Saturday’s ad is for Schlitz, from 1955. And you thought the blue man group was a new phenomenon, but they were around and serving Schlitz — a.k.a. the World’s Most Famous Taste in Beer — way back in the Fifties. Honestly, I don’t quite understand why the guy is blue. But he does have another one of those magic bottles. It’s only half empty but it managed to completely fill two pilsner glasses.
Today in 2000, US Patent 6112932 A was issued, an invention of Ronald E. Holdren, for his “Beverage Can With Flow Enhancing Sidewall Structure.” Here’s the Abstract:
A beverage container with flow enhancing sidewall structure. The container is preferably provided in thin-walled aluminum for containment of carbonated or other beverages such as beer or carbonated soda. The container has a liquid outlet, and adjacent the liquid outlet, but in the substantially cylindrical sidewalls, a generally nose-shaped inwardly indented liquid flow enhancing structure is provided. The flow enhancing structure is provided with a generally reducing cross-sectional area when progressively examined in transverse cross-sectional area toward the liquid outlet end of the cylindrical sidewall. The generally nose-shaped structure may be offset from the centerline of the liquid outlet to further enhance liquid outflow. Although in a preferred embodiment the nose-shaped structure is substantially pyramidal in shape, the structure may alternately be provided as a section of an oblique circular cone, or other flow enhancing shape. Use of such a structure enables a user to locate the container outlet by use of tactile sense alone, such as by use of a thumb. Also, because the flow enhancing structure is inwardly indented, the beverage can is rollable for easy handling during manufacture and distribution.
Here’s yet another example of prohibitionists’ zeal run amuck. It’s one thing to disagree with opinions you don’t like, but quite another to call them “idiotic,” especially when the idea being called “idiotic” is the standard in a majority of countries worldwide. Here’s a Tweet from the chuckleheads at Alcohol Justice this morning, where they essentially insult most of the world.
Setting aside the fact that today, September 5, is a Saturday and not a Tuesday, and they couldn’t be bothered to change the text to match reality (tell me again who’s the idiot here?), let’s see what this is all about.
What got AJ into an insulting mood was a California man’s proposal to return the minimum legal drinking age in our state to its pre-1984 level, which was reported in Proposed measure would drop drinking age to 18. And of course, Alcohol Justice disagrees with that, in part because they’re against absolutely anything that shows alcohol in a positive light or opens its availability. And disagreeing is fine, of course. Calling something they disagree with “idiotic” is childish, at best, and at worst is insulting to every other nation of the world in which the minimum drinking age is 18 or below. And that accounts for 83% of the world’s countries. Or 86% for under 21. Only 6%, or 12 countries, have 21 as their drinking age, putting us in such company as Iraq, Mongolia, Oman, and Sri Lanka. In a further 16 nations (with some exceptions for non-muslims), around 8%, it’s illegal to drink alcohol no matter what age you are. So if AJ thinks it’s idiotic for California (and America) to let its otherwise legal adults drink at age 18, by extension they think most of the rest of the world is idiotic, too. Way to keep it professional.
But the Legal Drinking Age for most persons is well below 21, and has been, as it had been for the United States before 1984, for a very long time, for most of human history in fact. According to Alcohol Problems and Solutions, “the average (mean) minimum legal drinking age around the globe is 15.9. The majority of countries have set the drinking age at 18. In fifty countries the minimum age is lower than 18 and in 12 countries it is higher than 18” (which has changed slightly since that was written, but the analysis is still relevant). ProCon has more current figures on the Minimum Legal Drinking Age (MLDA) in 190 Countries.
But even calling something that most of the world does “the worst idea,” especially when it’s been the norm for most of history, seems typical for prohibitionists who are already convinced they know better and have never been shy about telling you how you should be living your life and what you’re doing wrong (psst – it’s drinking and enjoying yourself). But it also feels fairly condescending and downright rude, and using the stock photo of a dour man wearing a dunce cap tells us how they really feel about the people who don’t think the same way as they do. I guess we’re all idiots.
