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Jay R. Brooks on Beer

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“Whassup” in Hebrew

October 14, 2006 By Jay Brooks

I’ve never been a fan of the big brewer’s television commercials, but occasionally they can be funny if you set aside the long-term damage I think the ads have done to beer’s image. Many of the ads have been popular enough to enter the public conciousness. One such ad was the Budweiser “Whassup” campaign of several years ago. Stephen Beaumont sent me this hilarious parody of the whassup ad with several rabbis yelling “shalom” excitedly to one another.

UPDATE: A friend of mine objected to this parody as vulgar, rude and stereotypical, and suggested that Stephen and I were above finding the same funny. Taken aback, I did a little research into who created this mockery and it was done by David Berenbaum, a Jewish scriptwriter for Neurotrash.com (which no longer exists). TV Adland has some additional info about the spoof. Berenbaum also wrote the Will Ferell movie Elf and Disney’s The Haunted Mansion. I’m not sure my own personal Anti-Defamation League should be picking on me for laughing at it.

Filed Under: Just For Fun Tagged With: Humor

James Bond’s Beer

October 12, 2006 By Jay Brooks

007-1
I’ve been a huge fan of James Bond since I was a kid. I read all of Ian Fleming’s novels and even the later ones when John Gardner took over the series, among others. And, of course, I’ve seen all of the films many times. Not only am I aware that Sean Connery was not the first James Bond — it was an American, Barry Nelson — I’ve had a videotape of the show for decades. It was originally aired as a teleplay on live television in 1954 (eight years before Sean Connery debuted as James Bond in 1962’s Dr. No) on the show “Climax!.” It was based on Fleming’s novel Casino Royale and Peter Lorre played the villain, Le Chiffre. Suffice it to say I’m a big fan.

So when I read that in the new adaptation of Casino Royale (due in theaters November 17) Bond will drink a Heineken in a six-figure cross-promotion, I must say my first reaction was suspicion. Suspicion because every single time this story was reported it contained a justification for this move, saying that in Fleming’s novel his character James Bond does drink beer for the first and only time. If they want to have Heineken be a sponsor for the film and have the character drink one, that’s their decision even though I really hate these type of deals where products are featured prominently in films for big bucks. To me the insertion of the products into the action is way too obvious so that it distracts you from what makes movies so enjoyable, which is allowing you to escape into the story. It’s hard to feel swept away into a story when a giant bus drives by behind the action with a billboard reading “Drink Coke” every time the characters are walking outdoors. And in Pierce Brosnan’s second film as James Bond, Tomorrow Never Dies, during a “rooftop motorcycle chase in Saigon, Bond returns the bike to street level by using a parked truck which carries cases of Heineken beer as a ramp. Cans fly in every direction. Several kegs of Heineken are seen when the motorcycle briefly skids.” The Amsterdam brewer’s relationship with the Bond films has thus been going on for some time now, so it’s really no surprise that they’d want to crank it up a notch for the new movie.

But trying to justify such a greedy, commercial intrusion by saying it will make the film more accurate since the news stories all claim Bond did drink a beer in the novel seems to me avarice run amuck. A common element all of these news stories shared was that while they all claimed that Bond drank beer in Fleming’s Casino Royale novel, not one of them gave any specifics. For example, in Dowd on Drinks, by William M. Dowd, he writes the following:

In the first Bond novel, “Casino Royale,” the character who became known for his knowledge and enjoyment of wines and spirits actually drank beer. (Pause here for startled gasps by those reading this sacrilege for the first time.)

How opprobrious. “Startled gasps? Sacrilege?” Now why someone who knows and enjoys wine and spirits also drinking beer would be a sacrilege is never explained, perhaps Dowd thinks it self-evident. But it’s highly insulting and it displays that media prejudice I’m always going on about. Here’s another drinks writer who apparently thinks all beer is bad and all wine (and spirits) are good. Must be nice to live in such a black and white world in which reality has no place in your version of things.

Another account, this one from the Hearst Group, said “[i]n the first Bond novel, Casino Royale, the super spy who became known for his knowledge and enjoyment of wines and spirits actually (my emphasis) drank beer.” Oh, he actually drank beer, he didn’t pretend to drink it, or he didn’t just order but actually choked it down, too. What on earth is wrong with these people? Can they not see how ignorant they appear?

