
And brown ale eschew —
For his dark is much worse than his lite.
You Get What You Pay For
It’s true what the say about ale,
When it has grown quite stale.
It smells like a skunk,
But still gets you drunk;
I guess that’s why this was on sale.
The Monks of Manuller
Some merry old monks of Manuller,
Found life was becoming much duller.
They brewed a fine ale
In a massive big pail,
And they found their lives were much fuller.
Slow Drowning
A brewery worker named Lee
Drowned in a vat of brewski.
I regretfully say
He’d not drowned right away;
He climbed out five time just to pee.
Hard Head Fred
A brewery worker named Fred
Had a barrel fall onto his head.
“Weren’t you hurt?” I did ask,
“Being hit by that cask?”
“I was lucky — ’twas light ale,” he said.
What Is It?
What is to our hearts so dear?
What makes the whole world cheer?
What is it we praise
In millions of ways —
Could it be a thing other than Beer?!

 

As usual, it was pretty hard to keep the list to ten, and a great many wonderful poems didn’t make the cut. Here’s a few more that almost made it:

I Drink Therefore
One day a real man of good cheer
Asked Descartes if he’d like a beer.
What the man got
Was ‘I think not’;
As he watched Descartes disappear.

Osiris
What made the Egyptians revere
Osiris and claim he was peer
To the gods of the land
Was that, unlike that other band,
He’d instructed them how to make beer.

The Beer Cow
There was an old farmer named Lear,
Who possessed a fine cow that gave beer.
Budweiser or Schlitz,
Could be tapped from her teats,
And pretzels came out of the rear.

Abbey Ale by Nitelaf
Abbey ale’s what we brew here, we Trappists.
(We’re in Belgium, for all of you mappists.)
Strong and rich, full in body;
As sweet as a toddy.
I’m glad that we’re brewers, not frappists.

No Socks
A frustrated brewer named Jacques,
Drowned himself in a barrel of Bock.
Grieved his friends, “Sad, it’s true,
Though this flavor is new,
But the next batch, let’s take off his socks.”

Jack Spratt’s Wife
There was a young girl, Marie Spratt,
At work one day, fell in a vat.
Before she was dragged out
She had drunk so much stout,
That her parts that were thin, became fat.

June 2nd by Tim Alborn
As from Monday, the second of June,
When the clock in my bedroom says noon,
I will stop drinking beer
For the rest of the year
(Or until I go near a saloon).

The Foam Ranger
A young lad named Armisted Auger,
Favored copious foam on his lager.
To the barmaid he said,
“Give me plenty of head,”
So she karated his schwagger.

Send me your favorite beer limericks by posting it in a comment.

 

Also, if you have any ideas for future Top 10 lists you’d like to see, drop me a line.
 

Filed Under: Top 10 Tagged With: Poetry

American Craft Beer Week Begins

May 11, 2009 By Jay Brooks

American Craft Beer Week begins today and runs through Sunday the 17th. Breweries around the country will be hosting special events throughout the week, many of which can be found on the ACBW Facebook page.

From the press release:

“Today, 97% of the more than 1,500 U.S. breweries are small and independent craft brewers. American Craft Beer Week, May 11-17, is a time to celebrate everything these breweries contribute to our country and culture, and to also celebrate the diversity of beer styles and brands available today,” stated Julia Herz, a spokesperson for the Brewers Association.

Small and independent craft brewers provide nearly 100,000 jobs, and in 2008 the total taxable barrels of beer produced by craft brewers was 8,596,971. Additionally, many craft brewers go to incredible lengths and great costs to lessen their impact on their surrounding environment and community. Representing 4.0 percent by volume and 6.3 percent in dollars of the overall beer market, consumer interest in the craft sector continues to grow, but not without challenges. According to the Brewers Association, the cost of operating a small brewery has increased over 39% November 2007 to November 2008.

 

And below is the mention that American Craft Beer Week received on the Stephen Colbert Show last year.

 

The Colbert ReportMon – Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
American Craft Beer Week
colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full EpisodesPolitical HumorGay Marriage

 

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Holidays, Video

CSBA To Meet In San Diego May 19

May 11, 2009 By Jay Brooks

The California Small Brewers Association will be holding their bi-annual General Meeting Tuesday, May 19th at the Karl Strauss Brewery in San Diego, at the production facility at 5985 Santa Fe St., which is near the airport. The meeting is open to any and all craft brewers in California, whether you’re a member or not. Though if you’re not a member, I would urge you to consider joining. Sure, yeah, I know — money’s tight — but can you really afford not to be a member of an organization who’s looking out for your interests? Anyway, climbing down off my soap box. Come down and see what the CSBA is all about. Here’s a summary of what will be going on at the meeting:

The CSBA has lined up a great speaker lined with a very relevant topic: Marketing craft beer to women will be the topic presented by Ginger Johnson. This is NOT just about “selling” to women. Ginger talks in depth about how subtle enhancements to your tasting room, brewery tours, brewpub restaurants, brand graphics and your brand “message” can better embrace the woman consumer. This information is immediately useable and valuable for breweries and brewpubs of all sizes. As we grow our businesses, we compete with major beer brands, wine, spirits – and each other. But 50% of the drinking population is still almost untouched when it comes to beer: women. Please RSVP by this Friday if you plan to attend. Email tom.mccormick@probrewer.com to RSVP, and you must RSVP to attend.

