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Top Ten Tuesday: Top 10 Beer Limericks

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top-10
Today is National Limerick Day, which commemorates the birthday of Edward Lear. Lear wrote the Book of Nonsense, one of the earliest collections of limerick poetry and with it and later works he’s the person who probably did more to popularize the form than anyone else. Here’s one by Lear where he mentions beer.

There was an Old Man with an owl,
Who continued to bother and howl;
He sate on a rail,
And imbibed bitter ale,
Which refreshed that Old Man and his owl.

          — Edward Lear, Book of Nonsense #98

So for my 16th Top 10 list I present the Top 10 beer limericks, although the rankings are pretty much meaningless. These are just my ten favorite limericks that are about beer or drinking. I sort of prefer number 1 to number 5 or 7, but not to the degree of some of the previous lists. They’re all winners. But, of course, I’d love to hear your choices. Anyway, here’s List #16:
 

Top 10 Beer Limericks
 

A Girl Named Anheuser
There once was a girl named Anheuser,
who said that no man could surprise her.
But Pabst took a chance,
found the Schlitz in her pants,
and now she is sadder Budweiser.
A Salty Tear
One day my mouth felt so dry
And I thought I was about to die.
Then I saw the word “Beer”,
And one salty tear
Of happiness escaped from my eye.
Ye Olde English Ale
All hail to Ye Olde English Ale;
Ye porter, ye bitter, ye pale.
With flavours that linger,
Like old Bishop’s Finger,
They ain’t for the weak or the frail.
Deliciously Wonderful Beer by RGiskard
What is hoppy and brings us good cheer?
Not a froggy, I promise, my dear!
It’s brown, black and tan,
And can come in a can.
It’s deliciously wonderful beer!
Pity the Innkeeper’s Plight
Oh pity the innkeeper’s plight
When his customers, night after night,
Order only pale brew
And brown ale eschew —
For his dark is much worse than his lite.
You Get What You Pay For
It’s true what the say about ale,
When it has grown quite stale.
It smells like a skunk,
But still gets you drunk;
I guess that’s why this was on sale.
The Monks of Manuller
Some merry old monks of Manuller,
Found life was becoming much duller.
They brewed a fine ale
In a massive big pail,
And they found their lives were much fuller.
Slow Drowning
A brewery worker named Lee
Drowned in a vat of brewski.
I regretfully say
He’d not drowned right away;
He climbed out five time just to pee.
Hard Head Fred
A brewery worker named Fred
Had a barrel fall onto his head.
“Weren’t you hurt?” I did ask,
“Being hit by that cask?”
“I was lucky — ’twas light ale,” he said.
What Is It?
What is to our hearts so dear?
What makes the whole world cheer?
What is it we praise
In millions of ways —
Could it be a thing other than Beer?!

 

As usual, it was pretty hard to keep the list to ten, and a great many wonderful poems didn’t make the cut. Here’s a few more that almost made it:

I Drink Therefore
One day a real man of good cheer
Asked Descartes if he’d like a beer.
What the man got
Was ‘I think not’;
As he watched Descartes disappear.

Osiris
What made the Egyptians revere
Osiris and claim he was peer
To the gods of the land
Was that, unlike that other band,
He’d instructed them how to make beer.

The Beer Cow
There was an old farmer named Lear,
Who possessed a fine cow that gave beer.
Budweiser or Schlitz,
Could be tapped from her teats,
And pretzels came out of the rear.

Abbey Ale by Nitelaf
Abbey ale’s what we brew here, we Trappists.
(We’re in Belgium, for all of you mappists.)
Strong and rich, full in body;
As sweet as a toddy.
I’m glad that we’re brewers, not frappists.

No Socks
A frustrated brewer named Jacques,
Drowned himself in a barrel of Bock.
Grieved his friends, “Sad, it’s true,
Though this flavor is new,
But the next batch, let’s take off his socks.”

Jack Spratt’s Wife
There was a young girl, Marie Spratt,
At work one day, fell in a vat.
Before she was dragged out
She had drunk so much stout,
That her parts that were thin, became fat.

June 2nd by Tim Alborn
As from Monday, the second of June,
When the clock in my bedroom says noon,
I will stop drinking beer
For the rest of the year
(Or until I go near a saloon).

The Foam Ranger
A young lad named Armisted Auger,
Favored copious foam on his lager.
To the barmaid he said,
“Give me plenty of head,”
So she karated his schwagger.