The reason, of course, they’re falling all over themselves to justify this move is obvious. The vodka martini, shaken not stirred, is part of the Bond ethos, a big part of his coolness, his personality and his popularity. So tampering with that is obviously risky but since there’s a lot of money at stake, they will do anything to keep the money without losing the fans. So by saying Bond actually did have a beer in the book makes it much easier to sell, as many of the reports have offered. For example, here’s how one wire service put it.

James Bond purists will be grateful to know that the beer plot is not just a money grab by the movie’s makers. Casino Royale was the first Bond book written by Ian Fleming and the only one in which Bond drinks beer.

So then the real question is, is it true? Did Bond drink a beer in the novel Casino Royale? I grabbed my dog-eared copy of Casino Royale from the attic in search of the answer and read it again, because it had been years since I’d cracked it open although I certainly couldn’t remember any reference to beer. I still have my old “complete and unabridged” Signet paperback that was in my parents house growing up. It’s a sixth printing from October 1962. Here’s what I found.

  1. In Chapter 5, on page 30, Bond orders his first drink in the book, an Americano. An Americano is a cocktail made with bitters, sweet vermouth, and soda water.
  2. In Chapter 7, on page 40, Bond orders C.I.A. man Felix Leiter a “Haig-and-Haig” (which is scotch whisky) and himself a “A dry martini” … “One. In a deep champagne goblet.” Then he gives the bartender more detailed instructions on how to make it. “Three measures of Gordon’s, one of vodka, half a measure of Kina Lillet. Shake it very well until it’s ice-cold, then add a large thin slice of lemon-peel.” Have I stumbled upon the origin of Bond’s famous “shaken not stirred” predilection? Bond tells Leiter that the drink is his “own invention” and that he plans “to patent it when [he] can think of a good name” demonstrating there are some subjects on which Bond is quite ignorant, patent law for example.
  3. In Chapter 8, on page 46, Bond shared a “cold carafe of vodka, very cold” with fellow agent and Bond girl “Vesper Lynd.”
  4. Later in the same chapter, on pages 47-48, Bond orders a bottle of champagne, a “Taittinger 45” but the waiter persuades him that the “Brut Blanc de Blanc 1943” would be better and Bond agrees.
  5. After long expositions about playing baccarat, Bond returns to drinking finally in Chapter 13, on page 75, when he ordered a bottle of champagne for himself and Felix Leiter to celebrate his victory at cards.
  6. Then in Chapter 14, at page 78, Bond orders another bottle of champagne, this time Veuve Cliquot, to have with his scrambled eggs and bacon, which he shared with Vesper.
  7. Shortly after that, Vesper is abducted and Bond gives chase, getting captured and tortured in the process. For many pages nothing is drunk, as Bond can’t even get a drink of water from his torturers. Eventually he gets away and after recovering in the hospital, goes on a holiday on the French coast with Vesper. In Chapter 24, on page 129, she and Bond share yet another bottle of champagne which he chased a page later with some brandy.
  8. Finally, in the second last chapter, number 26 on page 138, they share a final bottle of champagne before the story concludes unexpectedly (and I won’t give away the ending).

So unless I missed it somehow, there’s not one mention of beer in the novel I can find, much less a scene in which Bond actually drinks one. I skimmed through the book many times before resorting to re-reading the whole thing cover to cover trying to be thorough and not miss finding a bottle in a haystack. It was an awful lot of trouble just to prove a point. (The wonderful website Make mine a 007 also details the drinks Bond has in Casino Royale and reaches the same conclusion). So the propaganda spin machine is in high gear and not one news organization bothered to check the facts or even ask where in the novel Bond drinks this seminal beer that apparently makes crass commercialism justifiable. They all just reported what the press release said and didn’t question a thing, even though a moment’s pause should have been enough to suggest it might be too convenient. What are the odds that the story they were re-making just happened to be the only James Bond novel in which the main character drinks a beer as Heineken was paying them an undisclosed six-figure amount to depict him doing just that. Not one reporter considered exploring that angle? It’s good to know our nation’s media is the hands of such a capable, inquisitive bunch.

But let’s look at the story’s other claim, that Casino Royale is the one and only novel in which Bond chooses beer.

