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Man Laws

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This is a strange admission for me, but — geez, I can’t believe I’m saying this — I actually agree with almost all of Miller’s list of “Man Laws,” part of their newest ad campaign to persuade people that drinking Miller Lite isn’t just for kids, er … young adults, anymore. Maybe that says more about me than the Man Laws, who knows? If you’re a regular reader of the Bulletin, you know how I feel about low-calorie light beers — no sane person should drink them … ever. But I have to give Miller their props, especially after a number of ill-fated and ill-advised ad campaigns. Anybody else remember the ads by “Dick” in the late ’90s? Or the infamous Catfight? The Man Laws are at least somewhat clever. There was an interesting article in yesterday’s New York Times by Stuart Elliot all about the unusual partnership between Miller and the magazine FHM (For Him Magazine), a British men’ magazine with an American version. FHM is a men’s magazine in the mold of Maxim or Stuff, not Playboy.

Apparently in one of the new models to get advertising for major accounts, magazines are pitted against one another to come up with the concepts themselves, essentially taking on the role of advertising agency for the privilege of winning a company’s advertising. I guess that’s cutting edge and obviously winning the accounts is lucrative for the magazines, but it sure feels a little sleazy to me. I’m sure that’s my own naivete and sense of fair play, but how about these companies come up with their own ways to advertise their products?

From the Times’ article:

The FHM print campaign was selected after a competition that pitted ideas from the magazine’s ad sales department against those submitted by their counterparts at several other monthly men’s magazines. As is becoming increasingly common as magazines battle the new media for ad dollars, the FHM campaign involves elements that extend beyond prosaic ad pages.

Readers can take part in a contest on a special Web site (fhmus.com/manlaws), to which they can upload photographs to report “violations” of the laws. The contest is also accepting entries through cellphone text messages and e-mail messages.

Here is a list of all of the current Man Laws:
 

Man Laws

  1. Now matter how long the trip, a man’s suitcase shall not exceed 1.8 cu. ft.
  2. No man shall own a dog smaller than a football.
  3. Under no circumstances should a man be seen wearing sunglasses indoors.
  4. Armbands, headbands and such accessories are not to leave the gym.
  5. The Wearing of socks with sandals is henceforth forbidden.
  6. At no time shall any man believe a comb-over looks good.
  7. Men pull pranks.
  8. A man shall never dance for fun unless to improve his chances of getting a girl.
  9. When swatting an insect, never do it yelling “get it off, get it off!”
  10. Regardless of how scary the ride, it is never permissible for a man to squeal.
  11. A man shall never get in his vehicle by sitting sideways and swinging both legs in.
  12. Technology that makes you look like a mumbling crazy person is not cool.
  13. You can take the last beer or the last chicken wing — not both.
  14. Acquire tans by accident, never by credit card.
  15. Regardless of the name, a man doesn’t visit a manicurist.
  16. A man may wear pink provided that he refer to it as “light red.”
  17. No man shall ever make excuses for the haircut he has been left with.
  18. Highlights are sports clips, not something you do to your hair.
  19. “Too cold” shall not cross any man’s lips on game day.
  20. All football injuries are treatable by walking it off or rubbing dirt on it.
  21. Interpretive dancing shall be reserved for weddings and touchdowns.
  22. When attending a football game, you can not wear the jersey of a former player, unless that player is retired.
  23. No man shall ever tuck a team jersey into his pants.
  24. Shirtless players shall not repeatedly post up on their defenders.
  25. A man shall not wear a full team uniform to play pickup basketball.
  26. A man shall never have two-hundred dollar basketball shoes and a three-cent game.
  27. Three or more air-balls in a game and a man shall be relegated to passing.
  28. A man shall not nag another man, but a firm stare is OK.
  29. A man must abide by the locally accepted shotgun rules; failure to do so results in automatic shotgun forfeiture.
  30. A man must attempt to stop a friend from calling his ex-girlfriend a minimum of three times, after that he’s on his own.
  31. When your friend’s girlfriend breaks up with him, she’s off limits; unless she is drop dead gorgeous, in which case you must wait six months before dating her.
  32. A man shall never use a lame pick up line.
  33. All men must possess the ability to operate a knife, either electrical or traditional.
  34. Fireworks are always in season.
  35. A man shall never pay any attention to the evenness of his tan line.
  36. In a pinch, it is perfectly acceptable for a man to commandeer female clothing for Halloween costuming purposes.
  37. Holiday decorations must absolutely, positively be taken down before spring.
  38. Crushing a beer can on your forehead is lame.
  39. A man shall never put a lime or other fruit in a beer for any reason at any time.