Send me your favorite beer limericks by posting it in a comment.

 

Also, if you have any ideas for future Top 10 lists you’d like to see, drop me a line.
 

American Craft Beer Week Begins

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American Craft Beer Week begins today and runs through Sunday the 17th. Breweries around the country will be hosting special events throughout the week, many of which can be found on the ACBW Facebook page.

From the press release:

“Today, 97% of the more than 1,500 U.S. breweries are small and independent craft brewers. American Craft Beer Week, May 11-17, is a time to celebrate everything these breweries contribute to our country and culture, and to also celebrate the diversity of beer styles and brands available today,” stated Julia Herz, a spokesperson for the Brewers Association.

Small and independent craft brewers provide nearly 100,000 jobs, and in 2008 the total taxable barrels of beer produced by craft brewers was 8,596,971. Additionally, many craft brewers go to incredible lengths and great costs to lessen their impact on their surrounding environment and community. Representing 4.0 percent by volume and 6.3 percent in dollars of the overall beer market, consumer interest in the craft sector continues to grow, but not without challenges. According to the Brewers Association, the cost of operating a small brewery has increased over 39% November 2007 to November 2008.

 

And below is the mention that American Craft Beer Week received on the Stephen Colbert Show last year.

 

The Colbert ReportMon – Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
American Craft Beer Week
colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full EpisodesPolitical HumorGay Marriage

 

CSBA To Meet In San Diego May 19

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The California Small Brewers Association will be holding their bi-annual General Meeting Tuesday, May 19th at the Karl Strauss Brewery in San Diego, at the production facility at 5985 Santa Fe St., which is near the airport. The meeting is open to any and all craft brewers in California, whether you’re a member or not. Though if you’re not a member, I would urge you to consider joining. Sure, yeah, I know — money’s tight — but can you really afford not to be a member of an organization who’s looking out for your interests? Anyway, climbing down off my soap box. Come down and see what the CSBA is all about. Here’s a summary of what will be going on at the meeting:

The CSBA has lined up a great speaker lined with a very relevant topic: Marketing craft beer to women will be the topic presented by Ginger Johnson. This is NOT just about “selling” to women. Ginger talks in depth about how subtle enhancements to your tasting room, brewery tours, brewpub restaurants, brand graphics and your brand “message” can better embrace the woman consumer. This information is immediately useable and valuable for breweries and brewpubs of all sizes. As we grow our businesses, we compete with major beer brands, wine, spirits – and each other. But 50% of the drinking population is still almost untouched when it comes to beer: women. Please RSVP by this Friday if you plan to attend. Email tom.mccormick@probrewer.com to RSVP, and you must RSVP to attend.

 
Meeting Schedule:

 

  • 12:00-1:00 – Lunch ($10 members/$20 non-members)
  • 1:00-1:30 – Association Update with Tom McCormick, executive director CSBA
  • 1:30-2:15 – Legislative and Tax Threat Update by Chris Walker, lobbyist, CSBA
  • 2:15-2:30 – Break
  • 2:30-2:45 – “I am a Craft Brewer” Video Update by Greg Koch. Greg will give a brief update on the craft beer video “seen round the world.” Greg will let us know how many “views” the video has had and the future of this craft beer marketing piece.
  • 2:45-4:15 – Women Enjoying Beer by Ginger Johnson. Ginger will talk about authentically and accurately marketing craft beer to women. Not just “selling” to women, but how subtle enhancements to your tasting room, brewery tours, brewpub restaurants, brand graphics and your brand “message” can better embrace the woman consumer. This information is immediately usable and valuable for breweries and brewpubs of all sizes.
  • 4:30-6:00 – Beer Social (tours of the new bottling line and brewery expansion). Stick around and mingle with our sponsors and fellow brewers. Tour the new bottling line and brewery expansion.

 

Beer In Art #27: Mother’s Day Barmaid

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Since today is Mother’s Day, I thought I’d choose a work of art that featured at least a woman, though I can’t be sure she is a mother, though I think I’m safe in saying she has one, at least. Today’s work is an illustration presumably once used as part of an advertisement for a brewery. Its title is German Barmaid, which may have been merely descriptive since that’s the name written in pencil on the original lithograph.

 

Click on the image above for a larger, more detailed view.

The chromolithograph was done by Louis Prang & Co. from Boston around 1890. It’s part of a collection in the Boston Public Library, which thoughtfully they’ve put a number of their prints up on Flickr.