  • In Diamonds Are Forever, Fleming’s fourth Bond novel, 007 takes Bill Tanner to lunch at Scotts where he orders a Black Velvet, which is a mixed pint of champagne and Guinness.
  • Later in the same novel, while driving to Saratoga with C.I.A. compatriot Felix Leiter, they stop at roadside greasy spoon called “Chicken in a Basket” where Leiter and Bond have Miller High Life with their lunch.
  • In Goldfinger, the seventh novel, while chasing the villian through Europe, Bond washed down his lunch at Geneva’s Bavaria brasserie with Löwenbräu beer.
  • In The Hildebrand Rarity, one of the short stories in the collection published under the title For Your Eyes Only, after circling an island in a boat Bond stops for a chicken salad sandwich and a “cold beer” from a cooler. This story first appeared in Playboy magazine in 1960.
  • In On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, the 11th novel (excluding the short stories), Bond has four steins of Franziskaner at the Franziskaner Keller with his taxi driver to celebrate his engagement to Tracy. It is in effect his bachelor party and when he’s reunited with his fiancee, she accuses him of smelling “like a pig of beer and sausages.”
  • In The Man With the Golden Gun, Fleming’s 13th novel, while searching for Scaramanga, Bond orders a Red Stripe in the Dreamland Cafe and has two more before he leaves.
  • In The Living Daylights, part of a second short story collection, this one published under the title Octopussy and the Living Daylights, Bond has a lunch of salted herring and two draft Löwenbräus.

That’s a total of seven instances where James Bond has a beer in six different Fleming stories (four novels and two short stories). So not only does Bond not have a beer in Casino Royale, it was also not the only instance of his doing so as virtually all of the recent news stories have claimed. And lest you think they can weasel their way out of this lie by claiming they meant the Bond films, Bond has also had beer on screen before, too. In the film On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, after escaping from Piz Gloria, Bond orders and drinks a beer from an outdoor stand while trying to blend into the crowd. So at every level, the moneyed interests of the film production company and the beer sponsor, with the media’s complicity, is simply rewriting history to fit their short term goals of having Bond drink a Heineken for money in the latest film.

Propaganda aside, I’m certainly in favor of James Bond drinking beer. If they’re trying to re-invent (or reboot) James Bond — which is my understanding of what the new film represents — it makes sense that a modern Bond would have embraced good beer along with the other pleasures of life today. That would be in keeping with the character’s philosophy. Undoubtedly one of the reasons that Bond was not a beer drinker in 1953 and beyond, when Fleming began writing the Bond novels, was that there were not many good beers widely available worldwide and what was available was not often written about. Remember Michael Jackson’s first beer book wasn’t published until 1977. And American wines were held in no better regard during that time period, either. So keeping Bond’s tastes and preferences rooted in a time fifty years ago, when the diversity and quality of alcohol beverages was vastly different than it is today, doesn’t make sense anymore, if indeed it ever did.

But Heineken? Not Heineken. Bond’s character would never drink such swill. He wouldn’t be a snob about wine, food, clothes, cars and practically everything else and then drink such a pedestrian beer. In fact, in the novel Casino Royale, in Chapter 8, just after ordering champagne, Bond makes the following pronouncement:

“You must forgive me,” he said. “I take a ridiculous pleasure in what I eat and drink. It comes partly from being a bachelor, but mostly from a habit of taking a lot of trouble over details. It’s very pernickety and old-maidish really, but then when I’m working I generally have to eat my meals alone and it makes them more interesting when one takes trouble.”

So there is absolutely no way someone who would say that would turn around and order a skunked green-bottle of Heineken. Maybe a Thomas Hardy 1968, a Samuel Adams Utopias, a Deus, or a Cantillon Rose de Gambrinus. He’d more likely order something showy, expensive and impressive; something that showed he had good taste. And that would never be a Heineken. Often Bond orders local specialties in the novels and films, and Casino Royale takes place in northern France. The fictional resort town where most of the novel takes place is supposedly near the mouth of the Somme River in the Picardie region, which is only about two hours from Belgium. So while France is not known for its beers, a good selection of Belgian beers would likely be available at the casino and area restaurants. That’s what a beer savvy Bond would order.

