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Food Hates You, Too

March 14, 2010 By Jay Brooks

tomato
Every Sunday I take the kids to the library. I’m a voracious reader, and I’m grateful to an aunt, and to some extent my mother, for instilling in me that passion for books and literature. So it’s very important to me that I try to do the same for my own kids, and so far they both love books. Last Sunday, my daughter Alice picked out a book called Food Hates You, Too and Other Poems by Robert Weinstock.

food-hates-1

The cover alone was reason enough, but some of the poems are pretty funny. My kids are also following in my food phobic footsteps and are very picky eaters. I’m better now — not exactly cured — but my Mom would be spinning in her grave if she knew all the foods I’ve eaten since I moved out of her house.

So the titular poem Food Hates You, Too is a pretty funny concept about how some of the food we don’t like might hate us, too.

The opening stanza:

If everyone hates different foods,
Then couldn’t it be true
That creamed chipped beef dislikes Gertrude,
And liver gags on Lou.

And here’s the final two quatrains:

If cotton candy, apple pie,
And french fries looked at you
And said, “Gross! Blecchh! Nope, I won’t try.
I’ll never like it. Ew!

I’m sure you’d say, “Hey! That’s no fair!
Give me a chance! You should
Just try me. Pretty please? I swear!!
With sugar on top …? I’m good!”

food-hates-4

There are maybe two dozen fun poems for kids in the book, most of them about food. The Cheese Sonnet is great and so is a short one about two pieces of Toast named Ned and Fred. But I’ll leave you with a final poem entitled Doughnuts.

I go nuts for doughnuts,
All tingles from Pringles
And swoony from bacon,
If I’m not mistaken.

Indeed I do.

Filed Under: Food & Beer, Just For Fun, Related Pleasures Tagged With: Humor, Poetry

Beer In Art #69: Alex Caldwell’s Typographic Beer Destinations

March 14, 2010 By Jay Brooks

art-beer
Today’s work of art was originally created while Alex Caldwell was still in college, a project presumably for one of his classes at Philadelphia University. It’s called Typographic Beer Destinations and tells the story in type of a journey from home to Philadelphia.

Typographic-Beer-Directions

But not just any journey, a trip involving stops at beer destination every ten minutes along the way. And like any great journey, it begins with someone calling “shotgun.” Here’s the story of the work:

This assignment was to simply create a poster with directions from our home (Central New Jersey for myself) to Philadelphia. I themed it around the idea of getting a beer every ten minutes at a different bar along the way. I tried to convey the idea of a drunken night by making it jumbled and somewhat confusing. I also threw in some random things that one might have said in this adventure. All the directions are there though.

Click through to see the image much larger. Especially check out the warning label, which reads:

Government Warning: (1) The artist does not condone drinking and driving. (2) Consumption of alcoholic beverages impairs your ability to drive a car or operate machinery, and may cause health problems. (3) If drinking, get a designated driver and make sure to call shotgun.

You can also buy a copy of the print, in three different sizes.

Caldwell graduated the year after he made this, and freelances at his own Caldwell Designs. You call also see more of his work at his DeviantArt gallery.

Filed Under: Art & Beer, Beers, Just For Fun Tagged With: Pubs, Typography

Guinness Ad #9: It’s A Poor Fish

March 13, 2010 By Jay Brooks

guinness-toucan
Our ninth Guinness poster by John Gilroy features a frustrated goldfish who can’t reach a pint of Guinness just outside his fishbowl. Under the “Guinness For Strength” banner, it also uses the curious tagline. “It’s a poor fish that never has a Guinness.”

guinness-goldfish

Filed Under: Art & Beer, Beers Tagged With: Advertising, Guinness, History

Redesign Newcastle’s Label

March 13, 2010 By Jay Brooks

newcastle
Whatever your feelings about Newcastle Brown Ale, it is perceived as one of the classic English brown ales and its label is one of the most recognizable.