Some consider Prang to be the “Father of the Christmas Card,” such as this account from Suite 101 and this one from the Emotions Greeting Card Museum. He also co-founded the Dixon Ticonderoga Company, the ones that make the yellow pencils we all used in grade school.

If you want to learn more about the printer, Louis Prang, Wikipedia has a small summary. Also the Winterthur Library purports to have a number of Prang’s works but you have to travel to Delaware to see them. You can see some of his bird prints at The Art of the Print.

 

Charting Beer Factoids

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One of my favorite things about the internet is that one is constantly making new, unexpected discoveries whenever one fires up Google. You just never know what you’ll find, and since my mind works in tangents, references, and connections I can easily fritter away entire afternoons wandering about. Anyway, I stumbled across these charts at the graphic designer’s website who created them for SloshSpot last year. His name is Jess Bachman and they’re wonderful presentations of statistical information on beer consumption. SloshSpot used them last October for a post they called The Year in Beer: Beer Drinking in America by Volume. Bachman did a total of eight charts, three of which are shown below. The original captions are show in blockquotes. Here’s how Bachman describes the project:

Essentially it’s one point of data, the amount of beer consumed in the US annually, only it is envisioned in several different ways. Very large numbers are difficult to conceptualize and very large volumes, areas, and other measurements are even further out of the minds grasp. So this is an attempt to take this data point and play with it until the reader comes away with a better sense of the American appetite for this frothy brew.

You can see the rest either at Jess Bachman’s website or the original SloshSpot post. There are a couple of small errors (like malt is incorrectly listed as a “grain”) but it’s a pretty cool series of graphic design with great visuals to give an interesting perspective on the data.

 

Only China is has a greater thirst, but they also have an extra billion people’s thirst to quench so with only one fourth of the population, we certainly hold our own.

 

With moon-landing levels of public support, cooperation and diligence, we could get this lasting testament to the wonders of Beer created, and filled too. OK, still day dreaming here, but if you just wanted to visualize 30 teragrams of liquid, here you go. What’s a teragram? It’s a scientific way of saying “that’s fucking heavy!”

 

Speaking of the moon, where would a visualization attempt be without some reference to the distance to the moon? If its too big for “around the earth x times”‘ then its “to the moon and back x times”. Well this one was quite short of making it to our nearest neighbor, Mars, but this stack of cans tops out at a respectable 4.8 million miles of space. And just for you terrestrial types, that’s around the earth 185 times. But really, what a waste of beer.

 

Beer City USA

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all-america-city
A few weeks ago, Charlie Papazian, at his Beer Examiner blog, launched a poll in conjunction with the upcoming American Craft Beer Week to have people vote for their choice for Beer City USA. The results are now in:

beer-cities

The Top 10 Vote-Getters

  1. TIE: Portland, OR / Asheville, NC
  2. Philadelphia, PA
  3. San Diego, CA
  4. St. Louis. MO
  5. San Francisco/Oakland – Bay Area, CA
  6. Seattle, WA
  7. Denver, CO
  8. Portland, ME
  9. Milwaukee, WI
  10. Fort Collins, CO

It probably goes without saying that the results are hardly scientific, but that doesn’t render them meaningless. They do, I’d suggest, indicate which local communities care deeply about their local beer culture and also have a very well-developed online presence that is able to motivate that community to action. To further clarify, I mean both conditions have to exist, both pride and performance for a particular community to be high in the rankings.

The results were, I’m sorry to say, tainted somewhat by some early ballet-stuffing that somehow got around the one vote protocol in the polling software. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that quite a bit of it came from the Bay Area, after all this is Silicon Valley. But I was shocked all the same, and not a little embarrassed that some bad apples in my region thought cheating was the way to win, not that we were the only ones. I commend Charlie for putting a stop to that early on and decisively. I suspect that some votes that were legitimate probably didn’t get through or were discarded, but that’s what happens when you try to game the system. But I still can’t shake those lingering feelings that cast a shadow on the efficacy of the results, despite the good intentions of all the parties involved.

Still, despite that, it was a fun idea and very interesting to see which communities stepped up with swelling pride for their own local beer scenes. Congratulations to all the winners, but I’d say we’re all winners to have so many great beer destinations around the country. That wasn’t true as recently as two decades ago, maybe less. We’ve come a long way, baby.