The way I see it, this is simply a money grab despite — or perhaps because of — all of the protestations that it’s not. As entertainment news goes, this seems to be important to a lot of fans, which is no doubt why the spin was necessary in the first place. The story was certainly picked up by a lot of news outlets, both in print and online. That not one I could find got the story right but did the spin doctor’s bidding so completely says quite a lot about the state of our media, I think. Sure, in the end, who cares if a film and the media hoodwinked people into thinking one thing while another was true? It doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of life. It is, after all, just a movie. And while that all may be true, I can’t help but think that in a media culture where the truth seems to have no bearing in editorial decisions that lying to the public about something that really does matter is getting easier and easier to do. Because if the media can lie to the public so unabashedly here, what else are we being lied to about? What else are we not being told? What else is the media not bothering to check or follow up on? And most importantly, when will they start taking beer seriously?

For trivia’s sake, there was also a Bond beer once upon a time. In 1968, there was “James Bond’s 007 Special Blend,” brewed by National Brewing Co. of Baltimore, Maryland. They’re highly collectible because they were produced for only a short time, which was due to having never been officially licensed.

007-3

“A subtle blend of premium beer and malt liquor.” Umm, what will they think of next?

007-cans

Filed Under: Editorial, Just For Fun, News Tagged With: Business, Cans, Film, Mainstream Coverage

Jesus Was a Homebrewer

September 15, 2006 By Jay Brooks

jesus-drinks-beer
Many people think that Jesus may have been a homebrewer. I have heard that when the Greeks first translated the bible from ancient Hebrew, that they lacked a word for beer and thus substituted the Greek word for wine in its place, perhaps thinking what difference would it make, an alcoholic drink is an alcoholic drink. I’m not sure this is directly on point, but the article Beer, Barley and [Hebrew symbols] in the Hebrew Bible certainly shows that this would have been quite possible and that there is some confusion about translations of this type for centuries.

So when Jesus turned the water into wine (in the Gospel of John 2:1-11), perhaps he was simply a homebrewer and making beer for the wedding party. It certainly seems more plausible to take vats of water and make beer out them than magically turn one liquid into a completely different one. It’s my understanding that the priests of the day would have been the ones who possessed the knowledge of how to make ancient beer so it follows that Jesus would have known this ancient art, as well. That’s probably why Jamie Floyd’s new Ninkasi Brewing in Eugene, Oregon has “Jesus Was a Homebrewer” printed on the back of his brewery t-shirts. And no less a beer luminary than Michael Jackson has also ruminated on this subject.

But while I’m very open to this possibility and believe it makes far more sense than the conventional story, I gather that many people of a more religious bearing than myself do not look upon this debate with anything but contempt. My understanding of fundamentalism is that many adherents refuse to entertain the idea that mistranslations may have occurred because they believe the translators themselves were divinely inspired and somehow led by the hand of god in their work. Whatever your own take on this theory, it follows that religion and beer are generally not fast friends, notwithstanding many christians do enjoy a pint from time to time. So I was mildly amused when I saw the new ad campaign for this year’s holiday season by the Churches Advertising Network (or CAN), an English group whose mission, in their own words, is to be “an independent, ecumenical group of Christian communicators which exists to provide high quality national Christian advertising campaigns, especially around major festivals, and to provide the means for local churches to share in and receive the benefit of such national campaigns.”

Apparently each year, CAN creates an ad campaign around Christmas to try to bring people back into the fold. “Previous CAN campaigns include a poster depicting Jesus as the revolutionary leader Che Guevara and one suggesting Mary was having a “bad hair day” when she discovered she was pregnant.”

This year’s campaign features a pint glass with the image of Jesus in the Brussels lace stuck to the side of the empty glass and a MySpace.com website for Jesus. CAN chairman Francis Goodwin said he hoped the poster and accompanying radio adverts would spark a debate about religion.

“The message is subtle but simple – where is God in all the boozing at Christmas?” said Goodwin.

“For many, Christmas is just drinking and partying and God is excluded, yet many young people are interested in finding deeper meaning and exploring faith.”

The poster is a nod to the occasional discoveries of holy images in everyday objects, from the face of Jesus in a frying pan, toast or fish finger, his mother Mary on a toasted cheese sandwich and even Mother Teresa in a sticky bun.

jesus-beer-poster

According to the group’s literature, here is their take on this image:

This year’s poster picks up on the current media preoccupation with finding images of Jesus in everything from egg yolks to currant buns. Next to an empty beer glass in which a face can be seen are the words “Where will you find him?” and pointing to the web address myspace.com/isthisjesus.

