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Esquire’s Worst 9 Beers

May 19, 2010 By Jay Brooks

worst
Esquire has an odd little piece this week choosing the Nine Worst Beers on Earth, a fairly bold claim given how many beers are brewed on our planet. The author, St. Louis columnist Evan S. Benn, has probably not tried everything yet since he’s only been writing his column since last June, but overall his list does include some truly awful beers.

And while it wasn’t my intention to disparage Benn, in a recent column, Navigate Beer Fests Like a Pro Drinker, he does recommend spit buckets with the following. “You would be surprised how quickly the alcohol in 2-ounce samples can catch up to you. You’d also be surprised at how many beers you thought would be great but end up being disappointing. Don’t be ashamed to use the spit buckets stationed near every table. If you feel like one sip is enough but still have more in your glass, dump the rest into the bucket and move on.” I think he means the “dump buckets,” which is what they’re called in the beer world, but it almost sounds like he’s suggesting not swallowing at least that first sip, a pretty important step in fully tasting any beer. I know judges who occasionally spit second, third, etc. sips when tasting a large number of beers, but that first sip, at least, must be swallowed.

But back to his list, with which, in fact, I can’t disagree with any of his choices except for one, though to be fair I haven’t tried the new Game Day Light. I received an offer to get samples, but maybe I should answer it after all, just to be sure. But the beer I strongly disagree with is the Samuel Adams Cranberry Lambic. It’s not that I’d champion it as one of the world’s best, but from his write-up it appears Benn doesn’t realize that beer has been around since 1990 and the sweetness he finds so distasteful is from maple syrup. While the Sam Adams’ version of a lambic may not make my top 100 beers, it’s nowhere near my bottom 100 and I can think of sweeter, less appealing fruit lambics just off the top of my head.

Here’s Esquire’s list:

  1. Bud Light & Clamato Chelada
  2. 7-11 Game Day Light
  3. Rock Ice
  4. Sleeman Clear
  5. Michelob Ultra Pomegranate Raspberry
  6. Camo 24 Extra Smooth Super Premium High Gravity Lager xxXxx
  7. MGD 64
  8. Samuel Adams Cranberry Lambic
  9. Olde English 800

Why nine, and not ten — especially with so many bad beers out there — I can’t explain. But there are certainly many more beers that I’d put on such a list, beers that if offered to me outside of work, I’d politely decline. Corona and Heineken (and their light versions) leap to mind, as does Stella Artois and most of the nearly interchangeable American-style, European-style, New Zealand-style, Latin American-style, etc. mass produced light lagers. It’s not that they’re poorly made, in fact most are quite well-constructed, but I’m still not interested in drinking them. I want something with flavor … or more flavor, at least.

What beers would make your list of the worst?

Filed Under: Beers, Editorial, Just For Fun, Top 10 Tagged With: Big Brewers, Mainstream Coverage

Beer In Ads #111: Bud On Ice

May 18, 2010 By Jay Brooks

ad-billboard
Tuesday’s ad is for Budweiser, who on this day opened not one, but two new plants. They opened a new brewery in Tampa, Florida on this day in 1959 and in Houston, Texas in 1966. I’m not sure of the date of the ad, but judging by the look of the cans, and the “Tab Top” text around the bottom of each can, I’d guess the early 1960s. But I do like the simplicity of the ad and the playful pun.

bud-on-ice

Filed Under: Art & Beer, Beers Tagged With: Advertising, Budweiser, Cans, History

From Beer To Eternity

May 18, 2010 By Jay Brooks

past
Here’s an interesting read about the tourism of breweries, From Beer to Eternity, focusing on the history of American brewing and the places that one can still visit.

Filed Under: Breweries, Just For Fun Tagged With: History, United States

Beer In Ads #110: Heineken’s Made To Entertain

May 17, 2010 By Jay Brooks

ad-billboard
Monday’s ad is for Heineken. It’s not particularly old, but I chose it because today in 1867 the cornerstone was laid for the Heineken brewery in Amsterdam. The campaign’s theme, done by the ad agency JWT, was “Made to Entertain.” As much as I don’t care for the taste of Heineken, they are masters of marketing.

The first is a stack of pizza boxes, made to resemble a Heineken keg.
heineken-mte-pizza

The second is a stack of compact discs.
heinekenmte1

Filed Under: Art & Beer, Beers Tagged With: Advertising, Heineken, The Netherlands

Beer City USA Poll 2010

May 17, 2010 By Jay Brooks

all-america-city
Charlie Papazian is doing another poll this year during American Craft Beer Week to determine BeerCity USA. Last year’s winner was a tie between Portland, Oregon and Asheville, North Carolina. So far, after just one day, Asheville is out in front with Portland a close second. Everybody else, including the San Francisco Bay Area, is woefully behind. We are all the tortoise to Portland/Asheville’s hare. The poll closes just before midnight on May 23.