newcastle

So I was surprised to see that Newcastle is sponsoring a contest to redesign their iconic label. The contest is known as Your Beer Your Label and gives you two ways to create a new label, either using their online label generator or download a template and have at it with your favorite graphics software (or at least Adobe Illustrator or Photoshop).

newk-ale-queen

The Online Design Tool is actually pretty fun to use and you can do quite a bit of manipulation using it, as evidenced by the many submitted designs.

newk-superstar

Unfortunately, the contest ends tomorrow, so if you want to play around or submit your own, you better get cracking.

newk-last-name-ever

Though you can still look at the submitted designs and vote for your favorite until the end of March.

newk-drink-up

Though in the end I wish they were going to do a run of bottles with the winner’s design or, better still, with the top few vote-getters. I think that would have been cool. But instead all the winners get is displayed on Newcastle’s website which seems like a pretty poor payoff for all the effort.

newk-vintage

Oh, well, perhaps it’s just as well, as despite some very cool label designs submitted, the label below is currently at the top of the heap with the most votes cast. I guess that either says something about human nature or the demographics of Newcastle drinkers.

newk-number-1

Filed Under: Art & Beer, Beers Tagged With: Beer Labels, Packaging, UK

Beer In Ads #64: Miller High Life Witch

March 12, 2010 By Jay Brooks

ad-billboard
Friday’s ad is for Miller High Life featuring the “Girl in the Moon,” which was originally created in the early 1900’s by an unknown artist. The beer itself debuted in 1903 and was advertised with the girl in the moon from the beginning, though to me she looks more like a witch. I think it’s that hat. It’s rumored that the model for her was brewery founder Frederick Miller’s granddaughter. But I’ve always liked the stylized, colorful costume she wears.

miller-high-life

And here’s another one featuring her.

miller-hi-life

Filed Under: Art & Beer, Beers Tagged With: Advertising, History, Miller Brewing

Backlash Brewing In Pennsylvania

March 12, 2010 By Jay Brooks

pennsylvania
After the furor caused by the state police raids on three Philadelphia bars, and a subsequent raid on a beer distributor, there does appear to be a backlash coming. Several people predicted that was one possible outcome — I believe Don and Lew both mentioned it — and now it may indeed be playing out that way. In a new report posted today by Don Russell and Bob Warner, Beer-Raid Flap Coming to a Head, Hearing Ordered, it appears that the state legislature has scheduled a joint hearing (of the House Liquor Control Committee and the Senate Judiciary Committee) for April 13 to look into the matter.

From the article:

“We’re scared,” one bar owner told the Daily News. “I’ve instructed my staff to match every beer we get delivered with the PLCB’s list of registered brands. If it’s not on the list, we’re not going to take delivery.”

Sources told the Daily News that several beer distributors in other parts of the state had been visited by State Police in search of unregistered beer.

As I’ve opined before, this is creating a culture of fear among legitimate business people and that’s not something our government should be doing, especially under the economic duress of today. Lew Bryson has even set up a new Facebook page, Abolish the PLCB-Rewrite the Code. After a few short hours there were nearly 3,000 members. Even if you’re not from Pennsylvania, join it and show the world that we’re tired of arcane alcohol laws and they need to be changed.

There’s also a new separate account by Patrick Walters of the Associated Press, Brew-haha Frothing Over Philly Bar Raids.

Filed Under: Beers, News, Politics & Law Tagged With: Government, Pennsylvania

Bill Hicks Movie Coming

March 12, 2010 By Jay Brooks

bill-hicks
Please indulge me for a moment as I go off topic, beery news will follow. Regular Bulletin readers will know I’m a huge fan of the late stand-up comedian Bill Hicks, who died in 1994. Even though he’s been gone 16 years, his comedy is as fresh and relevant as it was then, a testament to how far ahead of his time he was and how universal his message was. I saw his act live at least a dozen times, probably more, and even had the pleasure of meeting him after a show once and chatting briefly. At every one of those shows, at least one person, and sometimes more, would get offended and leave. That was because Hicks challenged his audiences to not just laugh at his jokes, but to think about ideas and consider inequities in the world. In short, he made some people feel uncomfortable who weren’t ready to confront the world’s hypocrisies and their role in them. He was nothing short of a genius in that regard. Since his death, his popularity has continued to grow in the UK, where people “got” Bill. Over here, sadly, he’s been largely forgotten.