The poster aims to provoke thought and debate about where and how people find God. The myspace.com webspace will include a link to the rejesus website, which has creative features and reliable information on the Christian faith. Rejesus is supported by all the mainstream UK churches.

So why the image of an empty beer glass? Francis Goodwin, Chair of the Churches Advertising Network (CAN) says: “The message is subtle, but simple: where is God in all the boozing at Christmas? For many, Christmas is about drinking and partying, and God is excluded. Yet many young people are interested in finding deeper meaning and exploring faith. We hope the link to myspace.com will offer a fresh venue for them to discuss their feelings and debate the issues.”

Richard Johnston and Mark Gilmore, who produced the poster at Radioville, the ad agency for the campaign, say…

“We took the traditional silly-season news story in which people find images of Jesus in the side of trees, in a slice of toast or even within the bubbles of cheese on a pizza, and developed a number of new images showing Jesus’ face in unexpected places. Because of the season, CAN chose the beerglass route, where Jesus’ face is captured in the froth running down the side of an empty pint glass. The responses expected on myspace.com when the campaign launches should be quite illuminating.”

Yes, they should be quite “illuminating.” It will quite interesting to see what people say about this. I can’t imagine many American fanatics being very happy about this since so many neo-prohibitionists are also highly religious. One bit of unintentional humor is that when you visit the MySpace page, Jesus has “0” friends. Jesus has no friends? I’m sure that will change shortly, but for now I feel kinda bad for him. Perhaps I should buy him a beer.

Filed Under: Just For Fun, News Tagged With: Europe, Great Britain, International, Strange But True

Hell for Certain: A Beer … and a Town

September 6, 2006 By Jay Brooks

Bluegrass Brewing’s beer, Hell for Certain, has been out before but something caught my eye in a short article about it’s impending re-release (perhaps seasonally) in the Louisville, Kentucky Courier-Journal. It seems the Belgian-style ale is named for an actual town in Leslie County, Kentucky whose name really is “Hell for Certain.” If you were born there, would you assume you were damned from the get go? Are there many churches there? How would you explain to people that you were born in hell? Ah, the possibilities are endless.
 

Filed Under: Just For Fun Tagged With: Seasonal Release, Southern States, Strange But True

Cans vs. Kegs

September 6, 2006 By Jay Brooks

Okay, to me kegs are cans, just really big ones, so comparing them seems a little strange. But seriously, an article in today’s Baltimore Sun takes on the topic of football game tailgating and which beer works better, canned or kegged. Boy I miss H.L. Mencken.

The story details tailgating at Baltimore Ravens games and to answer the “kegs vs. cans” inquiry does some blind tasting using some frankly questionable methods. But, oh well, the beers chosen aren’t exactly my favorites though happily Bitburger does come out on top over the corn-fed Yuengling Lager. Though to be fair, among light indistrial lagers and related styles, Yuengling makes some reasonably decent beers.

But it’s his conclusion that had me laughing, in a good way:

I now think of canned beer as the equivalent of a wide receiver. It is mobile, easy to carry and, when poured in the glass, packs more taste wallop than expected. Keg beer is like a lineman. It has substantial body. It has to keep cold to perform well. But once it has iced down and assumed its spot in the middle of the action, it can not be moved until it is drained.

Filed Under: Just For Fun, News Tagged With: Eastern States, Mainstream Coverage

Are You Ready for Some Football?

August 31, 2006 By Jay Brooks

Every year I’m a nut for fantasy football. I don’t know why, exactly, but it’s a guilty pleasure. Usually I just pester friends to play, but this year I figured I’d invite everyone to play. This game is called “Survival Football” and it couldn’t be easier or less time-consuming. Each week, you just pick one team to win. If that team wins their game, you survive and advance to the next week. If they lose, you’re out for the season. The winner is the one who’s left standing at (or before) the end of the season with no wrong picks. The only catch is that you can pick each team only one time throughout the season.

You need a Yahoo ID to play (they’re free) and the game is limited by Yahoo to fifty players. Simply follow the instructions below if you want to play along. But make sure you don’t forget to pick a team one week or you’re out just as surely as if you picked a loser.

Since I potentially won’t know all of you playing, please choose a team name that starts with your last (or first) name and ends with something to do with beer, since that’s why we’re all here. For example, if your name is Smith then you could pick a team name like the “Smith Stouts,” “Smith’s Spent Grain” or something like that.