Let’s go Bay Area people, get out there and vote. Let’s see if we can win this year. Let’s declare the San Francisco Bay Area to be Beer City USA!

beer-city

Filed Under: Breweries, Just For Fun Tagged With: Announcements, Bay Area, Poll, United States

Beer In Art #76: Neal Barbosa’s Lagunitas Dog

May 16, 2010 By Jay Brooks

art-beer
Today’s works of art is by a very fast painter, Neal Barbosa, who bills himself as the performance painter and the live painter. I first saw his work at last year’s Lagunitas Beer Circus, which was held again today at the Lagunitas Brewery. Barbosa was there again, outside near the stage, painting to music, the way he prefers it. Last year, he painted a version of the Lagunitas dog, which I happened to catch him finish.

Barbosa-lagunitas

And here’s the original it’s based on.

lagunitas

Here’s a brief Biography:

Neal Barbosa paints during music. A performance artist based in southern & northern California, Neal’s art studio is often a stage he shares with bands such as Fishbone, Alfred Howard & the K23 Orchestra, Acacia, Frogdog Rocks, Shiny Toy Guns, New Orleans Social Club, Larry Carlton, New Soul Underground and many others. As the band performs, so does Neal. He paints what he hears and feels.

Barbosa-painting
Neal Barbosa painting at the 2009 Lagunitas Beer Circus.

You can see more of Barbosa’s art on his Facebook and MySpace pages.

Filed Under: Art & Beer, Beers Tagged With: Beer Festivals, California, Northern California

Guinness Ad #18: Whispering Seals

May 15, 2010 By Jay Brooks

guinness-toucan
Our eighteenth Guinness poster by John Gilroy is another of zoo seals using the “Lovely day for a Guinness” tagline. While looking on at two zookeepers taking a break and pouring themselves a Guinness, one of the seals is whispering something, presumably the tagline, into the ear of the other seal.

guinness-lovely-seals

Filed Under: Art & Beer, Beers Tagged With: Advertising, Guinness, History

Kenya’s Kill Me Quick Moonshine

May 15, 2010 By Jay Brooks

kenya
An alert Bulletin reader (thanks Jason) sent me a link to a story in the Economist with similarities to an earlier post I did, Poisoning People During Prohibition: A Disturbing Parable, in which the African nation of Kenya is battling the problem of illegal moonshine occasionally made with jet fuel or embalming fluid. Kill me quick, Kenya’s lethal brew deserves its name is an interesting read. A native moonshine concoction known as chang’aa is causing problems for both the government and a good portion of the nation’s youth. Chang’aa is a fermented drink brewed with corn (maize) and sorghum.

The problem is, unscrupulous moonshiners are speeding up the fermentation by adding stolen dangers like rocket fuel … well, jet fuel, antifreeze and embalming fluid. Those things, it goes without saying, are not something you should drink, even diluted. According to the article, “10ml of methanol can burn the optic nerve; 30ml can kill.” Also, police raids have turned up other unsavory things in the moonshine: decomposing rats, excrement and women’s underwear. As the Economist points out, the word chang’aa means literally “kill me quick” and is well chosen. For the equivalent of one U.S. dollar, you can buy four glasses, and the adulterated chang’aa has killed more than a few and blinded still others.

The reason people drink it is because most people in Kenya live in grinding poverty and can’t afford legitimate alcoholic drinks like beer. Beer there is so heavily taxed that only the rich can afford it. Surprisingly, no one but the breweries are suggesting that perhaps the taxes could be lower so poor people don’t have to risk death to drink alcohol. East African Breweries, “one of Kenya’s biggest companies and taxpayers,” unsurprisingly “wants to see illicit chang’aa replaced with a safer commercial version.” That would undoubtedly involve lowering alcohol taxes and despite the fact that it might actually save lives the government is concerned that “bringing the price of alcohol down to that of water risks increasing alcoholism and forcing the very poorest into even dodgier booze dens. In any case, it could add other costs: crime, violence to women and children, unsafe sex and bad health.” None of those are good, but are they worse then death? It’s the old alcohol as entirely evil argument writ large.

kenya-moonshine
Chang’aa

This is an interesting case to me because it’s taking the idea of how taxes affect consumption to a whole new level. Neo-Prohibitionists in the U.S. have long argued that higher taxes will decrease consumption and especially access by young people. It’s been their stated rationale for many attempts at pushing higher excise taxes on alcohol. But there’s obviously a threshold where that starts to backfire. In Prohibition, for example, removing it completely (in effect, the same as making it too expensive) didn’t stop people from drinking, it simply drove it underground. And in this real world example, Kenya’s taxes are obviously too high such that it’s driven people to drink illegal — but affordable — alcohol. Ours haven’t reached that point yet, despite the best efforts of the anti-alcohol wingnuts. As one commenter succinctly put it:

When a given chunk of economic activity contains a fair mix of illegal and legal business, controlling the illegal part by increasing the regulations of the legal part is illogical and ineffective. On the other hand, if the great majority of the market can eventually be brought into the legal realm, then there is room for regulations to reduce whatever damage it might cause. The legal recreational drugs in most of the world, alcohol and tobacco, are regulated and taxed to the point where if the prices were much higher, an illegal market would likely develop. For example, when cigarettes in Canada were taxed to a price of roughly 2X that in the US, some serious smuggling began. Thus, when Kenya should do is first enable unadulterated legal alcoholic drinks to be sold at a price that’s competitive with the rotgut the drunks are now stuck with. Even habitual drunks will pay a small premium for safety and known potency.