But there’s a new documentary film coming out, American: The Bill Hicks Story, and it’s premiering tonight in the U.S. at the SXSW Festival in Austin, Texas. There’s also a Facebook page for the film. No word yet on when or if it will get a wide theater release, but fingers crossed, you’ll be able to see it soon at a theater near you. As the filmmakers have asked people to help them spread the word about the film, below is the trailer for it. If it comes to your town, go see it. I can’t, of course, vouch for the film-making (though the trailer looks good), I can vouch for the subject matter. Bill Hicks deserves to be more widely known, and especially the ideas he espoused during his lifetime.

Filed Under: News, Related Pleasures Tagged With: Film, Humor, Texas

Beer In Ads #63: Shiner’s Brewery Workers

March 11, 2010 By Jay Brooks

ad-billboard
Thursday’s ad is for the Spoetzl Brewery, makers of Shiner Bock. Today is their 101st anniversary. This isn’t too old, but I like the concept of it. It has an old-time look and feel to it and it’s part of a larger series that focuses on the actual brewery workers. If you’ve ever been to the actual brewery, it’s a very cool-looking historical brewery in a small Texas town. This one features Richard Hartmann, who’s in shipping and receiving. But it’s the slogan, possibly being attributed to Hartmann, that really makes it for me. “There’s more to life than brewing beer. There’s also drinking beer, talking about beer ….”

Shiner-brewing

To same more, similar ads from a campaign in 2009, see the Behance Network.

Filed Under: Art & Beer, Beers Tagged With: Advertising, Texas

Senator Asks Military To Let Fighting Soldiers Drink Beer

March 11, 2010 By Jay Brooks

camo-beer
Since we’ve been in the Middle East and Afghanistan, we’ve struggled with how to keep our soldiers happy and yet respect local laws and customs. In March of 2006, General Abizaid of the U.S. Central Command, signed General Order No. 1 to help clarify and determine how our men and women fighting overseas are permitted to relax and conduct themselves. One thing General Order No. 1 prohibits them from enjoying is a beer, or indeed any alcohol whatsoever.

Under Prohibited Activities:

general-order-1b

According to a Wired report:

In part, the order is out of sensitivity to “host-nation” culture. But it’s also a major safety issue. Alcohol, firearms and heavy machinery don’t mix, and the Department of Defense doesn’t want to have to explain a rise in negligent weapons discharges to angry members of Congress.

Recently, however, Senator Jim Webb of Virginia (Dem.), during a Senate Armed Services Committee meeting, floated the idea that “U.S. military commanders should consider loosening the ban to allow ‘alcohol for stress relief.’”

Now before you jump down my throat, consider that there’s already a problem with the “increased use — and abuse of — of prescription drugs by deployed troops” with “troops popping pills to fight everything from fatigue to depression. The Pentagon is even investigating using pills as a preventive treatment for post-traumatic stress.” So his suggestion that maybe letting the troops have an occasional beer while off duty might have some benefits to the mental and physical health of our soldiers doesn’t seem too outlandish under the circumstances. During my time in the military I was never in a war zone, so I never experienced this kind of prohibition. Hell, we had a coin-operated soda machine in our day room filled with cans of beer.

But beyond respecting the “host-nation culture,” weren’t troops in World War II, Korea and other police actions permitted limited amounts of alcohol? My stepfather was in Vietnam with the Marines in the early 1960s and I know he drank quite a bit while he was there. From time to time, he’d open up about his time “in country” and what they’d do when they were off-duty, and it involved a lot of drinking, much of did in fact seem designed to relieve stress. I can’t help but think the ban is more a sign of the times than about any real danger from soldier’s drinking in moderation.

