Sunday’s ad is for Schlitz, from the 1950s, probably. This is just the illustration for the ad, with the woman delivering four freshly-opened bottles of Schlitz with four glasses on a tray. What a hostess! It looks like they;re going to have quite a nice barbecue. I’m getting hungry — and thirsty — just looking at it.
Today, of course, is the birthday of Theodore Geisel, a.k.a. Dr. Seuss. Four years ago my kids were on a Dr. Seuss kick and we read quite a few of his books multiple times, with Green Eggs & Ham emerging as the family favorite. I was playing around with the words one night, as I often do, and decided to see if I could come up with a beer-themed parody of the book. I originally posted the results three years ago, and here they are once again; Craft Beer & Ale, by Dr. J. Enjoy!
Sam I am
I am Sam
Sam I am
That Sam’s upscale.
That Sam regales.
I do not like that Sam wholesale!
Do you drink
craft beer & ale?
I do not drink them, Sam, they’re stale.
I do not drink
craft beer & ale.
Would you drink them
weak or strong?
I would not drink them
weak or strong.
I would not drink them, it is wrong.
I do not drink
craft beer & ale.
I do not drink them, Sam, curtail.
Would you drink them with more hops?
Would you drink them chased with schnapps?
I do not drink them
with more hops.
I do not drink them
chased with schnapps.
I do not drink them
weak or strong.
I do not drink them
all night long.
I do not drink
craft beer & ale.
I do not drink them,
Sam, you’re off the trail.
Would you drink them
in a pub?
Would you drink them
at a club?
Not in a pub.
Not at a club.
Not with more hops.
Not chased with schnapps.
I would not drink them
weak or strong.
I would not drink them, it is wrong.
I would not drink craft beer & ale.
I do not drink them, Sam — no sale.
Would you? Could you? In a bar?
Drink them! Drink them! Here they are.
I would not, could not, in a bar.
You may like them. You will see.
You may like them with some cheese!
I would not, could not with some cheese.
Not in a bar! You let me be.
I do not like them in a pub.
I do not like them at a club.
I do not like them with more hops.
I do not like them chased with schnapps.
I do not like them weak or strong.
I do not like them all night long.
I do not like craft beer & ale.
I do not like them, Sam, you’re beyond the pale.
A stein! A stein!
A stein! A stein!
Could you, would you,
in a stein?
Not in a stein! Not in a stein!
Not with some cheese! Sam! Let me be!
I would not, could not, in a pub.
I could not, would not, at a club.
I will not drink them with more hops.
I will not drink them chased with schnapps.
I will not drink them weak or strong.
I will not drink them, it is wrong.
I do not like craft beer & ale.
I do not like them, Sam, you’ve gone off the rail.
Say! In a glass?
Here in a glass!
Would you, could you,
in a glass?
I would not, could not, in a glass.
Would you, could you, while you dine?
I would not, could not, while I dine.
Not in a glass. Not in a stein.
Not in a bar. Not with some cheese.
I do not drink them, Sam, you see.
Not with more hops. Not in a pub.
Not chased with schnapps. Not in a club.
I will not drink them weak or strong.
I will not drink them all night long.
You do not drink
craft beer & ale?
I do not drink them,
Sam, you make me wail.
Could you, would you,
drink with Charlie?
I would not, could not,
drink with Charlie.
Would you, could you,
with more barley?
I could not, would not,
with more barley,
I will not, will not,
drink with Charlie.
I will not drink them while I dine.
I will not drink them in a stein.
Not in a glass! Not with some cheese.
Not in a bar! You let me be!
I do not drink them in a pub.
I do not drink them at a club.
I do not drink them with more hops.
I do not drink them chased with schnapps.
I do not drink them weak or strong.
I do not drink them IT IS WRONG!
I do not drink craft beer & ale!
I do not drink them, Sam — you fail.
You do not drink them. So you say.
Try them! Try them! And you may.
Try them and you may, I say.
Sam! If you will let me be,
I will try them. You will see.
Say! I like craft beer & ale!
I do! I like them, Sam, you prevail!
And I would drink them with more barley.
And I would drink with homebrew Charlie…
And I will drink them while I dine.
And in a glass. And in a stein.
And in a bar. And with some cheese.
They are so good, so good, you see!
So I will drink them in a pub.
And I will drink them at a club.
And I will drink them with more hops.
And I will drink them chased with schnapps.
And I will drink them weak or strong.
Say! I will drink them ALL NIGHT LONG!
I do so love
craft beer at home!
Thank you!
Thank you, Sam-Cala-Gione!
All artwork by Rob Davis. Thanks, Rob! All words after Theodore Seuss Geisel by Dr. J. If you’re so inclined, you can also see the original text side by side with my parody at Craft Beer & Ale Compared.
Saturday’s ad is for Hackerbrau, from the 1920s. Hacker used to be one of the big Munich breweries but merged with Pschorrbräu in 1972 to become the Hacker-Pschorr Brewery. This ad has a decidedly travel adventure in Africa feel to it, and looks like the artistic poster art of that time period.
Friday’s ad is for Guinness, from the 1950s or possibly early 60s. It’s a very minimalist ad, but I love how animated the artist made the “G” and how much it conveys with just a few black lines.
Thursday’s ad is for Miller High Life, from 1961. After the Sochi Olympics, a little skiing just made sense. This was, I believe, before Miller started using the Tetra hop that is resistant to getting lightstruck. So who knows how this beer would have tasted coming off the slopes.
Wednesday’s ad is for Coors, from 1970. This is from the time when Coors was still only sold in the Western states, and as a result enjoyed a certain cult status in the East. I remember they had a lot of these minimalist ads, beauty shots, showing simply the Rocky Mountains, a stream of Rocky Mountain Spring Water, and a glass of beer. BUt is it just me, or does that pilsner glass have some odd bumps on it?
Tuesday’s ad is for Schlitz, from 1959. One of their “Know the Joy of Good Living” ads, this one features a couple skiing — is that cross country skiing? — wearing what looks like it may be matching outfits, at least based on a red sleeve. One of them is holding up a glass of beer, and all we can see is a white glove and a sleeve of red. But the bigger question is how did they get a glass of beer and pour it in the middle of Rocky Mountain nowhere? Or is the lodge right behind our view and they haven’t even left yet, or done anything to deserve a beer break yet?
Monday’s ad is for the United States Brewers Foundation, from 1941. This is one of a series of pro-industry ads that the brewer’s trade group engaged in post-prohibition to show the brewing industry in a positive light. This one shows an older farmer resting after, presumably, a long day in the fields tending to the crops. His wife, however, is still hard at work pouring him a beer. I guess it’s not yet the end of the work-day for her.
Sunday’s ad is for Budweiser, from 1946. From A-B’s “Great Contributions To Taste” series, this one features Luther Burbank, the “American botanist, horticulturist and pioneer in agricultural science.” Although born in Massachusetts, he settled in nearby Santa Rosa, California and you can see his name everywhere here in Sonoma. Although he created over “800 strains and varieties of plants” he doesn’t seem to have had any relationship to beer, not that that stopped the advertising machinery.
Saturday’s ad is for Jacob Ruppert Beer, from maybe the 1950s. I love the tagline, “Tasting is Believing,” but even better is the line at the bottom of the ad. “Slow Aged for Finer Flavor.” BUt I don’t know about the model, dressed in a nautical blouse with a captain’s hat on her head. She looks like she’s really there beachside as the boats put out. That I’m not believing.