The best photographs depicting violations of the Man Laws are then entered into a contest, which … let’s let the Times continue explaining how it works:

In an example of the trend known as consumer-generated content, the best entries from the contest will be compiled in a 16-page booklet to accompany the May issue of FHM. For readers who cannot wait that long to learn the finer points of “man laws,” Miller Lite will be the sole sponsor of a 2007 calendar that will be included free with the January/February issue of FHM.

It’s an interesting concept and certainly better than most of Miller’s recent ad campaigns. Now if only they’d put some more effort into making some better tasting beers.

History in a Glass

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courthouse-pub
This is the kind of story that exemplifies the best in craft brewing, at least in my opinion. There used to be a brewery in Manitowoc County, in the small town of Two Rivers, Wisconsin (pop. <11,261) by the name of Two Rivers Beverage Co. It’s earlier names were Mueller Bros. Brewing Co. and City Brewery prior to Prohibition. But afterward, it was known by Two Rivers and lasted until about 1966. One of their most popular beers was apparently White Cap beer, which they made from 1939 until 1963.

Carl and Chris Liebich, the children of Harold Liebich, the former co-owner of Two Rivers, asked John Jagemann, owner of the Courthouse Pub, a brewpub in nearby Manitowoc, if he would be willing to brew up a batch of White Cap for a family and brewery reunion they’d planned on hosting. The brewpub said they’d need the recipe, of course, and Harold’s brother George, with whom Harold ran the brewery from 1952 until it closed, found it in the attic of his California home. Parts of the recipe dated from 1915 and were written in German, but it was complete. The Courthouse Pub’s head brewer in Canada, John Downing, put together a version of it that would work in the brewpub’s system and Brent Boeldt, brewmaster at the Wisconsin location, brewed it up for the reunion, which took place Sunday. Today the brewpub will release White Cap for public consumption. Jagemann describes the beer as a lighter style beer and told the local paper that “[i]f it sells well, it can become one of our standard beers.” Now that’s a fun little story. There was a great little article detailing all of this in today’s Manitowoc Herald Times Reporter.
 

brent-boeldt
Brent Boeldt of Courthouse Pub brewpub in Manitowoc, Wisconsin,
holding a pint of White Cap beer.
(Photo by Jaslyn Gilbert, Herald Times Reporter)

The Lost Abbey and Brewer’s Blogs

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I got an e-mail from Tomme Arthur yesterday, letting the cat out of the bag, so to speak, on his Brewer’s Blog. I don’t think he was planning on it being a secret, but it is just getting started. From the few posts there so far, it looks like it should evolve into a fascinating peek into Tomme’s mind and the work and thinking that goes into running a brewery and building a brand. If you love his beers — and you’d be a fool not to — you will undoubtedly enjoy his musings, as well. I’m looking forward to following along.

Although blogging may take time away from his Washoe practice which, as Dave Keene can tell you, he clearly needs (yes, that sound you heard is the gauntlet being thrown down for a rematch).

This is a good trend, I think, of commercial brewers having their own blogs to let their customers behind the curtain to see how the process goes of working at, building or running a brewery. There are now several professional brewers with a brewer’s blog. Below is a list of the ones I know of. If you know of any others, please let me know as I think it’s high time I added a new category of links just for them.
 

Brewer’s Blogs

Heineken’s Casino Royale Commercial

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007-2 heineken
The new James Bond movie, Casino Royale, opened this weekend, and supposedly he drinks a Heineken in the movie, for which the Bond production company was paid an undisclosed six-figures. I’ve already ranted about this before. I don’t like Heineken and I’m not a fan of most product placement, although others have convincingly pointed out that even in Fleming’s novels Bond used brand names as a way of showing the character’s sophistication. Here’s the Heineken print ad

casino-royale-heineken

I certainly agree that beer shouldn’t be shaken or stirred, but if it is indeed all about the beer, then it can’t be about Heineken. Heineken may be popular, but it’s a lousy beer, too often skunked due to the green bottle and even when not lighstruck is a pedestrian pilsner at best. James Bond is all about the finer things in life, and Heineken is definitely not one of them, beer-wise. But enough carping, I love James Bond. Here is the television commercial they shot on the set of the new film with Bond girl Eva Green. Despite what it’s advertising, it’s a pretty funny ad.