In fact, the UN estimated that half of Kenya’s alcohol trade is for the illegal moonshine, suggesting that the taxes for the legal drinks is way too high. But apparently it’s harder to give up the tax revenue than create a safer world for Kenya. Instead, crackdowns are the order of the day, as Kenya to Sustain War Against Brews. In typical jack boot fashion, ignoring any root causes, “Internal Security Minister Professor George Saitoti says the government will not relent on its war against the production and consumption of illicit brew in the country.” Yeah, that’s going to fix the problem. Unfortunately, it’s a typical response. It’s easier to beat people with a cudgel than understand their problems and try to fix the underlying causes. Obviously, people don’t actually want the risk of death associated with their choice of drink, but the fact that so many are willing to take such risks is indicative of a deep-seeded problem. It seems to me that the accepted propaganda that all alcohol is evil causes such bad decisions because governments seem more worried about not going against the propaganda than they are about finding actual solutions.

While not easy by any stretch of the imagination, the best solution to Kenya’s problems is to improve the life of its poorest citizens. That would do more to quell the moonshine than virtually anything else they might try, and it would certainly be better than using police powers and violence. The strong arm approach never works in the long run. But I suppose as long as the U.S. is the model, that’s what other nations will try, too. Our enforcement of Prohibition was pitifully ineffective and caused more deaths than people it saved, I’d warrant — including purposely poisoning people in the name of enforcement — and our current “war on drugs” is similarly having the same useless effect, making the problems associated with drug use actually worse and guaranteeing the criminal element, and the violence that brings with it, too. Until we realize that such methods will never work, other nations will continue to look to us for guidance will and fail as miserably as we have. More’s the pity.

Filed Under: Beers, Breweries, Politics & Law, Related Pleasures Tagged With: Africa, Kenya, Prohibitionists, Taxes

Beer In Ads #109: Schlitz Beer Of Tomorrow

May 14, 2010 By Jay Brooks

ad-billboard
Friday’s ad is for Schlitz. I don’t exactly when it was from, but given that the copy begins “after the war is over …” it seems a safe bet it was before September of 1945. Taking on a Sci-Fi theme with its futuristic airplane, it predicts giant planes will “girdle the globe” in mere days. But the beer of tomorrow? According to the ad’s pithy copy “The beer of Tomorrow is here Today.” I’m not even sure what that means, but I like it.

Schlitz-tomorrow

Filed Under: Art & Beer, Beers Tagged With: Advertising, History, Schlitz

Alcoholismo

May 14, 2010 By Jay Brooks

mexico
It appears the U.S. doesn’t have a lock on goofy, over-the-top anti-alcohol propaganda. Mexico has some pretty bad propaganda, too. This comes courtesy of I-Mockery, a humor website, and its founder, Roger Barr, who describes the Mexican Crazy Mexican Monografias: Alcoholismo propaganda:

When it comes to public service announcements, America is really quite tame compared to the rest of the world. While we have the ultra-corny NBC celebrity spots which always end with “The more you know…”, other countries aren’t nearly as sheepish when it comes to displaying the harsh realities of life. This became even clearer to me when I stumbled upon an incredible collection of Mexican monografias posters in the basement of a Philadelphia art gallery last year. Some of them were extremely graphic, and others were pretty friggin’ hilarious… needless to say I purchased one of each.

Barr then goes on, in often hilarious fashion, to translate and comment on each of the images, such as this example below.

alcoholismo

Hmmm, I’m getting a few mixed signals here. From what I can tell, if you become an alcoholic, one of several things can happen to you: a) you can crash your car into a telephone pole, b) you’ll appear in your very own television commercial, or c) you’ll somehow fall into a huge glass of liquor which a giant will then pick up to drink and you’ll die in his stomach. See what I mean? Those Mexicans aren’t gonna shy away from the truth about alcoholism. Harsh reality, people.

And this very surreal piece of art:

alcoholismo-2

“Some bottles of alcohol contain miniature humans who don’t have any genitals, and oh yeah, Death likes to hangout inside bottles too. Kind of like a genie, but the only kind of wish he’ll grant is your wish for the sweet release of death.”

Barr has broken down every one of the nearly two dozen graphic works cautioning people about the dangers of alcohol. And before I get another rash of comments, I’m not making fun of those dangers, just this ridiculous attempt to warn people about them using these illustrations. But take a look for yourself at the Alcoholismo, it’s pretty funny stuff.

alcoholismo-3

Filed Under: Editorial, Just For Fun, Politics & Law Tagged With: Humor, Mexico, Prohibitionists

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