In order to play, just go to Survival Football, click the “Sign Up” button and choose to “Join an Existing Group”, then “Join a Private Group”. Then, when prompted, enter the following information…

Group ID#: 14773
Password: craftbeer

Yahoo will send you a confirmation with further details once you have completed the registration process.

— Survival Football Commissioner
http://football.fantasysports.yahoo.com/survival

Filed Under: Just For Fun

A Little California Brewing History

August 24, 2006 By Jay Brooks

Yesterday I took the kids to the California State Railroad Museum, which is in Sacramento. My son Porter is obsessed with trains and he’d been wanting to go there since he’d seen it in one of the many train videos he watches over and over again. We had lunch in a converted train depot across the street from the museum in a part of town known as Old Sacramento. It too, was a little slice of history, and had some very interesting old beer bottles on some shelves behind the counter.

  1. The first one is from the Swan Brewery, Brewers & Bottlers, which operated in San Francisco for a very short time, from 1878-1880, on 15th and Dolores Streets. It had a cork top with a wire loop, similar to a Champagne bottle an the two examples they had both still had liquid in them.
  2. Next is Buffalo Brand Lager Beer from the Buffalo Brewing Co. in Sacramento. The Buffalo Brewery lasted a bit longer, and was in business from 1890 until finally closing in 1949. It was located between 21st and 22nd Streets, but had three different new owners beginning in 1897, when it became part of Sacramento Brewing Co. (which itself was known by several names from 1859-1920). After prohibition, it reopened in 1934 and apparently was independent again but then was taken over once more by Grace Brothers Brewing Co. of Santa Rosa in 1942. The 11 oz. bottle was already empty.
  3. This last bottle is more part of the brewery industry’s recent past but I can’t actually ever recall having seen this bottle of Pete’s before. According to the neck label, it was brewed by August Schell Brewery, which is still in business in Minnesota. Perhaps Pete himself can step in and let us know more about this one.

Of course, I wasn’t expecting a history lesson yesterday, but you never know when something beer-related and interesting is going to present itself.

Filed Under: Just For Fun Tagged With: California, Northern California, San Francisco

Your Beer Personality

August 20, 2006 By Jay Brooks

I enjoy personality quizzes, actually quizzes of almost any kind, so I’m not necessarily predisposed to find fault with them. But this one is another story. There’s a website called Blogthings that has literally almost 300 quizzes for people to use on their blogs, presuambly to spice them up with something fun. Most are five questions with several choices each. Their tagline is Cool Things to Put In Your Blog.

A friend sent me this one, it’s “What’s Your Beer Personality?” Five questions, six possible answers to each one, and it purports to tell you your beer personality by determining what beer you are based on your answers. There are 7,775 different possible ways to answer the five questions but as far as I can tell from playing around with the quiz, there are only six different personalities possible: Bud Light, Guinness, Heineken, Olde English and Sam Adams.

I realize this things are just for fun, they’re not meant to be taken too seriously. But it seems to me they should bear at least some passing resemblence to reality. Whoever put this quiz together apparently knows nothing about beer and thinks there are only six personality types. I certainly wasn’t expecting a Westmalle Tripel personality or Rodenbach Grand Cru but not even a Sierra Nevada Pale Ale? And the beers don’t really seem to fit the personalities, but they do say a lot about stereotypes many people have about beer and what certain brands mean or have come to mean through marketing and advertising.
 

Here are the 6 beer personalities:

You’re not fussy when it comes to beer. If someone hands it to you, you’ll drink it. In fact, you don’t understand beer snobbery at all. It all tastes the same once you’re drunk! You’re an enthusiastic drinker, and you can often be found at your neighborhood bar. You’re pretty good at holding your liquor too – you’ve had lots of experience.

Okay, this one’s near the mark. If you’ll drink this beer, you will drink anything and not notice the difference. It all tastes the same, even if you’re not drunk.

You don’t drink for the love of beer. You drink to get drunk. You prefer a very light, very smooth beer. A beer that’s hardly a beer at all. And while you make not like the taste of beer, you like the feeling of being drunk. You drink early and often. Sometimes with friends. Sometimes alone. All the party needs is you!