 
Meeting Schedule:

 

  • 12:00-1:00 – Lunch ($10 members/$20 non-members)
  • 1:00-1:30 – Association Update with Tom McCormick, executive director CSBA
  • 1:30-2:15 – Legislative and Tax Threat Update by Chris Walker, lobbyist, CSBA
  • 2:15-2:30 – Break
  • 2:30-2:45 – “I am a Craft Brewer” Video Update by Greg Koch. Greg will give a brief update on the craft beer video “seen round the world.” Greg will let us know how many “views” the video has had and the future of this craft beer marketing piece.
  • 2:45-4:15 – Women Enjoying Beer by Ginger Johnson. Ginger will talk about authentically and accurately marketing craft beer to women. Not just “selling” to women, but how subtle enhancements to your tasting room, brewery tours, brewpub restaurants, brand graphics and your brand “message” can better embrace the woman consumer. This information is immediately usable and valuable for breweries and brewpubs of all sizes.
  • 4:30-6:00 – Beer Social (tours of the new bottling line and brewery expansion). Stick around and mingle with our sponsors and fellow brewers. Tour the new bottling line and brewery expansion.

 

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Uncategorized

Beer In Art #27: Mother’s Day Barmaid

May 10, 2009 By Jay Brooks

Since today is Mother’s Day, I thought I’d choose a work of art that featured at least a woman, though I can’t be sure she is a mother, though I think I’m safe in saying she has one, at least. Today’s work is an illustration presumably once used as part of an advertisement for a brewery. Its title is German Barmaid, which may have been merely descriptive since that’s the name written in pencil on the original lithograph.

 

Click on the image above for a larger, more detailed view.

The chromolithograph was done by Louis Prang & Co. from Boston around 1890. It’s part of a collection in the Boston Public Library, which thoughtfully they’ve put a number of their prints up on Flickr.

Some consider Prang to be the “Father of the Christmas Card,” such as this account from Suite 101 and this one from the Emotions Greeting Card Museum. He also co-founded the Dixon Ticonderoga Company, the ones that make the yellow pencils we all used in grade school.

If you want to learn more about the printer, Louis Prang, Wikipedia has a small summary. Also the Winterthur Library purports to have a number of Prang’s works but you have to travel to Delaware to see them. You can see some of his bird prints at The Art of the Print.

 

Filed Under: Art & Beer Tagged With: Holidays

Charting Beer Factoids

May 8, 2009 By Jay Brooks

One of my favorite things about the internet is that one is constantly making new, unexpected discoveries whenever one fires up Google. You just never know what you’ll find, and since my mind works in tangents, references, and connections I can easily fritter away entire afternoons wandering about. Anyway, I stumbled across these charts at the graphic designer’s website who created them for SloshSpot last year. His name is Jess Bachman and they’re wonderful presentations of statistical information on beer consumption. SloshSpot used them last October for a post they called The Year in Beer: Beer Drinking in America by Volume. Bachman did a total of eight charts, three of which are shown below. The original captions are show in blockquotes. Here’s how Bachman describes the project:

Essentially it’s one point of data, the amount of beer consumed in the US annually, only it is envisioned in several different ways. Very large numbers are difficult to conceptualize and very large volumes, areas, and other measurements are even further out of the minds grasp. So this is an attempt to take this data point and play with it until the reader comes away with a better sense of the American appetite for this frothy brew.

You can see the rest either at Jess Bachman’s website or the original SloshSpot post. There are a couple of small errors (like malt is incorrectly listed as a “grain”) but it’s a pretty cool series of graphic design with great visuals to give an interesting perspective on the data.

 

Only China is has a greater thirst, but they also have an extra billion people’s thirst to quench so with only one fourth of the population, we certainly hold our own.

 

With moon-landing levels of public support, cooperation and diligence, we could get this lasting testament to the wonders of Beer created, and filled too. OK, still day dreaming here, but if you just wanted to visualize 30 teragrams of liquid, here you go. What’s a teragram? It’s a scientific way of saying “that’s fucking heavy!”

 

Speaking of the moon, where would a visualization attempt be without some reference to the distance to the moon? If its too big for “around the earth x times”‘ then its “to the moon and back x times”. Well this one was quite short of making it to our nearest neighbor, Mars, but this stack of cans tops out at a respectable 4.8 million miles of space. And just for you terrestrial types, that’s around the earth 185 times. But really, what a waste of beer.

 

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Uncategorized

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