But maybe we shouldn’t stop there. Remember all the “All-American Cities” that the National Civic League has been declaring since the 1950s? Actually 1949 was the first year the award was given to ten American communities and they’ve continued to do so each year since. “The award is the oldest community recognition program in the nation and recognizes communities whose citizens work together to identify and tackle community-wide challenges and achieve uncommon results. Since the program’s inception in 1949, more than 4,000 communities have competed and over 500 have been named All-America Cities.” Winning cities get to put up the sign below at the entrance to their community.

all-america-city

So here’s what I’m thinking. It’s a pie-in-the-sky idea, but what the hell. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. How cool would it be if there was an organization like a “National Beer Community League” that each year accepted nominations from communities who believed they were worthy of the title “Beer City USA”? There would have to be some criteria like breweries, brewpub and defined “good beer bars” per capita, the number of local festivals, beer dinners and other events, and things like that. Then maybe five communities each year get the “Beer City USA” award and are allowed to put a sign like this up.

beer-city

Next Session: Thinking and Drinking Globally

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Brian Yaeger, from Red, White & Brew, will be hosting next month’s Session and he’s announced his topic, which will be Think/Drink Globally.

In honor of Global Craft Beer Forever, I propose everyone writes about the farthest brewery (including brewpubs) you have visited and specifically the best beer you had there. Again, not your favorite or any old brewery you’ve been to, but the one that is the longest haul away, be it by airplane, car, ferry, rickshaw, whatever. (If you blog about beer but have never been to a House of Brewing, get on it!)

Then, the last part, since this exercise gives us an excuse to drink beer, do one of the following:

  1. if you brought home a bottle while visiting the brewery and have it secreted away, crack it open.
  2. if you don’t have any left from that visit but the particular beer is available where you live (or if not your fave from said brewery, another brand from it), go get one.
  3. otherwise, find a local beer of the same style and do a little compare and contrast.

Time to log into Google Maps and figure out which place I’ve visited is farthest from home, though I’m betting New Zealand is probably the winner. See you on D-Day, June 6th.

 

The PNC Beer Dinner 2009

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After the day brewing Publication, a beer dinner was held Monday night right in Russian River’s barrel room for the Publican National Committee, whose members include Brouwer’s, The Falling Rock, The Horse Brass, Monk’s Cafe, and the Toronado. Sean “Zane” Paxton cooked another of his fabulous 12-course monstrosities for about 24 people. The beer dinner began about 7:00 p.m. and finished up roughly six-and-a-half hours later at 1:30 a.m. In between there was much merriment, many beers, barrel tasting and delectable food. You can see the entire beer dinner unfold, in three parts, including video, by starting at Part 1 in the photo gallery.

The PNC Beer Dinner in the Russian River Barrel Room.

 

For many more photos from the 12-course beer dinner held in the barrel room of Russian River Brewery, start with Part 1 (of 3) at the photo gallery.
 

Russian River’s Newest Beer: Publication

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Yesterday, the members of the Publican National Committee, consisting of Brouwer’s, The Falling Rock, The Horse Brass, Monk’s Cafe, and the Toronado, assembled at Russian River Brewing’s production facility to brew a collaborative beer to be sold exclusively at member pubs. The new beer will be called Publication, and will be an 8% a.b.v. Saison.
 

Brewing at Russian River, from left: Dave Keene (Toronado), Chris Black (Falling Rock), Vinnie Cilurzo (Russian River Brewing), Matt Bonney and Matt Vandenberghe (Brouwer’s Cafe). [not pictured; Tom Peters (Monk’s Cafe) and Don Younger (Horse Brass)]

 

For more photos from the brew day at Russian River Brewing, visit the photo gallery.
 

UPDATE: I recently bought a MinoHD Flip Camera and have started playing around with it. I’ve now added two short videos from the brew day to the gallery.

 

Top Ten Tuesday: Top 10 Most Influential Beer People

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This week’s Time magazine is a special double issue featuring The Time 100: The World’s Most Influential People.

time-100-09

So that got me thinking about my 15th Top 10 list, and the fact that there are no beer people in Time’s Top 100, not that I necessarily think there should be. In Time’s list, everybody listed is still alive, but I didn’t feel the need to limit myself. They also chose from the entire world of human endeavor, from Leaders & Revolutionaries, Heroes & Icons to Scientists & Thinkers. In our rarefied beer world, certainly there are people who have had more influence than others, but I’ll just concern myself with people whose work changed our perceptions of beer and allowed the ball to be moved forward, so to speak.