Today in 1905, US Patent 798942 A was issued, an invention of Leo Baroch, for his “Beverage-Keg.” There’s no Abstract, although in the description it includes this summary:
The object of my invention is to provide a portable beverage-keg provided with a cooling-chamber and a gas-chamber filled with carbonic-acid gas and a beverage-receptacle, the instrumentalities being so constructed that as the beverage is siphoned from the receptacle the remaining fluid within the receptacle may be kept in an effervescent condition as well as be continuously under a charge of carbonic-acid gas drawn from the gas-chamber, and my invention embodies certain other instrumentalities, as will be described more fully hereinafter.
Friday’s ad is for Ballantine Ale, from 1957. Wow, houses in the 1950s were very colorfully decorated. Look at the red flowers on white of the curtains compared to the multi-colored flowers on blue of the couch. The other oddity is who gives a soup party? That’s the only food on the table, not to mention next to the soup those look more like plates than bowls. A soup and beer tasting party? Maybe that was all the rage in 1957? But lastly, what’s with the creepy expression on the man in the tan jacket watching the woman in the blue dress ladle her soup as he pretends to be pouring his beer (but is really just holding the bottle at an angle)?
Today in 2001, US Patent 6284244 B1 was issued, an invention of Joseph L. Owades, for his “Mediating the Effects of Alcohol Consumption by Orally Administering Active Dry Yeast.” Here’s the Abstract:
Mediating the effects of alcohol consumption by orally administering an active dry yeast containing alcohol dehydrogenase to a person prior to or simultaneously with consumption of an alcohol-containing beverage to oxidize a portion of the alcohol while it is still in the stomach of the person is described.
This is roughly the same patent, Patent No. 2452476A1: Mediating The Effects Of Alcohol Consumption By Orally Administering Active Dry Yeast, that Owades applied for a patent on and received two years later, in 2003. You can read all about the background of it there.
Today in 1917, US Patent 1239225 A was issued, an invention of Robert William Sampson, for his “Stopper.” There’s no Abstract, although in the description it includes this summary:
My invention relates to composite stoppers which are so constructed that by manipulating their parts they may be made to expand and contract to facilitate their insertion into and removal from the orifices which they are intended to close, the details of my improvements being hereinafter described and claimed.
Thursday’s ad is another one for Miller Lite, again most likely from 1987 or 88. Also featuring comedian Joe Piscopo, who left Saturday Night Live in 1984, after four seasons. Around 1987 and 1988 he did television and print ads for Miller Lite. In this one, the tagline wonders about “A Word From ‘Python’ Piscopo Ex-Wrestler About Miller Lite.” That word? “Duh.” Another intellectually stimulating ad. It’s interesting that in yesterday’s drag queens ad, compared to today’s wrestlers in this ad that they look almost the same. Very colorful outfits, big hair (except when bald) and just as good looking. ANd it still doesn’t make the beer look any more appealing.
Today in 1963, US Patent 3102813 A was issued, an invention of George Frederick Bird and David Teignmouth Shore, for their “Processing Of Brewers’ Wort.” There’s no Abstract, although in the description it includes this summary:
This invention relates to the processing of brewers wort by either the batch method of operation or, more especially, the continuous processing method in which Wort is in continuous movement through the plant from the mashing stage, through the boiling stage and the hopping stage to the fermentation stage, the wort being converted during the movement from sweet Wort to hopped wort. In such a method, the hopped wort is at present clarified or filtered before reaching the fermentation stage without serious loss of valuable wort constituents.
Broadly stated, the present invention consists in effecting a filtration of the wort by causing that wort to flow through a hop bed which is quiescent so that it operates as a filter bed as well as ensuring the extraction of valuable hopping substances.
Wednesday’s ad is for Miller Lite, most likely from 1987 or 88. When comedian Joe Piscopo left Saturday Night Live in 1984, after four seasons, he did a few films — I did like Johnny Dangerously — and around 1987 and 1988 did television and print ads for Miller Lite. In this one, the tagline asks “Why ‘Helga’ Piscopo Ex-east German Swimmer Drinks Miller Lite.” The answer, surprisingly, is not because his taste buds were lost as a side effect to steroid use, but “To Keep His Girlish Figure.” Piscopo, in drag, and three similarly attired friends from a bad version of La Cage aux Folles, are drinking Miller Lite and winkingly making fun of it being diet beer. It certainly doesn’t make drinking the beer look terribly attractive so I’m a little unclear how effective it could have been.