How could you, at least not if this is your choice. “Hardly a beer at all.” Hilarious. Corona was the answer to the question “what is your least favorite beer?” when posed to Michael Jackson when he was a guest on the Conan O’Brien Show in April of this year.

You know beer well, and you’ll only drink the best beers in the world. Watered down beers disgust you, as do the people who drink them. When you drink, you tend to become a bit of a know it all – especially about subjects you don’t know well. But your friends tolerate your drunken ways, because you introduce them to the best beers around.

This was the one I got when I answered the questions seriously, and it’s pretty sad that in the mind of the quiz, this is one the best beers the world has to offer. Which of the at least eleven different recipes of Guinness brewed worldwide are they talking about? Hopefully not that abomination that Diageo foisted on America, the widget bottle, which tried to undo decades of progress by marketing it to be consumed directly from the bottle. It’s also funny that they claim Guinness drinkers don’t like their beer watered down, since Guinness is a low alcohol beer and not heavy at all.

You appreciate a good beer, but you’re not a snob about it. You like your beer mild and easy to drink, so you can concentrate on being drunk. Overall, you’re a friendly drunk who’s likely to buy a whole round for your friends… many times. Sometimes you can be a bit boring when you drink. You may be prone to go on about topics no one cares about.

This is a bit surprising, since all of Heineken’s advertising is aimed at creating a perception of sophistication and premium quality, despite the fact of its legendary skunkiness. This, along with Corona, is one of the world’s worst beers. That it’s so popular is a testament to the advertising industry. That it is a personality is truly frightening.

Drinking is more than a hobby for you. It’s your favorite drug. When you drink, you want to get wasted. As quickly and cheaply as possible. Looking back on your best times drinking… well, you don’t remember them at all. You may be a few brain cells short, but you still can chug a 40!

This one’s just too easy. I guess there must really be people like this. Malt liquor does sell, after all.

You’re fairly easy to please when it comes to beer – as long as it’s not too cheap. You tend to change favorite beers frequently, and you’re the type most likely to take a “beers of the world” tour. When you get drunk, you’re fearless. You lose all your inhibitions. You’re just as likely to party with a group of strangers as you are to wake up in a very foreign place.

This one doesn’t even make much sense to me. It’s not like Sam Adams beer is expensive. And frankly, why is a “‘beers of the world’ tour” a bad thing? Or changing your choice of beer? As the only beer personality in the canon approaching craft beer, I can’t understand why it’s not the pinnacle.

Alright, I know this whole thing is pretty silly, but it was a quiet Sunday. Don’t take my word for it. Take the quiz for yourself. See what your beer personality is.

Filed Under: Editorial, Just For Fun

Icons of England: The Pub and a Pint

August 10, 2006 By Jay Brooks

I’ve always been fascinated by symbols, so I was immediately drawn to the Icons of England Project, a project to identify and select the symbols that are instantly recognizable as being a part of England and England’s heritage. Throughout the course of 2006, people are invited to nominate icons for England and they will be chosen in four waves, three of which have already been selected. That quintessentially English establishment, the Pub was selected earlier this year, along with such other stalwarts as tea, Big Ben, the FA Cup, the miniskirt and Alice in Wonderland. The third wave was just announced and it included a Pint, along with the perfect pairing of pub food, Fish & Chips. The latest wave also included Monty Python, bowler hats, Robin Hood and the OED. A total of 53 icons have been chosen so far with one more round of icons to be selected. A staggering 667 nominations have been made online and my favorites so far are cheddar cheese, cider, James Bond, real ale, the red phone box, shepherd’s pie, the tube map, and Wallace and Gromit. What great fun.
 

Two of the Icons of England, the pub and a pint.

Filed Under: Just For Fun, News Tagged With: Europe, Great Britain

Pete’s Joke of the Week

August 6, 2006 By Jay Brooks

I got another funny joke from my friend Pete Slosberg which I thought I’d share. I think I’d run across a joke similar to it years ago but this one has been updated in light recent examples of corporate malfeasance. Perhaps I can get Pete to do a joke of the week every week. C’mon, Pete, what do you say?
 

Joke of the Week #1: Investment Advice

If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.

With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00.

With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.

With Lucent, you would have $3.50 left of the original $1000.00

But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND you would have had $214.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heartily and recycle.

It’s called the 401-Keg Plan.

Filed Under: Just For Fun Tagged With: Humor

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