But I have to admit a certain fondness for the poster art from the original Casino Royale, which had almost nothing to do with the story in the novel, but which had it’s own goofy charm nonetheless and included such big name stars as David Niven (which was Ian Fleming’s ideal Bond), Peter Sellers, Woody Allen, Ursula Andress, Deborah Kerr, Orson Welles, George Raft and John Huston.

casino-royale-art

UPDATE (11/20): Okay, this is a little strange, but I saw the film yesterday (it was terrific, BTW) and I didn’t see one elbow bent with a beer, Heineken or otherwise. That strikes me as quite odd given the amount of coverage a few months ago about that very issue, that Heineken had paid a pile of cash precisely so James Bond would be seen actually drinking a beer, complete with fabricated justifications to boot. I didn’t even see the Heineken logo anywhere in the background (apart from being listed in the credits). It’s certainly possible I missed it but I do have pretty strong beer-dar for these things. Just ask my wife. If there’s beer in a film I tend to point it out, much to her exasperation. Did it end up on the cutting room floor or did they change their minds? It’s not like they didn’t pimp other brands. Ford (who also owns Aston-Martin) was in plain sight, and Bond mentioned his Omega watch by name. So I’d love to know what happened to de-rail the million dollar plus deal. I didn’t hear much outcry, really, apart from a few shrill words on my part, hardly enough to sour such a lucrative tie-in. Anybody know why they didn’t go through with the Heineken plan?

Chief Beer Officer: Dream Job or Best Promotion Ever?

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Simultaneously in a full-page ad in the Wall Street Journal, on Monster.com and Yahoo’s Hot Jobs listings, Starwood Hotels’ Four Points by Sheraton posted a job listing for Chief Beer Officer, an intriguing job title if ever there was one. And with a job title so likely to get a record number of applicants, it made the news, too, as several news outlets ran stories about the position, such as Marketing Daily, BrandWeek and Hotel Chatter.

It certainly sounds like a job any beer geek would feel fortunate to get, and I think that’s why it sounds too good to be true. First of all, the stories about it and the online application itself are just a little too clever, too tongue in cheek to be a serious job offer. And you’re not actually hired by the company, but will be an independent contractor, a part-time consultant. The pay is unspecified (though apparently there’s a generous travel allowance) and requires less than one years experience yet is considered to be “Executive Management” and according to Monster.com is at the “Senior Executive” level, on par with the President and CFO.

The online application also includes a short quiz to test your beer knowledge but the questions are so telescoped that only the truly dull-witted could fail to ace it. For example, one question is “Which is not a variety of hop?” And your choice of answers is “Amarillo, Boy George, Fuggle and Williamette.” Another is “Name one of life’s joys that can accompany goat cheese?” And here the answers could be “Basketball, Acoustic guitar, or Beer drinking.” They’re all like that, so I can’t help but think this is just a clever promotion and whoever gets the job will be a random winner, not that that makes the new CBO position any less enviable.

Starwood did announce at the end of the award ceremonies at this year’s GABF that they were launching the “Best Brews” program at all of their locations, with the help of the Brewers Association. The program is designed to offer a better beer menu than the average chain hotel bar and restaurant. Four Points in L.A. has been hosting some wonderful beer dinners for some time now and I can only imagine their success with good beer may have been the inspiration for this program.

Here’s the job listing on Yahoo:

Help Wanted: Chief Beer Officer® (CBO)

Four Points® by Sheraton seeks Chief Beer Officer to act as independent, part-time consultant for their Best Brews Program. This fall, Four Points by Sheraton, purveyor of pie and champions of contentment, is launching their Best Brews Program. In addition to featuring over 200 domestic and imported beers, they are seeking a Chief Beer Officer. The successful candidate will have a passion for beer, a basic understanding of brewing and an interest in further educating themselves about this glorious libation.
 