If soldiers made it through at least WWII, Korea and Vietnam safely while being able to have a drink, it doesn’t seem like they’d fare any worse today. Winston Churchill quipped that his staff should “make sure that the beer — four pints a week — goes to the troops under fire before any of the parties in the rear get a drop.” And before that John Churchill, First Duke of Marlborough, said. “No soldier can fight unless he is properly fed on beef and beer.” And before that Frederick the Great concluded that “many battles have been fought and won by soldiers nourished on beer.” But yeah, I understand the argument that war is different now, but I’m pretty sure that argument has been used during every single increasingly modern war. I just don’t agree with it. Given all we ask of our soldiers and how badly our government has treated so many of them, I think we should be doing everything possible to help them relax and unwind whenever they get a little time away from the job.

And even within the scope of respecting cultures, it doesn’t seem too out of line to me that something like the “green zone” or some other spot that’s secluded and separated from the native population could be created where soldiers could relax and have a drink. They did just that for the Super Bowl, where an exception was made and beer was served during the game.

The Wired piece concludes:

Would the military consider lifting its ban on booze? I highly doubt it. Gen. Stanley McChrystal, the top U.S. commander in Afghanistan, banned alcohol at NATO’s International Security Assistance Force headquarters in Kabul, after he noticed coalition officers dozing off at a picnic table.

Now I hope I’m not going too far here, but why were officers taking a nap at a picnic (presumably after drinking alcohol) such an Epiphanal moment for the general? What on earth is wrong with a tired, stressed soldier having a drink and catching a little shuteye while off duty? They weren’t belligerent. They weren’t fighting. They weren’t getting into any mischief. They were taking a nap. And this sight made General McChrystal worried enough that he decided, not to figure out how his soldiers could get the rest they needed, but instead to ban the alcohol that helped them fall asleep. Personally, I’m all for letting them have a beer once in a while. At the very least, they’ve earned it.

Filed Under: Beers, Editorial, News, Politics & Law Tagged With: Government, Middle East, United States

More On 2nd Raid Of Pennsylvania Distributor

March 11, 2010 By Jay Brooks

v-mask
Yesterday on Don Russell’s Beer Radar, he had the basic information on a second raid by the PLCB and Pennsylvania State Troopers. As promised, a fuller account was published today, with additional reporting by Bob Warner, in the Philadelphia Daily News. Here’s the account, entitled In Another Raid, State Police Hit Beer Distributor, Origlio’s, in Far Northeast.

The state continues to confiscate Duvel, Monk’s Café Flemish Sour Red Ale and even Hacker-Pschorr, despite all three brands having been registered and sold for many years. Russian River Brewing’ Supplication was also one of the beers confiscated, but in that case Vinnie Cilurzo admitted he’d simply forgotten the paperwork for the very small number of cases shipped to Pennsylvania. As reported by Russell, Cilurzo stated. “We are a small mom-and-pop brewery and every once in a while something slips through the cracks.”

What continues to be troubling is that this is essentially just paperwork errors and miscommunication and it’s being treated like the crime of the century. Did they really need to go in armed, like storm troopers? Were they expecting trouble or that gunfire might be necessary? It’s not like they were raiding a bootlegger’s den and could expect Tommy guns to be carried by everyone inside the distributorship. It seems absurd to think there might be some justification for that level of power display.

As another remarked. “‘It’s just a clerical problem, but they’re treating this stuff like contraband,’ said one distributor who asked not to be identified.” See what we’ve created? Here’s a legitimate businessman who’s afraid to be identified while criticizing the PLCB and the state police for fear of retaliation, despite the fact that as a citizen he has every right to do so. When we aren’t comfortable exercising basic rights like that because we believe we’ll be targeted by the people we’re criticizing (who, let’s not forget, are there to serve the people), that, to me, is a very scary development indeed. Now that’s a chilling effect. This is just going from bad to worse.

UPDATE: Thanks to James Costa for pointing this out. Today, the Philadelphia Inquirer’s food writer, Rick Nichols, gives us his take on the PLCB raids in Beer Raid Backfires on Liquor Agents.

Filed Under: Beers, Editorial, News, Politics & Law Tagged With: Government, Pennsylvania

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