So here is my list of the ten most influential people in the craft beer world, who have helped shape the world of beer as it looks today. And by craft beer world, I’m talking primarily about the American market, without trying to ignore the rest of the world, that’s just the world I inhabit and know best. Without their assistance it’s quite possible the state of beer today would look very different, and possibly might not exist at all, who knows. There are probably a few pioneers from the very early days that I’m forgetting, but these are the ones I remember. I’d love to hear your choices or who you think I left out that I shouldn’t have. Anyway, here’s List #15:

Top 10 Influential Beer People

TIE: Stephen Beaumont & Garrett Oliver Besides being a terrifically talented brewer, and an early and prodigious collaborator, perhaps Garrett’s biggest contribution to craft beer is his championing beer and food together. Through seminars, tastings, beer dinners and the publication of his magnum opus, The Brewmaster’s Table, he forever changed the way people view beer’s relationship to food. But Stephen has also been writing about food and beer for nearly two decades and spread that message in such mainstream publications as Saveur, Wine Enthusiast and Playboy. He’s also worked behind the scenes training staff at restaurants and bars to be more beer knowledgeable.
Fred Eckhardt Through hs support of homebrewing and the publication of The Elements of Style in 1989, Fred inspired a countless number of amateur and commercial brewers, plus he pioneered the idea of pairing beer and chocolate together.
Pierre Celis Belgium’s brewing rock star. Pierre single-handedly revived a dead style when he began brewing Hoegaarden again in the 1960s. Even in a country known for iconoclastic brewers, Pierre Celis stood out among giants, whether brewing in Austin, Texas or aging beer in caves.
Jim Koch The consummate marketeer, who could have predicted a decade ago that Koch’s beer company would today be the biggest American-owned brewery, a remarkable achievement in twenty-five years.
Ken Grossman Though not the first brewery to use Cascade hops, Sierra Nevada took their signature aromas and flavors and built an empire on Pale Ale, Barley Wine and Celebration. They’ve also made countless technical innovations, been very supportive of the craft beer community at large and managed to grow larger while retaining a small company outlook.
Bert Grant Grant opened the nation’s first brewpub in the heart of hop country and challenged consumers with some of the first unfamiliar beer styles.
Jack McAuliffe Jack was undoubtedly a man ahead of his time, opening the country’s first modern microbrewery in 1977. Even though New Albion only lasted until 1983, its influence was very important to many of the very first microbreweries that started in the early 1980s.
Charlie Papazian Besides inspiring a homebrewing explosion with the publication of his Joy of Homebrewing, Charlie founded the American Homebrewers Association, the Institute of Brewing Studies and the Association of Brewers, which today as the Brewers Association is the largest existing trade group for breweries.
Fritz Maytag When he bought the ailing Anchor Brewery in 1965, Fritz could not have foresaw the revolution he helped usher in. All he wanted to do was save his favorite beer. But after several years studying English breweries, Anchor debuted some of the first examples of styles in the U.S. and even helped save certain styles from extinction. With Liberty Ale, Old Foghorn, Porter, Our Special Ale coming in rapid succession in the 1970s, Fritz Maytag truly is the Godfather of Craft Beer.
Michael Jackson People tend to ignore or forget Michael’s early influence on craft brewing in America, but it’s worth remembering that he helped redefine the very notion of beer styles, tirelessly championed the new microbreweries and lent them legitimacy when few took them seriously, not to mention the countless burgeoning better beer fans he reached through his writing.

time-100-beer

As is always the case, it was pretty hard to keep the list to ten, and a great many wonderful people just missed being on the list. Here’s a few more that would have made the list had it been longer:

Todd & Jason Alstrom, Tomme Arthur, Judy Ashworth, Charlie Bamforth, Don Barkley, Fred Bowman, Bill Brand, Matt Brynildson, Lew Bryson, Daniel Bradford, Sam Calagione, Dan Carey, Vinnie Cilurzo, Tom Dalldorf, Ray Daniels, Alan Eames, Charles Finkel, George Fix, Paul Hadfield, Pat Hagerman, Stan Hieronymus, John Hickenlooper, Greg Koch, Michael Lewis, F.X. Matt, Bill Owens, Roger Protz, Mark Silva, Pete Slosberg, and Carol Stoudt

Let me know who you think deserves to be on the list, and why.

Also, if you have any ideas for future Top 10 lists you’d like to see, drop me a line.