CBO duties will include:

  • Act as a beer ambassador for the hotel at microbrewery tours, beer festivals and on bar stools across the country.
  • Develop an intimate knowledge of the over 200 domestic and imported beers that are part of the Best Brews Program (which will be supplied to the candidate)
  • Introduce these to the public through monthly blog reviews.
  • Brew eloquence and a bubbly personality are both a plus.

 
Are you ready to make your love affair with beer public? To apply please visit www.FourPoints.com/CBO. To be eligible, all one needs is a love for beer, a basic understanding of brewing, and an interest in learning more. You must be 21 years of age or older.

 

So what are you waiting for, apply now. Either way, it should be a hoot.

Pete’s Joke of the Week #2

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Okay, it’s not exactly weekly, but here’s another beer joke from my friend Pete Slosberg which I thought I’d share. I’m still hoping I can get Pete to do a joke of the week every week.
 

Joke of the Week #2: Beer Contains Female Hormones

Last month, National University of Lesotho scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women. To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects:

  1. Argued over nothing.
  2. Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
  3. Gained weight.
  4. Talked excessively without making sense.
  5. Became overly emotional.
  6. Couldn’t drive.
  7. Failed to think rationally
  8. Had to sit down while urinating.

No further testing was considered necessary.

King of Swill

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You’ve got to love Portland, one of the few cities where Budweiser is not the best-selling beer in town. On a painted wall advertisement at the corner of Third and West Burnside was the sign below, happily captured on film before it was taken down. Whether by an act of defiance or a happy accident, the new sign captured the rising spirit of dissent for people who love full-flavored beer. Reminiscent of the art of Ron English, it’s a simple piece of popaganda with a provocative message. Too funny. Of course, it’s no longer there, having been recently painted over.

Internet Pints

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I got an e-mail from Patrick from YouGotBeer.com about his new website, which allows you to send someone a beer over the internet. It seems like a fairly intriguing, if somewhat wacky idea, to buy someone a pint in cyberspace. It’s a simple enough idea. Using PayPal you send whoever you want a gift card that can be redeemed for a pint at specific locations. It still appears to be in its early stages, because there’s a limited number of places, about fourteen chain restaurants/bars/brewpubs. Although the wesbite claims — and I can’t dispute it — those few chains add up to thousands of locations in all 50 states. But if they get more unique places to sign up, it could really turn into something. Who wouldn’t like to see “You’ve Got Beer!” in their inbox, especially when you really could redeem it for a pint of beer.

Write Your Own Arrogant Bastard Label

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Do It For Humanity’s Sake. Or Your Own… You Arrogant Bastard! (Humanity Will Still Benefit)

Stone Brewing, of course, has a history of doing charity work. And unbeknownst to me, they’ve been auctioning off stuff on eBay all year long to raise money for charity. This auction will benefit one of Stone’s charities, the San Pasqual Academy. There are many others. The take so far just this month totals just north of $130,000!

But this one is a doozy, and I’ll let the press release speak for itself:

This month we have an unprecedented opportunity that we’re auctioning off: You getting to write your own Arrogant Bastard Ale bottle!

This is a “once-in-a-lifetime-don’t-expect-you’ll-get-it-again” chance for you to express your arrogance on a bottle of Arrogant Bastard Ale. Try not to screw it up by not bidding enough.

We’ll be taking your writings (either handwritten or submitted as text – your call) and producing at least 60 cases (720 bottles) of your text. Of those 720 bottles, you will personally get 4 cases (48 bottles) and the remainder will be distributed out into the marketplace in your region of the country.

We will not ship beer to your door, but we will work with your closest wholesaler to get the beer to you. (If you wish to pickup the cases here at the brewery, that works too.) Clearly, there’s going to be some guidelines to this. The bottle will need to meet California ABC guidelines, and if we need to ship it out of state it will also need to meet Federal (TTB) guidelines and any other guidelines required by your state. We will make sure it meets with the required governmental approvals. This means that you can’t write any boneheaded thing you want, but a fully Arrogant approach will work! It does for us.

The auction is already up on eBay and will close this Sunday, October 29 at 8:00 p.m. PST sharp. So far there are 10 bidders, and highest at this moment is $760.

Write your own rant for Arrogant Bastard.